The Double Standard
by Adam
under Relationships
“Chivalry is dead.”
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that statement from women, discussing their break-ups, a bad date they had, or how every male they meet makes fun of the WNBA.
That statement is usually followed up with “He didn’t call” or “I thought we had a great time, but he doesn’t answer my texts,” or “he didn’t friend me on Facebook.” These complaints are completely understandable, as bad date or not, every male should follow up with “Hey, I had a great time” or “Hey, you’re an awesome person, and I’d love to be friends,” or something similar to not keep a girl waiting in her quest for Prince Charming.
Why is it then that girls always get a pass in disregarding these type of interactions?
A buddy of mine, I’ll call him Cutler due to his Chicago roots, went out for drinks with a girl who contacted him on another site. Now, what was interesting about said girl was when they were deciding a time to meet me, the girl sent Cutler several messages saying “Hey, if at all possible let’s do it tonight” and quickly gave him her phone number without being prompted by my friend. Not necessarily a red flag, but definitely a call for question.
Fast forward two days later. My chivalrous friend tells me he ended up talking for two hours to this girl, and was hopeful in planning date number 2, as the girl had also indicated to him via text that night that she enjoyed his company.
So why then, when Cutler called, saying what a good time he had and his interest in another date, did she not call back? Why would she give her number so quickly, look for a meeting time as early as possible, and then go silent once it was time to take the step? Did she have a boyfriend, who probably doesn’t know she’s on a dating site? Or is she just an immature 27-year-old girl (real women would be courteous with follow-ups) who is trying to get as many drinks bought for her as possible, while misleading every guy she dates until she finds the lawyer/doctor/banker/politician stereotype that all hookup mothers secretly desire for their daughters?
Women, dating goes both ways. So does karma. Even if you had no possible connection, every guy is still worth a rejection text message to let him off the hook. You never know when “playing the field” will come back to bite you.
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November 5th, 2012 at 11:49 am
I went out with a guy once and I didn’t think we had chemistry. Ordinarily I would have just ignored him but for some reason (and it wasn’t his winning personality) I just wanted to be upfront and honest. I consulted a male friend and asked how he would want to be let down politely. The friend suggested I tell the guy that I didn’t think there was chemistry and I wanted to be honest and not waste his time. The guy’s response was off the charts insane. I had to file a complaint with the website and actually feared he would make an effort to find out where I live or try to get my phone number. He also threatened to tell “warn” the website community about me. ( Note that it wasn’t a dinner date. At most, the guy probably bought me a $5 beer.)
When something like that happens, it sets a precedent going forward. I think I would rather not let a guy know what I’m thinking if what i’m thinking is “we have no chemistry” than risk a verbal assault just because I’m not interested. I know you can’t punish everyone for the sins of just one person — but women have different concerns when it comes to men and dating.