Archive for February, 2013

Dear Tamar,

I’ve signed up for 100hookup to put myself out there again to find a partnership that will lead to marriage and children (and hopefully last a lifetime)! I’ve been somewhat active on the site for the past month, and have sent a number of messages to folks, but have not received responses from anyone. That could just be fate, or timing; but I have to also consider the possibility that I’m not presenting myself in an optimal fashion! Please help.

-Is it Fate or Timing?

Dear Is it Fate or Timing?,

I’m happy to help. Sometimes not hearing back from a prospect is fate — she just wasn’t meant for you. Other times it is timing — don’t give up. Tweak your profile with my advice and hopefully fate and timing will align. Let’s get started:

•  Photos:

You’ve got three great pictures, but you could use a 4th one that is also not a professional photo to show consistency and reality. The order is great, keep the candid color photo as your profile photo.

• In Your Own Words:

In the “About Me” section I would delete your last paragraph. It supplies too much information and yet are all great conversation pieces for the first few dates with someone new.  Under “A Brief History of My Life” I would condense the information and delete the line “back in… for good!” since you also say you are willing to relocate. Maybe something more like: “Born in Northern California and raised in Southern California, I attended UCLA for undergrad and went east for law school in Boston before returning to the best, er, west coast. I love to go back to New England often and even became a loyal Red Sox fan, but Cali is where my heart is.” And with the “What I’m Looking For” section, try to describe the woman you’re looking for using words you won’t read on anyone else’s profile. Maybe try using either the first half or the second half of the paragraph, but both combined is a bit redundant and long-winded.

• Preferences:

Make sure to answer all the questions, especially if you are “Willing to Relocate.” And I know you want to find a woman to have a family with, but I would increase your maximum age by a few years and for a few reasons. First, you don’t want to come off as misogynistic by capping the age of the women too young even though your intent has to do with fertility and second, you don’t want to eliminate some great women by just one or two years because plenty of women are having children into their 40s.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Dating can suck. It can make even the sanest person go crazy. Try as hard as you can not to let it. When your new guy or gal doesn’t answer the phone or immediately text you back, don’t automatically assume that he or she is doing something they are not supposed to. Take a deep breath. Distract yourself. And get those insecure thoughts out of your head so that you don’t begin to act and sound cray-cray. There will almost always be a very rational explanation which you should not assume is a lie. And if it is daylight hours during a workweek then you really can’t fault anyone for not giving you the attention you hoped for when someone is conducting business. In fact, if it’s only been one phone call unanswered or an hour without a reply to the text, then don’t even question the delay or you will sound cray-cray. If this is repetitive behavior and the self-made excuses sound fishy that’s when it warrants some questioning and doubt, but not before.

So much response to “Stalker Tendencies: 5 Things NOT to do with a New Love Interest”   made me realize that people don’t think this type of behavior exists. Unfortunately, it does. Sometimes with scary repercussions, other times it’s just benign. But ALL of the items I listed happened. One comment mentioned a boyfriend who actually got a job at the Post Office to find her new address. That is extreme. Kind of like the sneaking-into-his-apartment-and-redecorating stint I mentioned. But Facebook stalking has become the norm. A weird norm, but it happens the vast majority of the time. It’s not just psychos doing it either, nearly everyone I know Google’s their date’s name and search him or her on Facebook. One comment said she found out her significant other was dating another woman — she could have dumped him but instead managed to get him to dump the other woman. Regardless of the outcome, her Facebook-ing allowed her to see the truth. Of course, most people aren’t so dumb as to post pictures of themselves doing something they aren’t supposed to and if it’s out there for the world to see then it’s not necessarily “stalking.” But even if you just know the names of their friends, the last few places they visited and their dog’s name all before a 1st date, then you are officially a stalker. Embrace it, it’s a part of our lives now with the influx of technology. Just don’t take it too far because if you get caught  it could ruin what would have otherwise been a very good thing.

I am writing this blog post at my girlfriend’s home. I consider that in itself a success. I’m an expert at almost nothing, but — if there’s something I not only do not qualify to give advice on, but believe that my advice may actually cause bodily harm — it’s dating.

Dating sucks. That’s why typical dating spots usually offer an abundance of alcohol. Without alcohol I would be so much of a worse/better dater.

The first enjoyable date I have ever attended was the first one with my current girlfriend. Yes, I had a beer, and yes, fajitas were involved, but there was so much more. Sour cream… Guacamole….

