Date in Reality, Not in Your Mind
by Caryn Alper
under Date Night,100hookup,Online Dating,Relationships,Single Life
I’ve been thinking about last week’s post, and today I’d like to piggyback on that same concept – specifically on the detriments of texting. Texting and emailing a new person (whom we haven’t met in person yet) is like inflating an imaginary balloon (stay with me here). But, instead of blowing in oxygen or helium, we tend to inflate it with all of our hopes, dreams, and visions of the future.
Here’s an illustration of what I mean: Let’s say you’ve been exchanging a few witty emails with a cute guy online and he asks for your number. Your conversation moves to text, and the banter continues. You’re feeling good about him, and you get excited and smile when you hear the beep of a new message. You know a lot about him – he’s cute in his picture, he has a good job, he uses grammar correctly and emoticons appropriately. You might even be able to tell that he’s smart, kind, and funny – after all, you two say that you like the same things, and his texts always make you laugh. You start to wonder what your first date might be like – you’re sure he would pick you up and be such a gentleman while whisking you off to this really cool little Italian place you’ve never seen before. And you just know your family would love him. You both have younger brothers, and they would totally be friends, and oh, I wonder how many kids he wants? He would be the best dad… Congratulations! You’ve found yourself a nice, hookup… pen pal. That’s it. You actually don’t know anything substantial about this guy with whom you are planning a life. So what happens when the day finally arrives when dream boy asks you out on a date (or wants to meet up, or whatever)? You’re ecstatic and can’t wait to have the last first date ever! However…
The Italian restaurant in your dreams becomes a skate park in reality, his gentlemanly ways become surprisingly bro-ish, and he’s kind of impatient with other people, which you hate. He plays with his phone while you’re talking and pops gum like a teenager. And poof – that balloon I was talking about just popped, sprinkling all your hopes over some dirty skateboard. He was supposed to be your prince in shining armor! What happened?
Unfortunately, this guy did nothing wrong (other than wait too long to take you out)! The problem, I’m sorry to say – is you – or more specifically, your expectations. Imagination is a good thing, but when you start to imagine certain scenarios, it’s really easy to get carried away and expect them to occur, especially when you get positive feedback from the object of your desires. If you’re really hopeful that a relationship will bloom with someone, you’re more likely to make positive attributions to otherwise neutral occurrences. So your mind turns “I like kids” into “I want to have kids with you!”
So what does all this have to do with texting? Well, the longer you text back and forth, the more opportunity your mind has to project good things onto a person you don’t really know. Moral of the story: stop texting and meet already! That, or totally manage your expectations. But, I think it’s easier and more fun to just go on a date and form a realistic opinion of someone without the use of emoticons.
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March 12th, 2015 at 2:33 pm
Really, I think that the love is the most important in our life! The loneliness is very bad state! Such feeling as the love gives us wings! =) We can do crazy actions and be very happy! But I think that we shouldn’t be focused on it. We must be opened, cheerful and interesting to other people! For example I was alone for a long time and I made a decision to develop and improve myself and then I found my “happiness”! =) I think that my beloved man is “the gift of fate” for me! We met in the site https://kovla.com/ and understood that we are created for each other! Now we live in perfect harmony and wait for our firstborn! =) Everything is in our hands!