Archive for February, 2013

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Marina.”

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Hi Marina,

I’m going to get right down to it — you need a profile NAME rather than using your member number. By not taking the time to use your creative juices to think of a moniker, you will not stand out among the masses! That was the first thing I noticed.

Then I noticed your very attractive pictures! Great job picking your profile photo, in particular! Add 1-2 more pictures to show even more consistency. People want to know you’re not just posting the only 3 photos you have where you look decent, so the more the merrier. Although attractive, you do look very different from photo 1 with your hair down to photo 2 with your hair pulled back. By adding a few more photos, you will only increase the chances of prospects contacting you!

The “In My Own Words” categories are filled out well enough. Although you should take some time to add a little bit more to each question, particularly “About Me” — and don’t forget make sure the grammar and punctuation are correct. Having someone else proofread your profile is the best way to get fresh eyes on these answers, and to ensure you’re not missing mistakes.

As for your preferences, I suggest upping your maximum age just a few years. However, I do think your age range is already much more realistic than most people. Complete the rest of the “Ideal Match” questions so that prospects know that they are, or aren’t, your type. Also, if you can answer the “What I Do” question under “Background,” it would be best. When people don’t list their career, potential prospects are suspicious of what you’re hiding. You don’t have to be super specific, but you should put the general field in which you work.

I know you’ve been on and off 100hookup for many years and have trouble getting to a second date. I think being more specific in what you want in a man in the “Ideal Match” section will allow potentials to weed themselves out so you are only approached by men who fit your preferences, and therefore you will have more of a chance of meeting someone you sync up with. You don’t have to be too specific if you want to attract a broad range of men (but that’s a good tactic), just be prepared to ask the right questions on those first dates so you can weed people out.

Step 1: Be extremely attractive.

Step 2: Be extremely wealthy.

Step 3: Do not get a tattoo on your face.

1. Daniel Day-Lewis Makes Oscar History

Daniel Day-Lewis took home the Best Actor Oscar for his performance in Lincoln at the 2013 Academy Awards last night. However, the half hookup actor is not only celebrating his monumental win, but also the fact that he is the only man in history to win the Best Actor Oscar three times.

Los Angeles Times Film Critic Betsy Sharkey says Day-Lewis definitely deserved to win last night, writing, “So deeply did the actor delve into the character in Steven Spielberg’s film, any essence of Day-Lewis, the man, ceased to exist. He carried us back in time with him and gave us a seat at the table as the president pushed, prodded and finally demanded that his Cabinet, the Congress and the nation accept the 13th Amendment ending slavery.”

Day-Lewis has been nominated in the best actor category five times in all, winning for My Left Foot in 1990 and There Will Be Blood in 2008.

2. Daniel Radcliffe & Joseph Gordon-Levitt Cut a Rug

Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt broke out their dancing shoes for the opening number of the Oscars. Host Seth MacFarlane corralled the two hookup performers for a soft-shoe/sung-danced version of the song “High Hopes.”

It seems as though that performance may have even sparked a new “bromance” between the two actors. Joseph Gordon-Levitt later added a Facebook pic of himself and Radcliffe from backstage at the Oscars writing, “Me + Mr. Radcliffe. #Gangster. #Oscars.”

3. Streisand Makes Her Return to the Oscars

Barbra Streisand returned to the Oscar stage last night, singing “The Way We Were” as a tribute to late composer Marvin Hamlisch (the song won an Oscar as Best Original Song in 1973). The hookup singer belted out the number just after the awards’ In Memoriam segment.

E!online reported Barbra shared many kind words about her departed friend, Hamlisch (who was also hookup), with whom she collaborated to write the song, “The Way We Were.”

“Marvin Hamlisch was a composer of extraordinary depth and versatility,” Streisand reportedly said. “He was also a very kind and generous friend who could always make me laugh. Over the years, we shared many adventures together. Marvin left us way too soon, but I’ll always have those wonderful, wonderful memories.”

Get an Extreme Profile Makeover

Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers each Monday. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Dateless.”