It was the first time I was out with a person when I was simultaneously not nervous at all — and yet completely terrified. I could completely be myself, yet still had to calculate my every move because I wanted another opportunity to be myself again. On the drive home, though I had just experienced something great, I knew, because of a lifetime of being in this situation before, that this would have been our only experience together.

She texted me five minutes after I left.

Today, I’m still in disbelief. For example, after spending a weekend with her, there’s still a part of me that believes she won’t want to see me again. Every new text from her is just like the first one.

I suppose 15 children and 65 years may improve my confidence.

Welcome to the newest feature on the 100hookup blog called “Interviews with Women”. This week I am interviewing the ladies from the famous Twitter feed @100hookupprobs, where they discuss over a series of 140 character messages just how important men are to the world.

Here are a few questions I posed:

Both of you are 21. Why be on 100hookup at such an early age? What is the benefit? What have you found so far? Does Age help or hurt?

First Answer: Yes, I’m 21 and I’m in college but dating in college is not super my scene. I’ve had two boyfriends in college, one really serious but I knew that long term, they weren’t what I was looking for, either because of lack of ambition or lack of Judaism.  MLJ and I were talking the other night and being 21, in or out of college is really hard, especially when so many great guys on 100hookup are mid-twenties and are seemingly afraid of dating someone who has only been able to legally drink for less than a year. Personally, I’ve found some creepy guy who are like 40+ looking for a young girl to go out with and I assume go home with at the end of the night (so not into it) but mostly just nice guys who really want to meet the right person. That last part may have been the hopeless romantic in me but I do think that so many people on 100hookup are on it for the right reasons.

Does blogging your dating plights increase the amount of date requests you get?

1. Drew Barrymore Plans to Raise Her Daughter hookup

Drew Barrymore plans to raise her daughter Olive in the hookup religion and says she may convert to Judaism as well.

The 37-year-old actress made an appearance on ABC’s The View last week where she told the hosts that her daughter would be following the faith of her father, Will Kopelman. The couple married last June and delivered their baby girl last September.

“I haven’t converted yet,” Barrymore said in response to questioning from host Joy Behar. “Olive will be raised traditionally. And we had a very traditional wedding ceremony with Rabbi Rubenstein and I did the ketubah. We wore the yarmulkes and we were under the chuppah. I’m there. I love it.”

2. Bar Rafaeli Makes Out with a Geek in a New Ad

Bar Rafaeli starred in an extremely uncomfortable ad that aired during football’s biggest game on Sunday. The ad had the Israeli model locking lips and swirling tongues with “Walter,” a chubby Go Daddy tech geek played by Jesse Heiman.

Long-time GoDaddy.com spokeswoman Danica Patrick first introduces Rafaeli in the ad, and then introduces “Walter,” a nerd with a computer who is promised to “create a killer website for your small business.”

“Together, they’re perfect,” Patrick says. Then, things get uncomfortable. Rafaeli and Walter begin locking lips and the kiss includes some pretty horrific sound effects that make the commercial that much more awkward. Watch the video for yourself here.

3. Past NYC Mayor Ed Koch Dies at Age 88

Ed Koch, a former mayor of New York City, died last week of congestive heart failure at age 88. He was one of Judaism’s leading political figures and a staunch advocate for Israel.

Koch spent decades in the political arena, serving as the mayor of New York City from 1978 to 1989. He is noted as helping turn around the Big Apple (a city he loved), bringing it through some of its most tumultuous years, and refusing to dodge questions from the press or the public… no matter what.

“Why can’t all single ladies shake it like Beyonce?” asked the single guy after football’s biggest game on Sunday.

First, Destiny’s Child’s hit song “Independent Women” was the anthem for every pantsuit-wearing female executive in training. Then, Beyonce’s hit “Single Ladies” became a worldwide proclamation from women to men telling them to “sh*t or get off the pot.” One thing became very clear, Beyonce had girl power!

Unfortunately, for single women everywhere, Beyonce has got girl power, an amazing body, a flawless face, and incredible dance moves.  If all women could move like Beyonce, there would be no women left in the club raising their left hand to the lyrics  “if you like it, then you should’ve put a ring on it.”

