McStranded
by JeremySpoke
under Single Life
When on a strict diet, there are a lot of temptations. Hell, even when off a strict diet, there are a lot of temptations. There are places and foods throughout the day that you begrudgingly have to avoid so that you will eventually have a desirable body even though by the time you eventually get to that point, you’re so frustrated and angry with your life that though your body has become desirable, the rest of you has not.
However, the absolute worst place where you could be stranded, while on a strict diet, is unquestionably McDonalds®. This is true across all cultures and countries. If your car isn’t in good working condition and you’re in the middle of nowhere, and the only place in sight is a McDonalds®, go as fast as you can in any other direction.
Yesterday, while driving to Houston from Austin, my car died. A cop picked me up and took me to the nearest city. I said he could drop me off at the McDonalds® there without really thinking about it. When I walked in, the smell was so familiar, it was like I hadn’t missed a step since I’d been in one over a year ago. Like a pre-programmed robot, I walked to the line, knowing exactly what I was going to get: a number one with no cheese and a chocolate shake. When I got to the front of the line, the guy behind the counter looked at me like he must look at every customer. His facial expressions seemed to say something like, “I have to be here, but you don’t. Why would you come here?” I hung my head in shame and mumbled my order and held out my money while trying not to make any eye contact. When I handed him the money, he could have well said, “I know, bro. I know.”
Once I got my food, I walked to the very back corner of the restaurant so nobody would see me, because I know so many people in Bastrop, TX. I sat by the restroom, which was obviously a bad idea because every time someone opened the door, it smelled like, well, a restroom. Actually, in a weird way, the restroom smell blended well with the smell of the food and kind of made the smell better.
Before I left, a cute girl walked in, but I was unable to impress her because I was drowning in McDonalds® food and sitting by myself in a corner by a restroom. However, she was also at McDonalds®, and I failed to think of this at the time. I could have started a whole new life in Bastrop. Instead, I’m back in Houston, eating food outside of bathrooms.
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