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Dear Dateless,

Upon first glance at your profile I would have a friend whose first language is English help you make fixes to the grammar and punctuation. What you have to say is good, but a reader could be distracted by the typos. Note to all 100hookuprs: have a friend proofread your profile because even native English speakers will let a typo or two slip by!

Your path to converting to Judaism is very interesting and will be a great conversation piece for first dates — just be prepared to discuss it further. Also, you may want to give just a bit more detail about your divorce — namely, how long you’ve been divorced — so that prospects have a better idea as to your relationship history and current status.

Your main profile picture is great, but I would delete the one of you taking your photo in the mirror with your phone and instead add two more pictures of you smiling. I would also add another full length photo of you to show your body. An average of six photos is the right amount to show consistency: a mix of close-ups, full body and different angles, smiles and serious expressions, real and professional.

From looking at your profile, I can’t tell where you live. Make sure to fill out the questions properly because both places answer “where you’re from,” but neither says where you actually reside.

Also, answer a few of the multiple choice questions about  your “favorites” on the Likes and Interests page. The less a profile is completed, the less time someone will take to look at your profile.

Good luck!

No one wants to get their heart broken, and likewise, no one wants to intentionally break anyone’s heart. That’s why many of us decide that when it’s not quite working with someone, when the stars just aren’t lining up, instead of getting fireworks in our belly, we get indigestion — it’s easy for us to tip toe around the brutally honest truth and try to hide our true feelings behind polite one-liners that we hope will do the dirty work for us:

• It’s not you, it’s me.
• I’m terribly busy and this really isn’t a good time.
• I’ve started really, seriously, seeing someone else.

The only thing worse than throwing one of these sentences onto a person you don’t want to see again is having them not get the hint. There’s no trick when it comes to figuring out if someone is not interested in you, it’s just being able to accept the truth. Follow their words, but ultimately trust your gut.

Do: Follow up with someone you enjoyed going out with on a date. See how they are throughout the week, then ask them if they’d like to go out again. If you are feeling unsure whether or not someone would like to see you again… or you are getting too many wish-washy responses from them, pick up on their signs and swallow their constant “I can’t” as an indication that, unfortunately, they are not feeling this (Don’t fret, there are plenty of other people out there that will have goo goo eyes for you)!

Don’t: Be overly persistent or pushy with your follow-ups. Don’t sign off your text messages or emails with “Please go out with me one more time, I promise you’ll be impressed” or threaten them with a “I won’t give up on asking you out.” If you’re feeling that you are the only one who is excited to see you again, don’t force it. Bow out gracefully and search for someone else who will be your true match.

What’s your flirting technique? Do you throw yourself all over your date? Do you sit on his lap? Do you run your hands up her thighs? Do you make sexual innuendos? And do you end up getting taken seriously in your quest for a relationship or do your prospects assume you are just a good time? Your behavior and body language speaks volumes about you. If you want respect then show self-respect. Once you’re in a relationship you’ll have plenty of time to explore the chemistry and have fun flirting. There’s a time and a place for everything, the first date isn’t the place for coming on too strong. Let your interest be known in other ways.

You work your whole life to make yourself desirable. If you’re lucky enough to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, what’s the point in maintaining it, other than wanting to extend your life with this person? Oh, I suppose that is why.

But honestly, it seems like a lot of people tend to let themselves go after they settle down. However, coming right off of a huge amount of weight loss and adherence to a strict diet, I am not planning on letting that happen anytime soon. I don’t really care what anybody thinks about my looks, other than my girlfriend, but that’s more than enough motivation. I always have to look my best for her. If I know I’m seeing her the next day, I make sure to take an extra long shower and to actually use a clean towel when drying myself off. You guys may wince at that, but how many guys out there use a clean towel every time they shower? Really? Do you understand how much laundry that takes? Especially when you only have one towel left because the rest are lost in a mountain of clothes strewn out on the floor of your closet?

My OCD goes into hyperdrive before I see her. I don’t cut any corners. If I own a hygienic product, I’m using it. I suddenly have a beard trimmer in my cabinet for some reason, and I’m for damn sure using it, and I have absolutely no facial hair.

