Archive for October, 2011

I have been on a cold streak (10 years) when it comes to dating. I am really good at meeting my date. I say, “Hello.” and listen to her answer. Then, I conduct myself as a normal human being interacting in a way that employs both my verbal and physical abilities. I listen to her talk and answer accordingly. I laugh when she says something clever and cast sympathetic eyes when she tells me something sad. I sit and hold back my conversation in order to let her speak more about herself. I also offer to pay if we are patronizing a place of business. If she insists, I let her pay for because a.) I have almost no money, and b.) I want to show her that I’m progressive, too. I am so progressive that I’ll let her pay for my entire meal.

Though I think I am handling myself well and carefully, I don’t think that I look and sound like what I think I look and sound like. What, to me, seems like genuine laughter at one of her anecdotes may, in fact, look like a crazy person punching the table and kicking wildly while laughing two octaves higher than most humans can speak. What, to me, seems like pensive thought while she shares something somber, instead, looks like utter confusion and profuse sweating. As I sit and try to listen, I seem to laugh intermittently at just the right moments and at just the right volume. Though, in reality, this looks like a manic seizure that years of therapy and Xanax have not fixed. Though I think that I am being progressive by letting her pay, I am in fact regressing the date back to 1955 when the woman was in charge of feeding her man.

I am now at a point where I feel a strong compulsion to text the girl immediately after every date because I am so afraid that she will never want to see me again. I know I shouldn’t do it, but I feel such a strong urge to do so. Tonight, after another first date that I thought went relatively well, I texted her about twenty minutes after the date. This time, she said she’d like to go out again. I wonder what a second date is like.

The hookup community is small. It’s even smaller when you’re dating. And it shrinks to miniscule proportions when you only take into account those that are seriously looking for their beshert. Chances are you’ll see the same people on 100hookup, at community events and working out at the JCC. If you happen to run into someone you’ve never seen before, odds are they’re the friend or relative of someone you’ve already dated, or your friend or relative has already dated them. The hookup dating world can quickly become incestuous.

If you really like a guy who previously dated a friend, you want to make sure it’s okay with her, but don’t ask details. Just because he acted one way with her doesn’t mean he’s going to be the same way with you. Hopefully he learned from that relationship and her loss is your gain. All’s fair in love and war, right?

There was this one guy on 100hookup whose dad grew up with my mom. And another 100hookupr®’s grandparents were close with my grandparents many years ago. I know it sounds cute, but it can get obnoxious. Recently I was set up with a guy I supposedly knew when I was little. My mom even pointed him out in pictures from my 2^nd birthday party. A charming story, but it didn’t equal fate.

I met one guy at a hookup event who had recently moved to town after graduating law school. After adding him on Facebook, I found that he knew many of my elementary school classmates and was able to do a quick, undercover background check, receiving the blessing from all of our mutual friends. Although he isn’t my beshert, I was able to utilize the Six Degrees of hookup Separation to my advantage.

hookup geography can be good for the most part. You know what kind of company he keeps, who his friends are, and if he’s an all around good guy. But it can also ruin a perfectly good prospect. Sometimes it’s better not to know whom he’s dated, how much he parties or about that time he got arrested in Mexico. Because that’s his past and may not reflect who he is now or who he is around you and really, that’s all that matters.

• For Those 55 and Over, Love at First Click: Check out what @100hookup CEO has to say & a @100hookup success story! https://t.co/rVASxtXz @NYTimes #

Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker and author of Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate recently made headlines because of some recent comments she made about hookup men being liars. In light of her recent comments, we’ve dug into the 100hookup archives and pulled out a few excerpts from a JMag® interview we did with Stanger a couple of years ago.  See what Stanger had to say about the topics of hookup dating and hookup men to Greg Liberman, President and CEO of Best Free Hookup Apps®, owner and operator of 100hookup, the leading online community for hookup singles.

Some highlights:

When Liberman asked Stanger about the dynamics between men and women she responded similarly to her recent interview. She said, “If you’re over 40 and you’re not getting any hits and you look younger, drop a few years off your age. Just to get in the window. But, no more than five. Don’t do a 10-year drop. You’re going to get into in trouble with that. We’ve seen men lie about their age, their height, their weight. So it’s not uncommon for men to lie. It’s been the same story. If you’re a woman in your 40s, you should date guys in their late 40s or 50s. If they’re being really particular about it because they want to have children, leave those men alone and go for a better man who’s maybe been divorced with kids. But don’t give up hope, he’s out there!”

