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Feb 7

Workouts in Hell

by JeremySpoke under Single Life

Sometimes I am so unmotivated to write anything that I decide to think of a nonsensical title, and then write the post based on the title alone. Here, ‘alone’ refers to the fact that I am going to write this by myself, without a girl, or anybody, by my side.

Literally, this title refers to the fact that when I got to the gym today, my stomach hurt so badly that, once on the elliptical machine, I could actually feel my stomach breaking up into little pieces. I had to get off so I could run to the bathroom to vomit, but not before making sure that everybody in the gym noticed me running.

Figuratively, I guess this title could be used for a post about my longtime overdue reunion with my ex-girlfriend once we’re both dead and fall short of heaven because of both my religion and the fact that she is a terrible person. This, of course, sounds good initially because of the long period that I wanted her back that lasted from puberty to about now. But this is hell, and nothing here is what it seems. In hell, I will be forced to re-live that one time, while dating her, that I found a then-recent photo of her with her arm around another man. Then, she will desperately try to explain to me that that was her cousin, but not before I realize that she doesn’t have a cousin because her parents are both only children. I better live forever.

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