Archive for August, 2013

One of the first arguments or questions that may float through your head after going on a few dates with someone you’ve met online is, when should both of us cancel our membership or stop checking the site? Is it okay to get mad at someone for logging on the site after you’ve been on three dates with each other and you’ve found yourself developing feelings? Should I feel like a bad person for going on the site to check my messages and search around, even though things are starting to move toward a potentially serious relationship?

• Do: Have a conversation with that person. Before (or “after” in most cases) getting mad about finding out that the person you’re dating is still active on the site, talk to them to see where your relationship stands. Are both of you ready to be exclusive and take things more seriously? Or, are both of you okay with going on other dates with new people? This status type of conversation is not one that’s meant to put pressure or titles on anyone, it’s just to clear the air and keep the honesty flowing. It’s important to be on the same page as the person you’re seeing.

• Don’t: Get mad and/or ignore the person you’re dating. They might not actually be seeing other people or keeping up with their profile. Instead of assuming, bring it up. If it’s too awkward of a conversation to have, or you’re too nervous, take a step back.

To read more Jen Glantz, visit: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.

Social Media — Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and blogs — has given people a false sense of self-worth. Post a pic and 98 of your closest friends and acquaintances will instantly “LIKE” it. Add an event to your timeline and people whom you haven’t seen in more than a decade will comment about your dog dying when you run into them on the street tomorrow. But check out this real-life scenario:

You’re on 100hookup, you are following my advice by poly-dating, and after a few dates with a few different prospects, you add or accept invitations to add these prospects on Facebook.

Then one of the more promising prospects stands you up on a date and what do you do? Well, naturally (enter sarcasm here) you take to Facebook to rant about being stood up. You use word like “rejection” and “desperate” and “soul mate” and “self-worth” and other extremely exaggerated terms to describe how you’re feeling right at that very moment about something that, in the long run, will end up being just a memory among millions… less than a drop of water in the ocean.

Except… all the other prospects now see that “Status Update” and are totally turned off. Not only is it clear that you are more into someone else, but you are now outed as a poly-dater (there’s nothing wrong with poly-dating, just don’t go around promoting it), and as an unnecessarily emotional single who likes to broadcast their baggage.

• Bottom line: all these social media sites are public. Unless you block certain people from seeing your updates, then all your friends — and possibly their friends, and possibly the whole world — can see everything. Keep your crazy to yourself and call a friend to vent rather than hashtagging your emotions.

Dating a new guy who actually intrigues you? Mazel tov! That’s the first step towards finding lasting love. If you want to ensure this new man stays interested, here are three things NOT to do!

1. Get Clingy

Being clingy covers a lot really. Neediness. Desperation. Loneliness. It’s ok to experience these feelings at certain times in your life, but it’s not ok to let these feelings take control. As soon as you do, your actions are going to reflect them. And there is no bigger turnoff than a stage-five clinger. After all, you wouldn’t want these qualities in the guy you’re dating, would you? Exactly. He doesn’t want it either. If you’re calling him and texting him five times a day, and you just met a week ago, you need to slow down. If you’re upset that he doesn’t spend more time with you, and you’ve only been dating a month, it’s also time to slow down. Show him that you had a life before him, and you still have a life now that he’s in it. Think about how often you see friends and remember that they know you extremely well by this point. He doesn’t and it’s going to require patience for you two to get there.

2. Expect Him to Put in All the Effort

Over and over, I hear the same thing repeated from the lips of my single friends, “HE should be putting in all the effort, NOT me.” Let’s think about this logically. You’re trying to form a relationship with a guy, and you expect him to do all of the work? What kind of one-sided relationship are you looking for? There needs to be a balance of give and take. That means you need to give your best effort too, ladies. Text him to let him know you’re thinking about him (but not too much or you’ll violate rule number one). Call him if it’s been a few days and you feel like you need that connection. Don’t wait for him all the time. You’re confident, independent and you take charge when you want something. Don’t make your love life the exception.

3. Put Unrealistic Expectations on Him

Guys are not special. They do not possess magic abilities to read your mind. They haven’t watched your favorite romantic comedy and vowed to be just like that main character you love. They aren’t your prince charming or a knight in shining armor. They aren’t going to swoop in like a super hero and save you. They are human, just like you. They have wants, needs, and fears just like you do. Most guys are pretty open about who they’ll go on dates with and are willing to give it a shot with just about any woman as long as there is a basic attraction. The point is, men often go into dates with an open mind. It’s important that you do too, because your perfect man on paper is just that – a piece of paper. You want a real man, complete with his imperfections, unexpected surprises and his adorable quirks.

How do you answer 100hookup’s questions without sounding repetitive or cheesy or fake or boring? Let me help you craft personal and inticing answers to both the basic and intimate questions.

“My Past Relationships”

There’s no need to discuss why you were just dumped or why you broke up with your last significant other. Don’t get into the details here of what went wrong, rather talk about what you learned from the demise. This section’s answer shouldn’t be too lengthy, if you find that you’re writing a novel then take that to a journal and leave just the life lessons in your response.

Some examples to use:

I learned what kind of boy/girlfriend I want to be and what kind of girl/boyfriend I need and want

I learned not to sweat the small stuff

I learned that I need affection and that I need someone who enjoys affection in return

I learned how to communicate more effectively

I learned that it’s boring to always agree, but that we need to disagree in a healthy way

I learned not to let things fester but to calmly address issues as they arise

I learned that mutual respect is just as important as mutual attraction