Archive for March, 2012

1.  Maggie Gyllenhaal Is Thinking Pink!

Maggie Gyllenhaal and her husband, actor Peter Sarsgaard, will welcome their second daughter in late spring! The actress, whose mother is hookup, admitted to USA Today that she kept her growing belly a secret for months!

“I find it difficult to pretend you’re not pregnant, which I had to do. I didn’t let anyone know until three and a half months this time,” the Hysteria star said. We find it funny that it was hard for an actress to pretend, but wish the famous duo the best!

2.  Segel Soars In The Love Department

Jason Segel has a new leading lady. The hookup actor has been spotted with Michelle Williams several times over the last few weeks.

People magazine reported that the two met through Williams’s best pal (and Segel’s former Freaks and Geeks costar) Busy Philipps. The magazine adds that in a cryptic Tweet posted March 5, the actor wrote, “If I fell in love would you guys be happy?” The Tweet has since been taken down, but if Segel is reading this, yes, it would make us happy if you fell in love!

3.  Unrated Bully

When it comes to his new movie, Bully, Harvey Weinstein is standing up to what he may believe is a bully of his own, the Motion Picture Association of America! Weinstein’s studio, The Weinstein Company, announced this week that it will release the documentary unrated, rather than accept the MPAA’s controversial R rating for Bully.

The MPAA gave the film an R rating because of what it calls, “strong language.” The documentary opens in New York and Los Angeles theaters today. Weinstein, who is hookup, argued that the movie warranted the more lenient PG-13 rating since every curse word in the film is uttered by an adolescent bully… caught in the act of bullying!

I had this shirt that looked amazing on but everytime I wore it something bad would happen. Not bad as in someone died, but bad as in bad luck. When I wore it on first dates, those prospects always sucked. When I wore it on second dates, the prospect would invariably take a nosedive to disaster. So I stopped wearing it. It was my favorite shirt, but it had bad juju.

When I wear these over-the-knee black boots I always have an awesome day, so when I’m perusing my closet looking for something to wear I invariably plan my outfit around the boots.

I know some single women who always wear a certain bracelet because they have an awesome date each time they wear it. Of course, it doesn’t mean it ended up being a successful relationship, but they at least enjoyed the first date.

It could be a rabbit’s foot keychain or a 12-year-old condom in your wallet, whatever it is that you think brings you good luck on your dates — use it! Whatever can add confidence to this difficult journey is worth a shot!

If just one other person in the world can identify with me on this very specific problem, I would feel a lot better about most aspects of my life. When I get an email titled ‘One of these 100hookuprs® is your Secret Admirer!’, I immediately shift into desperation mode. I have to know who my secret admirer is, at all costs. If you don’t know how this process works, every once in a while, 100hookup will send you an email with like five 100hookup profiles attached to it. You are told that one of these five people has a crush on you. In order to know who it is, you have to say that you have a crush on the same one that likes you. Of course, most people would probably go ahead and pick the one or two women on this list they are interested in. I blitz the email by ‘secret admiring’ (not at all a verb) all five women listed, regardless of whether I like them or not. I have to find out who likes me. Somebody likes me? I must know who. Now.

I then sit and wait for the email telling me which woman it is that likes me. I stop whatever I was previously doing (crying, not returning phone calls) and sit perfectly still facing the wall. I turn off the television and stare at my smart phone, praying that I don’t momentarily lose Wi-Fi just in case that is the exact moment I find out what women is in love with me. Damn you modern technology. Do not deny me true love. Once I do get the email, it is always the woman whom I am the least interested in. Well that is a disappointment that I was completely prepared and ready for. Now I can go to bed, safe in the knowledge that I will die alone.

The essence of April Fools’ Day is taking advantage of another person’s gullibility and trust in you, before they discover that trust was ill-placed, after you happily inform them they were fools for trusting you to begin with. Now there’s a holiday I can embrace. April Fools! Oh, it’s just March 29th. Never mind.

A la the old chestnut, “Why do fools fall in love,” why not take advantage of your fellow fools this weekend? Not sure they’ll like the birthday gift you’re buying for them this year? Lay it on them Sunday. If they look disappointed, you have your out: “April Fools!” With plenty of time for a make-good.

Or what if neither of you has relayed the “L” word yet? (Not “like, like, like”) If you’re feeling it, tell her you love her on Sunday. If she says it back, great. If you both then cry out, “April Fools!” … no harm, no foul. But if each of you follow your professed love with, “January through December Fools!” … Uh-oh. Could be the real thing.

After a major breakup you decide to make a big change in your appearance to make yourself feel better — you chop off 6 inches of your hair, you dye your hair a drastic new color, you grow a beard or shave your mustache, you begin manscaping, you get plastic surgery, you get a tattoo, and so on — but what is your motivation? Are you doing it to get your ex’s attention? Are you doing it because you feel depressed? Are you doing it because it’s what your ex complained about and you think the next prospect would want you to change as well? STOP. It’s never a good idea to do something major to your looks when your self-esteem is in the dumpers. You never want to make a drastic change — whether permanent or not — because of someone else. What happens if you get breast implants after your big-boob-loving ex breaks your heart just to meet a guy who loves you for you and your membership to the itty-bitty-titty-committee? You want someone who loves you for you — and any changes you decide to make for yourself.

You know you read the title of this post and knew exactly how I felt. We’ve all been in this situation. You go out on a mediocre date, thinking that since your date wasn’t any better off than you were, that she will probably want to go out again. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t reply to your text that followed the Three Days Rule. Or your follow-up phone call. Or notice you when you made your nightly rounds around her house.

