Archive for October, 2015

A new book written by economist Jon Birgir titled Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game supports my theory about dating being a numbers game — and he’s taken it to the next level with research and statistics. Unfortunately, the results may not inspire you, especially if you’re female! The book asserts that since there are more women attending university, that means that educated women will outnumber men at that level, which will lead to a further increase of the lopsided ratio.

The advice from the author? Open your mind to a mixed-collar marriage (professional women marrying working-class men). Interestingly, there are a few cities that are worse off than others when it comes to more educated women than men: New York (38%), Raleigh (49%), and Miami (94%).

One area that has more hope for women? The Bay Area (Silicon Valley and San Francisco specifically).

Find other tips for increasing your numbers game in How to Woo a Jew: The Modern hookup Game to Dating & Mating.

Dear Tamar,

I met a guy a couple of weeks ago and we have been talking on the phone for hours every night. I love how easy it is to talk to him, and we have so much in common. It seems like this could really be the start of something great! Except, of course, for the fact that we have yet to meet. We talk about making plans, but nothing ever comes of it. Please help me transition this relationship off the phone and into a date!

Sleepless in Seattle… because I’m on the phone all night with this guy!

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sleepless,

I hate to start off by saying I told you so, but… it’s not a good sign that this guy hasn’t made it a priority to meet you. A guy who likes you is asking you out on the first phone call. This pattern looks like a guy who likely has a girlfriend and is bored, or he’s single and bored, or he’s just bored. Sorry, I know that’s tough to accept because of the connection you’ve forged, but you have to ask yourself why someone is spending so much time getting to know you without making the commitment to actually meet you.

We have to stop making excuses for these prospects. If they have the time to spend talking on the phone for even two hours (and I’m sure you’re talking for longer than that), then they have the time to meet you. At this point you need to make it an ultimatum: “I’ve had such a great time getting to know you on the phone, but at this point I think we need to finally meet before things go any further.” Then see what he says. I’m afraid it will likely be another excuse and you will have to decide if the phone line is a strong enough connection… or not.

Get more dating advice by following @HowToWooAJew on Instagram.

Here in the Midwest, the temperature finally dropped this week, and it’s clear fall has arrived.  I knew this because it was cool outside, yes, but another telltale sign was the state of the outerwear section of a department store I was in last week – it seriously looked like the bread aisle in a grocery store right before a predicted snowstorm! With the fall air comes renewed date ideas — picnics in the park and baseball games are replaced by fall festivals and things involving pumpkins. In honor of the season, here’s a somewhat poetic ode to autumn.

Apple picking and all the rest

Leggings, boots, a puffy vest.

Pumpkin this, pumpkin that,

Spiced lattes in a vat.

Candy apples at simchas torah,

Only two months til we light the menorah.

Take your gal on a hay ride

She doesn’t like it? At least you tried.

Hanging around a hot bonfire

Sit too close and you’ll perspire.

New fling at the end of its days?

Try to lose him in a corn maze.

Log on before it’s too late –

Search profiles and make a fall date!

Dear Tamar,

I started dating a guy from 100hookup about a month ago and things have been perfect, but I’m scared they’re actually too good to be true. We get along great, we have so much in common, we never argue, there’s chemistry, we call and text without any hesitation or doubt, my parents already met him and love him, and we naturally referred to ourselves as being in a relationship without having “The Talk.” But now I’m scared it’s all going to explode in my face. I’ve never been in a relationship that went so smoothly… but maybe this is how it’s supposed to be? Am I sabotaging it?

-Marisa

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Marisa,

It is very possible that you’re sabotaging a truly great relationship, but I also understand why you’re being cautious. We are so used to dating being difficult that when it’s not we are stunned.

That said, one red flag of the things that you mentioned is the fact that you never argue. It’s not that you should argue — compromising is really important — but you need to see how you both react when one or both of you gets angry… because you will argue eventually. Don’t pick a fight on purpose, the longer you are together the chances are it will happen on its own and you can see how things go down.

Speaking of the amount of time you’re together… it’s still pretty early on in the relationship. You both are still on your best behavior and have the new relationship glow creating a bubble around you where everything is fun and loving. Until that bubble pops and reality sets in, then you won’t really know if it’s too good to be true or not. I suggest enjoying the bubble while it lasts, but know that it won’t last forever. In the meantime try to set a really good foundation while things are good. And good luck!

Follow Tamar on Instagram @howtowooajew

Dear Tamar,

I’ve always had a difficult time accepting compliments but obviously I’m put in the position to hear them on first dates (not trying to be egotistical, people just tend to offer a lot of flattery when they first meet). So I guess what I’m asking for are a few pointers of how to say thank you while making it sound genuine without sounding like I expect the compliment either.

-Attention Non-Seeker ______________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Attention Non-Seeker,

You’re right, flattery is part of the dating game. Obviously we go on dates with people we find attractive and want to let those people know so. Replying is tricky, you’re correct there as well. Here are a few responses to have in your arsenal:

• “Thank you, that’s very sweet, I appreciate it.”
• “Awww, really, you think so? Thank you!”
• “Thanks, no one ever compliments me on that, how kind/cool/sweet of you to notice.”
• “Thank you! You know, I was just noticing how amazing your eyes/smile/skin is!”

But it’s not just the words, you have to match it with your tone and facial expression. Work on making sure your voice sounds genuine when you say it by smiling — but don’t fake smile, a real smile means your eyes will smile too (“smize” if you will, a la Tyra Banks) and that will help support the authenticity of your reception of the compliment.

Get more advice by following @howtowooajew on Instagram!

Dear Tamar,

I went on two pretty good dates with a guy from 100hookup last week, and sent him a text wishing him a Happy Sukkot and a good week on Monday. Now it’s Tuesday and I haven’t heard back.

What do I do?

-Waiting

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Waiting,

Well… I have two responses you probably don’t want to hear.

The first, is that you shouldn’t have texted to begin with, even though you had really sweet intent. But, we can’t go back and undo the past. It’s too early to be communicating via text since you don’t know each other well enough. Stick to short phone calls that are primarily for making plans. Only after at least half a dozen dates consistently for a few weeks should you begin texting. Exceptions are to let your date know you arrived home safely and thanking them again for a nice evening.

The second, is that if he hasn’t texted you back by now, then chances are you may not ever hear from him again. Is it anything you did? No. Was it the text? No. This guy just wasn’t as into you as you were into him. It sucks. There is a chance that he saw it, couldn’t reply at that exact moment, and then forgot. But, the hope is that a guy who likes you will have thought about you at some point since then and recalled that you sent him a text. Waiting a full day if not longer to reply is not playing hard to get; it’s just being a jerk. Move on.

Now, is there a chance that he could call this week and ask you out again? Sure. It is a bit egocentric of us to believe that people’s lives should revolve around replying to texts with someone we’ve met twice, but then again if you like someone then you would reply in an acceptable amount of time. If you’re playing hard to get then maybe you wait an hour… but a day? No. We are on some sort of electronic device far too often to have any other excuse aside from the person simply not being a priority.

Alas, it’s been two dates and one day since the text so all is not lost. If you choose to accept the date, then don’t even mention the text — the last thing a new dater wants is someone who overreacts to such things.

Follow Tamar on Instagram for more dating tips @howtowooajew