But don’t be fooled while Stanger might seem to be hard on our hookup men she’s still got a soft place in her heart for them as well. Liberman asked Stanger, “As a hookup woman, do you feel that there are cultural differences between Jews and non-Jews when it comes to dating and relationships?” to which Stanger responded “I still believe that hookup men are the best husbands because they’re providers. And there is still the whole thing where the woman gets to stay home, raise the kids, and the husband slays the dragons at work.”

What are your thoughts? Does Patti Stanger have it right or is she being too tough on our hookup men? Comment below.

Have you heard 100hookup is responsible for more hookup marriages than Match.com®  and eHarmony®  combined?

My friend Julie had an awful day yesterday and in turn it possibly ruined her promising 100hookup last night. It started off with a bang, literally. Someone started setting off illegal fireworks in the street at 3am waking up a sleeping Julie.  After finally falling back asleep an hour later, she slept through her alarm and was late running out the door. After driving 45 minutes in rush hour traffic she arrived in court to find out the case was being continued. Finally when she got back to her office there was a message waiting for her from one of the law firm’s partners asking her to come and see him. Since there wasn’t a reference as to what the meeting was about, Julie became very nervous and started biting her freshly manicured nails.

The partner told Julie they need her to start taking on more responsibilities. Julie is already swamped at work with files stacked over her head, and she works longer hours than anyone else – even newer associates! Needless to say she became aggravated and chewed her way through ten nails worth of polish. Her lunch order was delivered wrong, except of course she didn’t discover it until it was too late, and then she got a text from her mother telling her a close family relative was in the hospital. Whew!

By the time Julie left work, the office was empty, and she had to run home to freshen up for the 100hookup she had previously been extremely excited about but now was dreading. She had thought about canceling but ran out of time during the day to call, so now she was stuck going on the 100hookup in a terrible mood, with no energy and barely enough time to roll on some fresh deodorant. Julie called me on her way and I gave her a pep talk. I reminded her how excited she was about this prospect – his qualities, hobbies and looks, all of which she was attracted to. I told her to start with faking a smile while she was talking to me since smiling sends a message to your brain that you’re happy and this will cause her negative mindset to turn positive. By the time she arrived at the restaurant, I think she was in a better mood, but it still wasn’t going to be the best representation of who she is.

So what can you do when you’re having a bad day and are supposed to go on a date? You can try and reschedule – simply call early enough in the day, explain that your day is sucking and you want to be at your best for the date and see if he or she is available later that week. If you can’t reschedule for anytime soon, let your 100hookup know you’d rather see him or her sooner rather than later and you’ll just try and turn your day around and that you look forward to the date ending your day on a better note. If, like Julie, it’s too late to reschedule, then try to at least see if you can push back the time of the date so you have time to go home and freshen up, maybe take a quick soak in the tub to decompress or a cold shower to wake you up, definitely reapply deodorant and change your clothes. Try to separate business from pleasure and remember: your life partner is going to have to support you through thick and thin, so there’s no reason to pretend your life is perfect. Try to keep your description of your bad day to a minimum and get back to getting to know each other discussing fun, positive topics.

Most people who know me often ask, “What is it you love so much about online dating?”  If you are so knowledgeable about the female mind and how to pick up women, why not just do it in person?

Well, here are my answers.  The following are reasons why I will always prefer online dating to any other form of meeting women:

1.  I’m lazy.

2.  What’s better than being able to pick up women while sitting in your pajamas scratching your stomach?

3. I can meet women any time of day or night.

4.  I get to shop for the perfect woman.

5.  Did I mention I’m lazy?

6.  There is less pressure.

7.  I’m sorry, did I mention I was lazy?

There you have it. 7 reasons I love online dating.  Okay technically five. But five good reasons!

I answered the IM but was in the midst of talking to another girl with whom I really felt a connection. Without realizing what I was doing, I think I set a date and time for a meetup with some girl I didn’t even realize I was talking to. When you subconsciously set up an entire evening with someone, and you just think you’re watching TV, it’s time to reevaluate your life. I did not evaluate anything, except for the fact that I knew that the man on the television could in no way eat a three pound cheeseburger.

