Author Archive

The step after answering a couple of messages online, and the step before actually meeting a person – in person – is texting. If you’re lucky, it’s a phone call. But that rarely happens, these days. But sometimes, I find, those first text message interactions can make or break your final decision regarding whether or not to go on a date with that person. Should it? Should you judge someone by the frequency of their text messages? Or what they are saying? Or should you remember that people act differently in person than they do when they are behind a screen?

• Do: Communicate with the person, whether via text or phone before meeting them. This will help you get to know them a bit more, and ensure your safety! Make sure this does not drag on for weeks – you still want to have things to learn about each other in person!

• Don’t: Go out with the person if they make you feel uncomfortable over text. If there are red flags popping up, then listen to them! Don’t ignore your gut. Ever.

Say hi to Jen Glantz: @tthingsilearned

I’m guilty of this a lot. I make plans – just to end up breaking plans. But am I really to blame? After a long day at work, I feel much more comfortable plopping down in front of my TV screen and stuffing my face with pasta than I do on a first date with a stranger. Often, I cancel. Often, I cancel the day of – which is never a nice thing to do.

• Do: If you set a date and you know it’s not going to work out with your schedule, try to give them a heads up in advance. When you’re canceling, always have a backup time so that you can instantly reschedule. If you are canceling because you’re not interested, tell them that in a nice, and direct, way.

• Don’t: Wait till the morning of the date. I did this recently and the person was very upset. Can you even blame them? People are busy and make plans in advance. Also, if someone has already gone through the process of planning a date, canceling it is not fair to them.

Sometimes when I’m walking to work in the morning, I see couples holding hands and women pushing their babies around in a stroller, and I can’t help but be jealous. And as I just blew out 26 candles on my most recent birthday cake, I started to wonder if any of that is ever going to happen for me. No matter how many times I tell myself to relax or be happy with my current situation, I start to get nervous as I question if I’m doing this whole “dating” thing wrong. Should I be trying harder? Should I be going on more second or third dates with people I don’t see any potential with in the long run? Should I focus all my free time on browsing through 100hookup and messaging back strangers in email conversations that could potentially go nowhere?

• Do: If you are feeling like you are lost or down about being single, take a moment to figure out why or what is making you feel that way. Then, channel that energy into doing something about it. Spend a few more minutes each day browsing 100hookup, messaging people, and responding to emails.

• Don’t: Get down when you see others around you in a relationship. Jealousy won’t catapult you ahead or push you in a positive direction. Instead, compliment others and let them know how much you appreciate seeing them happy and wish that for yourself.

Say hello to Jen Glantz @tthingsilearned

We can all agree, writing about yourself is often a challenging and frightening task. When I was applying for jobs, I had such a hard time summarizing who I was in a one-page cover letter. When I then had to try to put together an online dating profile, I found that challenge pop up and slap me across the face once again. Sometimes it’s best to write your profile with a friend that you trust.

• Do: Have a friend come over and help you co-write your online dating profile. A friend that knows you well may be able to pull out some personality traits that you may gloss over.

• Don’t: Have them write it 100% for you. It should still have your voice and your unique touches to it. A friend should be there to compliment the process – not take over!

Get to know Jen Glantz on Twitter: @tthingsilearned

I was out the other night with a friend who was telling me she almost said “no” to a second date with her now long-term boyfriend. In fact, she did say no… and then said no again… but eventually his persistence wore off on her and she went out with him again. She told me how scary it is how we think we know someone after just one date, when we really know very little about them.

So here’s my advice:

• Do: If you are on a first date and there’s nothing going terribly wrong, be open to the idea of a second date. People often get so nervous on a first date that they don’t display their full personality, or even have the chance to really open up and share the details that make them who they are.

• Don’t: If the first date is really terrible and there are some fundamental differences between the two of you that you don’t think you can get past, it’s okay to not give that person a second chance. There’s no reason to go out with them again if you are going to feel uncomfortable.