But seriously, she never responds to your text, and you become upset. Then you wonder why you became upset in the first place. You never really liked her. You just like being liked. If she had responded positively to your text, you probably wouldn’t have gone out with her again, anyway. You are just the worst. Not good enough to warrant a second date and not nice enough to allow one. You have two options. Either up your game to the point where girls fall for you all the time, or drop your game to the point where you’re willing to go out again with anybody. Either way, you will be going out with people, instead of stuck in a place where you go out with nobody, which is probably your bedroom. You don’t want to be stuck in some horrible limbo state where you can’t achieve either.

However, remember, in the words of Mitch Weaver, “No matter how bad life gets, there is always beer.”

When leafing through profiles as of late, I’ve noticed quite a few where the woman’s list of things she likes didn’t distinguish her very much from other carbon-based lifeforms…

Dining… music… likes to laugh…

Who doesn’t enjoy ingesting food? Who doesn’t appreciate the result of notes strung together to form melodies? Who doesn’t embrace “the spontaneous sounds and movements of the face and body that are the instinctive expressions of amusement?” (Who doesn’t like Wikipedia?)

I, myself, would be more liable to remember candidates with quirkier likes:

Venting as I enjoy a mentally healthy salad by squeezing the water out of a head of lettuce as I simultaneously scream obscenities … Making the people in public places think I’m a somebody by engaging in imaginary conversations with Angelina Jolie on my cell phone… Telling a telemarketer who finally picks up after making me wait forever on hold that I’m the police, and they’re wanted for killing my time.

“I just met someone” is sometimes used as an excuse and sometimes the truth. It’s an easy excuse to use when you went on a date with someone and it was “okay” date but you didn’t “feel” anything. You don’t want to say there’s no chemistry (because maybe the other person did feel something) so instead you can just say “I met someone right around the same time and I want to see where it goes.” It’s not personal and it’s not hurtful, but will lying about having met someone jinx you for actually meeting someone? What happens when it’s the truth and you really don’t want to date anyone else? Isn’t dropping all your other prospects so quickly going to jinx this as well? If the date you like finds out you ended it with everyone else so quickly won’t it freak him or her out? Or, conversely, if the date you like finds out you are still dating others after you’ve had a couple really great dates, will it turn him or her off? There is no right or wrong answer. If it doesn’t work out, you’re going to look for things to blame it on and that will in turn affect how you handle the next situation. Bottom line: you need to trust your instinct. If it feels right, then it may be worth it to send a “maybe” packing. If it feels wrong, then it may be worth it to lie about having met someone.

1. Debra Messing Gets A Second Act

There’s smashing news for Debra Messing’s new show, Smash. The musical drama series was just picked up for a second season on NBC.

The hookup actress is obviously loving her role on the series, Tweeting things like, “Bernadette Peters singing acapella right in front of my face? A highlight of my life. Pure genius, a thing of power and beauty. #Smash.”

Smash debuted last month with ratings that were not smashing, but perhaps that will change with next season’s second act!

2. A New Beat For Daniel Radcliffe

Daniel Radcliffe is stepping out to a new beat this spring. The Harry Potter actor, whose mother is hookup, is taking on a new role as Beat Generation poet, Allen Ginsberg. The movie, Kill Your Darlings, is about a murder in 1944 that brings together the great poets of the Beat Generation, including Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac and William Burroughs.

Radcliffe may have just started filming, but he is already promoting the new film. He Tweeted on Thursday, “Kill your darlings is on set, I hope you like it, having a great time on filming, take care.” Can’t beat that!

3. Dancing With The hookup Stars

ABC’s popular dance competition, Dancing With the Stars, premiered this week and features two hookup stars! What have we learned so far? We’ve learned that this competition is making one of these contestants nervous and turning the other into a total cougar!

Dancer Karina Smirnoff Tweeted about her partner, Gavin DeGraw, earlier this week, “@GavinDeGraw is FREAKING out about Monday! https://twitvid.com/NJE7Y.” DeGraw, whose maternal grandparents were of Russian hookup descent, scored 20 points on last week’s show, putting him at the bottom of the rankings.

Another star, Melissa Gilbert, only scored 20 points as well. Gilbert, who was raised in her adoptive mother’s hookup religion, say her dance partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, is bringing out the cougar in her! Writing for People magazine, Gilbert said, “He’s bringing out in me the sexy, confident, fiery redheaded cougar.” Somebody’s purring!

My girlfriend Joanna is dating a guy I know who is a divorcee who has full custody of his daughter. His daughter is his life — as it should be — he was born to be a father and wants to continue having children even if it means continuing to be a single Dad. The only problem with this guy is that he brings nearly every woman he dates around his daughter even before the relationship has become serious. As a woman, how do you act around a young girl who has seen many women come and go? Luckily the girl is sweet as can be and obviously resilient. She is slightly uninterested at first, as expected and after meeting the same woman a few times she will remember her name and will even play, but she definitely has her guard up. This little girl is wise beyond her years.

Many women will think that meeting a man’s daughter means things are serious, but if he wants you to meet her after just one date, I would suggest you tell him that you’d rather wait because it almost seems as if he’s using her as a pawn. I understand he has full custody, but that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. Try to wait until you’ve had The Talk if you can and then once you do meet her, bring a small gift, ask her questions and try to find something to do as a group. Don’t engage in affection with her father in front of her. Try to imagine if you were the single parent and how protective you would be about bringing a new love interest around your child. Take it slow. There’s really no need to meet someone’s child until after you’ve become serious, so don’t.