Extreme Profile Makeover — “Mara S.”
by Tamar Caspi
under Relationships
Get an Extreme Profile Makeover
Tamar Caspi Shnall is giving online profile makeovers. This week she’s tweaking the profile for “Mara S.”
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Hi Mara S.,
You have a complete profile which is very helpful when tweaking! I’m not in love with your profile name, although it has your name in it there’s no excitement or originality to catch a prospect’s eye. Starting off with your name is great but try to think of another word to attach to it to make it stand out and describe you better.
I like your profile picture and the subsequent full body photo, but I would much prefer they be two different photos rather than the profile pic just being a close-up crop of the full body. Keep it as your full body pic and use it as your profile pic until you take another really good close-up. I do like the other 5 photos as they show a consistency in your look, your fun personality and your family. Try to find a fancier, sexier top to wear for your close-up as there’s a lack of skin in your photos. Not saying you should put the goods on display, but a hint of sex appeal is necessary.
As for your “About Me” I think it’s way too long. I like what you say, but there’s just too much. I would keep it to the first two paragraphs and leave the last chunks of info for email correspondence or first date conversation. I’m glad you address your family situation and state that you are not looking for a replacement father for your sons or for financial support for your family. You are simply answering concerns which you know are out there when you’re a single mom.
All the other paragraphs are great up until “I’m Looking for” and “My Ideal Relationship” which again I think are a bit on the long side. There are also a few typos which I recommend fixing because each time I read through your paragraphs the typos made me stop for a second to figure out what was wrong with the spelling. I really love your “My Past Relationships” line though, short and sweet but most of all, honest.
Your age range is great and there’s nothing else in “Your Details/Ideal Match” that stands out except for the lack of response in the category of if a man “Wants Kids.” I understand why you didn’t answer it, but since everything else is addressed, this stands out even more.
I think your profile is pretty close to complete, just a few tweaks here and there, particularly having less of an essay and adding a sexy photo. Good luck!
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