Connect with Jen on Twitter: @tthingsilearned

I see this happen quite often. Friends finding their match – whether online or through other friends. It sometimes feels like it’s so easy for them, and yet so hard for everyone else. Either way, when it happens, it’s most important to be happy for them. Here’s how you can work on doing that:

• Do: Be sure to congratulate them on their new relationship and be happy for them. Even if at first you are overcome with jealousy, that feeling will pass. There’s no reason to explode those jealous feelings on your friends. Keep them to yourself — if possible.

• Don’t: Feel as though the world around you is moving in a different direction and it’s somehow, someway, easier for everyone else to meet someone. People enter relationships for all different reasons, at all different times in their lives. It’s important that you don’t compare and contrast your life with anyone else.

Often times when I go on first dates, I’m asking myself (prematurely) if I can see myself having a future with this person. But not just a future in the sense of multiple dates… but in the sense of marrying them and spending the next 60 years with them. And did I mention this is all happening after chatting for just one or two hours? All that pressure sometimes ruins my initial perception of a person and instead of having a good time on a date, I find myself having these internal battles with myself.

Here’s what you should do instead:

• Do: Dates 1-3 should be measured based on how well you get along with a person and, of course, how much fun you have with them. Do they interest you? Do you want to see them again next week? Make your judgments based off those questions.

• Don’t: Start picturing your wedding or your old-age days with this person. They will see this internal battle on your face, in your gestures, and in your responses. It’ll make you seem and feel disinterested in someone who could potentially be a great match.

Follow Jen here: @tthingsilearned

The other day I was telling a co-worker that I’m taking a dating break. I just need some time to sit back, relax, and spend time by myself. Okay, maybe part of that has to do with the fact that I just want to watch season two of House of Cards. Whatever the reason, sometimes we all just need to turn off our phones, shut off our computers, and just focus on ourselves for a bit.

• Do: Give yourself some time off from dating if you need it. Whether it’s a week or a month, take the time you need to hang out with friends or catch up on your personal to-do list. Refresh and reset your mind, and your heart.

• Don’t: Drag this on for too long. Once you stop doing something, it’s easy to lose the motivation to do it again. When I stop going to the gym, it takes me months to start again. Whenever you decide to start this break, make sure you also have an end date.

I always see articles on the internet that try to teach people about the perfect place to take someone on a first date. All the ideas I come across are very lavish, over the top, and truly a waste of time when you are meeting someone you know very little about – for the very first time.

• Do: It’s easiest to do something simple on your first date. I always recommend coffee or a drink. Something that allows the two of you to sit down and get to know each other for a little while. When there’s too much background noise or a crowd gets in your way, it becomes hard to truly get to know the person.

• Don’t: Do not go to noisy places. Save the movies for a future date. Go somewhere that’s close for you and them – no one is eager to travel a long distance to meet someone for the first time. Try to choose a place that’s convenient for both of you. You also want to select a time that is not too late at night in order to be considerate about the plans (whether it’s work or something else) that they have going on the next day. Try to make your first meeting a little after dinner time – especially if you are not planning to eat on your date.

Follow Jen here: @tthingsilearned

Bad dates: we’ve all had them. Some of us have them back-to-back, and we swear off dating to the point where we’d almost agree to do anything other than go on another one ever again. There’s a lot to do when you find yourself feeling annoyed by another bad date. The best thing, however, is to take a step back and — when you are ready — try again.

• Do: Talk about it. The best way to get over a bad date is to find a way to laugh about it. Maybe they were rude, or you did something embarrassing, or there was more chemistry in the liquid concoction you were drinking during the date than there was between the two of you. Tell your friends about it, or your roommate, or whomever will take the time to listen. The more people that you tell, the better you’ll feel — and the more you’ll be ready to move on and try again.

• Don’t: Sulk in it. Try not to replay the details in your head over and over again. Try to let it go before it overwhelms you. The more you think about it, the more it will start to become a part of you — and it’s best to avoid that.