I love Beyonce, and after last night’s killer half-time performance, it’s safe to say I have a girl crush. But, I’m quite certain she is setting the wrong expectation for single men everywhere. According to Beyonce, single men can find a woman who is strong, independent, HOT, and with a booty-shake that will blow your mind. Her worst trait will be that she wants you to “put a ring on it.”

I’d like to help set more realistic expectations for the single men out there, but I’d hate to burst their bubble so soon after that half-time performance… plus I’ve got to go practice my booty shake.

Dear Tamar,

I would greatly appreciate it if you took a look at my profile and gave me some suggestions. I’ve worked with a love mentor for two years and have reworked my profile. I’m an attractive woman, write well and am accomplished. I just don’t understand why I don’t get more hits.

I do all the things that are advised. I’m on 100hookup regularly and even tweak my profile often. Any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions? I have had some significant relationships (two in particular were with men I met on 100hookup). I want to meet my last special man!

Dear Lacking Responses,

You have a great screen name and lots of beautiful pictures showing your face very clearly. There are two photos (#6 & #7) which are basically repeats of number #2. I would delete those as they aren’t necessary. Otherwise, you did a great job with the profile photos! I especially like that you included ones with your daughters and grandchildren.

Your “About Me” spiel is very well written and straightforward about what you are offering a companion, and what you hope for in return. I think the second paragraph is bit much and can be overwhelming as you have already revealed plenty in the first paragraph. I would review that first paragraph one more time and see where you can edit it down as it can read as repetitive. You are using different adjectives to describe the same thing and you don’t want to lose the reader’s interest. Once you complete that task, then break it up into two paragraphs once again. Other 100hookuprs should be sure they are not repeating the same ideas in their profile again and again as well!

Most of your other “In My Own Words” elements are concise and well-written. I would condense “The Coolest Places I’ve Visited” because it can come across wrong being that you’ve traveled the world. Plus, you can save this info for more conversation topics when you meet up with other 100hookuprs in person. Something along the lines of “_________ was one of my favorites, but I have many and I’d love to share some of my more adventurous stories with you. I’ve been hiking different National Parks recently and can’t wait to explore our beautiful country with someone special.”

The same goes for “My Ideal Relationship” — condense the descriptiveness. Warmth, intimacy, joy, relationship, companionship, caring, nurturing, compatible, enrich, savor, enjoy, respect, and thrilled. If you read all those words in the span of four sentences, then you would be a bit thrown off as well, right? Trim it.

Finally, you should be proud of how great you look at your age and put your real age. Just as you don’t want to turn off men who make assumptions based on age, you shouldn’t do the same. Increase your maximum age limit a few years and be open to someone 10 years your junior.

There used to be a time when we were all not so scared of using the telephone.

Do you remember the days when you used to have your best friend’s phone number memorized? Or how you’d beam with excitement and your tummy would swarm with nervous butterflies when your mom would shout from the downstairs corridor, “Jennifer, there’s someone on the telephone for you.”

Today, I have friends that don’t even know their significant other’s phone number by heart. While they do know their Twitter handle or their Instagram name, that won’t help them one bit if they were to be stranded somewhere, face-to-face with a payphone. They’d only be able to communicate by typing a message in 140 characters, or less.

With the cold weather making us want to hide underneath a blanket (note: if you live in Florida, or somewhere else tropical, that blanket has holes and those holes are nicely filled in with sunshine—so enjoy!), it’s often difficult to muster up the amount of clothing and energy required to leave the heat that radiates from between our couch cushions to attend a first date. And if we do make that first move, we often spend the first couple of “getting to know you” minutes defrosting, or like me on my most recent first date, dealing with an unattractive case of a nonstop running nose.

How about breaking the ice (until summer time can do that for us) with a preliminary get-to-know-you phone call-date before meeting in person?

Do: Phone your new friend during appropriate hours. No one appreciates an energetic “HELLO, I’m Jen!” as their early morning wake-up call at the dreadful hour of 8am, or as a late night booty call at the lazy-eyed hour of 11pm. If you’re going to make the move of dancing your fingers on the keypad, do it at a respectable hour.

Don’t: Stray away from rehearsed “about me” speeches, or a set of designated job-like interview questions. On the phone, you should give off an inherently relaxed tone, as if you were having a conversation with someone in person. Carry a casual and flowing conversation, taking a deep breath during natural pauses and creating an infrastructure that will be easy to build on top of once you meet up in person.

Read more of Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com