Extreme Profile Makeover — “Simon”

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Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. Today she’s tweaking the profile for “Simon.”

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Dear Tamar, 

I’ve been a 100hookup member for about 3 years now, made numerous changes to my profile, but nothing seems to happen.

Could you please take a look at my profile and tell me what I’m doing wrong? I have absolutely no clue.  

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Hi Simon,

PROFILE NAME
Your profile name is great — simple and straight to the point. Using your first name and pairing it with your birth year is a very easy way to create a unique profile name.

PHOTOS
Soooo…. your photos. They are so different from one to the next that I haven’t the faintest idea what you truly look like. The first one, a close-up, is sweet and the third one is great because it’s a full body shot and shows your height. I don’t know the timing of between the first and third and which is more recent but the third one makes you seem more slender and fit than any of the others. If that’s how you currently look then you need to immediately eliminate the second photo. You’re a big guy and that’s great — it’s hard to find a tall Jew! But the way you’re positioned in the second photo makes you look heavy. Now, my problem is that your face and hair look different from the first to the third photo which is why you need at the very least 2 more photos to show that your hair can be any length at any time in between haircuts. Yes, that sounds obvious, but people are making flash decisions and you don’t want anyone to question the age of your photos or the consistency of your look. Since your first and third photos are now the only two photos and both are posed, I would recommend you ask friends or family to start taking candid photos while engaged in a hobby or hanging out.

IN MY OWN WORDS
“ABOUT ME” is far longer than I prefer. You tend to be repetitive in places so I suggest reading it again and deleting any sentences which basically say the same thing you already said. I understand using different words to help get a point across, but “treating a woman right” can only be said so many times before it actually starts to come across as disingenuous. I love that you talk about the fact that you love life and mention some of the things you like to do. Specifically, I would delete the last line of the second paragraph as well as the third paragraph. Less is more in this case.

“MY LIFE AND AMBITIONS” should be a bit more detailed in the fact that you are still studying. So perhaps add: “My goal is to graduate with a degree in … and then find a well-paying job in a career path I am passionate about all the while having a loving woman and family by my side.” This way, finding a job doesn’t sound like you’re unemployed but rather still in school, which is the truth.

I’ll be very blunt with you, “MY IDEAL RELATIONSHIP” is cheesy. I know that you are a romantic guy and that you are just being yourself and trying to express your sweet side, but it’s just not coming across the way you might think in this answer. You’ve already been very clear about how you respect women and treat them as such. You need to find a way to explain yourself in a less expected way. Here’s an idea: “My perfect relationship  is one in which we laugh a lot and, when we fight (because all couples fight at some point), we go back to laughing as soon as possible. I’m an affectionate guy and want a woman who shares that characteristic and whose hand I’ll still be holding when we’re old and wrinkled.” See how that got your statement across in a more genuine way?

DETAILS
I would delete the following: your weight (being honest in your “body style” is enough of an answer) and annual income (you are in college and say so, that’s plenty explanation as to the fact that you probably have an income lower than that of a typical person with a college degree working a full-time job). I would edit the following: age range should only be a minimum of 21 since you are in your mid-twenties and you should tighten the reigns on other items in “IDEAL MATCH” as it seems as though you selected everything under marital status/religion/education/smoking/drinking. I know you want to see who is out there and to spread as wide a net as possible, but are you honestly ready to marry a widowed, Hassidic, smoker who frequently drinks and only has an elementary level education? Doubtful.

Finally, double check your paragraphs as I saw a few typos here and there (a misuse of a semi-colon under “I’M LOOKING FOR…” and a lack of end-quotes under “YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY MESSAGE ME IF YOU…” both of which are quite distracting. Other than that, I think with the changes you will see things start to happen!