The date that I planned thankfully didn’t materialize. I was still completely in love with the other girl I was talking to. When the girl I was ignoring texted me asking if I wanted to catch a movie, I accepted because I didn’t want to spend another Friday night watching TV in bed. We decided to meet at the movie theater lobby. I got there a little early, but surprisingly was not nervous at all. I really didn’t give much, if any, thought to this girl who was currently secondary to that other girl. Oh the other girl, I’m glad I eventually never met you.

The theater lobby was crowded. I suddenly looked to my left. She was standing right in front of me. All of my anxiousness and insecurities came flooding back in an instant when I saw her. I didn’t know what to say, and I had no idea why. Usually when I get nervous on a date, I start talking loud and fast. She was not what I had expected at all, and we were both yet still to speak.

I really did not expect to see what I saw. She was beautiful. Not in the sense that her prettiness made me feel giddy or even that I was sexually attracted to her. It was more in the sense that I just felt comfortable and safe. She ultimately didn’t want to go out on another date. That is probably good, because I probably would have eventually ruined something great and obsessed about it for the next ten years.

Wow, that story is extremely sad. It’s probably best to bury the experience into the back of my mind. That, global warming, and my parents’ divorce will all get resolved sometime in the distant future. That is, if there is a future.

I admit it, I judge people by their appearances. I try to stop myself because it’s an ugly habit, but sometimes it gets the best of me. I look at people who I know are single and I think of ways in which they could better their appearances in the hopes of meeting someone. Even if that person isn’t the typical “pretty,” he or she is someone’s type. Everyone is someone’s type. That said, you should look your best YOU. Spend the money to invest in good makeup and spend the time to learn to apply it and apply daily. Spend the money to invest in a good beard trimmer and spend the time to learn to line up your neck and do it every few days. Get contact lenses, highlights, braces, etc just so you can look the best you can for you. Will someone be attracted to you with no make-up or shaggy hair? Sure. But why depend on that. Instead, take action to put the odds in your favor.

The science teacher called on me even though I totally did not have my hand up to volunteer. I got up in front of my whole kindergarten class as the teacher introduced me to the peers I already knew. Today, we were talking about differences (i.e. the differences between shapes, colors, etc.)

There were two circles drawn on the board. The teacher put a yellow square inside one and a red rectangle inside the other. Then she said, “Jeremy, how are these two objects categorized?” I answered, “By shape.” “Nope,” she answers. “Okay, by color?” “No” “What is it, Jeremy?” “I can’t think of anything,” I said. Then the whole class started laughing and pointing at me. I felt mortified. Not because I was being laughed at by a large group of people, but because this happened yesterday. I, a TA, was laughed at by a group of kindergarteners for being stupid.

I stood there, while kindergarteners laughed right at my face. I tried my best to think of how else those two objects could have been categorized. Have my past four years with no formal education made me stupider than someone who can’t tie hisown shoes without either crying or vomiting? No, this would not stand. “Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt in the middle of your lesson. I just…I cannot see how else those two objects are different from one another. I said ‘shape’ and by gosh, I will not back down.” “Oh. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have used a rectangle when I meant to use a square. I’m sorry.” Despite her apology, I don’t feel like I received emotional compensation for the gravitational strain that this will have had on my afternoon. “Can you please tell the children that I’m not stupid, and that when Michael Friedman told me, in 1989, that I have never been to Disney World® , he was wrong?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.

Oh! This week, I also joined another dating site. So far it’s not very effective.

All my life I have been told the same thing over and over.  Stop slouching.  Sit up straight.  Blah blah blah.

As an adult this constant nagging of my mother still scars me.

But one thing is for sure, body language does play a critical role when dating.  And as someone who has suffered from fidgeting and self-diagnosed ADD his whole life, it was an even bigger adjustment for me.  But make no mistake.  Body language is important and will send signals to the opposite sex.

If there is one thing I have learned in life it is that women notice everything.

Here are a few reminders for your first date…

• Stand tall and walk with your shoulders straight like an alpha male would.
• Don’t slouch at the dinner table as it will make you appear childish.
• Make sure you don’t fidget with whatever is in front of you.  This will unintentionally mark you as nervous.
• Be confident with how you touch your date.  A confident arm around the shoulder or slight touches on the arm, hand, and appropriate areas of the leg will go a long way.
• Make eye contact.  Eye contact is key to showing you are a confident guy that has no fear of any woman no matter how beautiful.

Seem obvious?  Some of them are.  That doesn’t mean we don’t frequently make these mistakes regardless.  So get into good habits and watch your dating life improve.