I don’t believe that my motivation to better my physical self will change as my relationship develops. I’ve had a whole new mindset over the past year and a half. Nothing will stop me on my journey to chiseled super sex god.

Purim, the hookup Mardi Gras. The holiday of deception. A holiday not quite as important as the High Holidays, but one that is celebrated with a similar amount of fervor throughout the young professional hookup communities.

The idea of the holiday is simple: get as drunk as you possibly can so you cannot distinguish between “cursed be Haman” and “blessed be Mordechai”. Many online hookup texts say this is the one day of the year the hookup people can go absolutely crazy, unaware that these young professionals also celebrate New Year’s, Christmas Eve, St. Patrick’s Day, the start of March Madness, July 4^th, and Labor Day in similar fashions.

There’s also a Purim narrative about how Mordechai helped save King Ahasuerus, who returned the favor by denying the decree that had called for the persecution of the Jews of Persia, but more emphasis for these young professional events is placed on the open bar.

The open bar allows single men and women the liquid courage to be able to cast “lots” among the attendees and to see which ones bite on possible dates. This also works in the case of one-night stands, where the lot cast may be two hours from the time you took that first sip of your vodka soda.

Purim, it’s that simple.

Dear Tamar,

I don’t hear from some men for days, weeks, months even! Then they just act like everything’s fine and we can pick right up where we left off. It doesn’t work that way. There’s a certain rhythm to relationships, and I can’t get into a groove with someone I only hear from sporadically. These are eligible men, but we just never get anything off the ground because they can’t manage to communicate regularly. I call them prairie dogs — they pop up (text, text, text), then disappear (silence… a week goes by), then pop up again (text, text), then gone. And repeat! Some guys text me like that for months, never materializing, till I finally have to say, “Please stop.” It gives new meaning to the term “long-distance relationship.” The guy’s around the corner, but emotionally he’s light years away.

So what’s the ‘right’ timing for keeping in touch in early courtship?

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Dear Rhythm and Timing,

Great question. The answer is obvious, but hard to face. If a guy were interested he would call — NOT TEXT — regularly in early courtship in order to make plans to see you as often as possible. A guy who texts you sporadically is simply trying to keep you hooked for when he’s bored or lonely. I know that stings. It sucks. But it’s the truth. If you don’t hear from a guy for a week or more between texts, then don’t wait for him to do it again. Tell him to stop. A guy who wants to date you will call within a couple of days of meeting you (or asking for and receiving your number on 100hookup), and will make plans with you for within the week. He will call you again to confirm the date and he will call you shortly after the date as well. Don’t confuse attention with interest.

Every day I go to the gym; there is a man there that walks on the treadmill. He has a lot of difficulty simply walking. His steps are awkward and jerky, and he has to grip the sides of the machine tightly so he doesn’t fall. Every step is obviously very painful. Though I can’t see his face, I can hear him wincing sometimes, and he always looks like he is on the verge of falling.

I recently saw this man at the local movie theater where he was taking tickets as an employee. I talked to him for a moment. He has difficulty talking as well, and is confined to a chair.

Everybody needs perspective sometimes. If this man can find the strength to get out of bed every morning and not only live through the pain, but force himself to exercise (which is probably especially painful for him), and also force himself to get a job, which may not be easy either, maybe I can not have a huge fit in my car if traffic is making my commute three minutes longer in the afternoon.

I sometimes think it’s some huge burden to have to spend an hour and a half at the gym every day, but whenever I’m exercising, and I see him, I not only gain faith in humanity, but I try not to think about my problems — the biggest problem at that moment being how much my feet hurt and how badly I want to die or at least pretend to faint and fall off my machine so that I can momentarily experience some sort of physical relief.

Then again, once I leave the gym, I completely forget about everything I just learned. I just want to get my dinner and sit in bed and feel sorry for my terrible middle-class life. The Daily Show is on reruns all week? Are you serious? I need The Daily Show to be on and be new immediately after I get out of my nightly shower. I already heard that joke! Not only that, but I knew it was coming, and I already know everything the political guest trying to maintain relevance to the younger generation is going to say! I just want to wake up and have it be next week. I can’t live like this anymore.