Archive for September, 2011

I am currently on a diet, and just recently hit the benchmark of sixty pounds. Is that a benchmark? I don’t know, because I’ve never lost any amount of weight ever before. People say that weight loss often accompanies more energy and less depression. I have experienced neither so far. I am just as sluggish and sad as ever.

The other night, I had to walk up and down a set of stairs twice, and was completely winded by the time I got up the second time. The all too familiar scent of watered-down over-perspiration from years of malnutrition and the body akin to an out-of-shape werewolf came back to me like I was obese all over again. I had flashbacks of horrible dates and Big Macs® which came flooding back in an instant, and I instinctively got in my car and drove to the neighborhood McDonald’s®. I was halfway through the drive-thru when reality kicked in and my sweat-induced hallucination came to a very quick stop as I crashed into the car ahead of me.

Now, not only will my insurance premiums go up, but either one of my parents or one of my siblings will have to know that I was at a McDonald’s®. It is a very good thing that none of this actually happened (after losing 60 pounds) and I just made it up because my life is empty.

In a related story, I am about to go to a wedding this weekend where I will be reunited with a very nice girl that didn’t want more than one date with me after I ruined it by being myself. She is in charge of the food at this wedding, and it’s kind of a coincidence and it might be glorious.

Every time I discuss meeting girls online for first or second dates I always discuss the importance of doing something fun.

As many of you know by now, I always encourage a first date to be fun, unique, and entertaining.  On top of this, to fit in games whenever possible.

Women not only love games, but they provide a nice opportunity to flirt.

For this reason I suggest investing in a Nintendo® Wii or an Xbox® Kinect.  To this day I have never met a women who does not smile every time you bring these gaming systems up. 

You will not only have fun with your date, but they also provide you with a great excuse to invite your date upstairs to “hang out” for a little bit longer.  For most men, inviting a date upstairs can be awkward.  It is strange bringing a date inside, only to have nothing to do.

Having one of these systems gives you a reason every time.

Dear Tamar,

I’m intimidated by men who seem to want everything in one person. They want a woman who is: compassionate, caring, a gourmet cook, active in hiking, scuba diving, in-line roller skating and other activities that I have never done. Superwoman doesn’t exist, or didn’t they get the memo? How am I supposed to measure up?

Dear Superwoman Without a Cape,

My friends and I like to joke that men are looking for a hookup girl who is a supermodel with straight blonde hair, blue eyes, none of the curves that we’re known for having and, oh yeah, she should surf. Aside from Bar Refaeli, that woman does not exist. At least your list is about personality and hobbies, and not just about looks! Really though, I think that men, like women, have a list a mile long and hope that the person they fall in love with will encompass most of those traits, but you can’t wait for someone to come along who fulfills all of them. I admit that I had a list and yes, my husband meets many of my criteria and because of that I was able and willing to compromise, or give up, on the items he didn’t meet. That sounds harsh, but it’s not.

Instead of focusing on the things you don’t do, mention the traits you do bring to the table and be willing to try the hobbies that a prospect may have that you don’t and on the same hand see if a prospect would like you to teach him or her your hobby.

I also think sometimes people like to make themselves seem much more interesting than they really are due to insecurities. Maybe they snowboarded or kayaked one time, so they list it as something they enjoy doing. Don’t focus on these lists so intently, just see if there’s some kind of connection and go from there.

Dear Tamar,

HI!  I am new to 100hookup – I have been a member for about 6 weeks and I am not getting much response.  I do not know what is wrong, and I assume it is something in my profile.  I cannot get any positive feedback from anyone online and do not know who else to ask. Any advice you could offer would be appreciated.

Dear New Member Needs,

Thanks for providing your screen name so I can check out your profile and give you feedback. I’m going to start with the photos. The first one is great! Bravo on that! The second is just a close-up of the sixth photo, which I think is better because it shows your body type which is important, so eliminate the 2nd photo. The 3rd and 4th are cute but the 5th is questionable. I know it’s you and your Mom, whom you talk about in your profile, but it’s obvious that it’s dated and to be honest it’s difficult to garner much from it because of the distance.

Regarding your About Me paragraph I would leave out the part about your Mom and save that for when you’re actually on the date. I know it must have been a difficult part of your life, but it’s a downer. This line: “Another is cooking. I have been told I am quite good at it…” should be changed to: “Another passion is cooking. I’ve been told I’m quite the chef and look forward to proving it to you.”

I like what you said in My Ideal Relationship and My Past Relationships. My Perfect First Date is fine, but I would edit I’m Looking For from: “Well-educated man, money is not important, intelligence and education are – once an educator always an educator. A very close second is a man who is faithful. Honesty is a must. Funny is always enjoyable. A man who likes to have fun!” to something along the lines of: “a well-educated man who is also intelligent (two different things). Money isn’t important. Honesty is. I’m looking for a faithful man who can make me laugh and likes to have fun!”

I like that you’re open to all marital statuses, but I would extend your age range. You’re willing to go 10 years younger but only 5 years older? Why not 10 years on each side then? Can’t hurt, right?

Once you’re done editing, add two new photos to replace the ones you’re eliminating. Take new ones this weekend (have a friend snap away, get different angles including full body) and start doing some Flirting. Write me in a few weeks and let me know how it’s going!

My first date occurred in 1998. It happened, relevantly, at the local JCC. There was some sort of social thing for kids, and we must have hit it off. Of course, we must have hit it off in a very 14-year-old way. I must have been the guy wearing the silkiest of all the shirts. Of course, this was 1998. 1998 I looked like Ben Affleck,not Daredevil Ben Affleck, but School Ties Ben Affleck. I would have changed teams for School Ties Ben Affleck.

After the party, we talked several times on the telephone. We decided to meet, of course, at the JCC. First, we went to the snack bar, and then had an intense hugging session in the basement. For you purists who may claim that there are no basements in Texas, this is a very odd-shaped JCC and the bottom floor was semi-underground. I’m not crazy, this date actually happened.

Our second date was at the movies. Remember, this was the movies of 1998. There were none of the modern amenities that we often take for granted today. Namely, the armrests did not lift. We made the best of a bad situation and it made for a wonderful viewing of The Apostle starring Robert Duvall. Of course, once she got to actually know me, I was headed for a lifetime of loneliness. I did not know how to extend a conversation past “Here is the basement of the JCC.” I also did not know how to interact around her friends. I think we went to the science museum once. I also vaguely remember that the boys were into cars. I had no idea about either of these topics. Sadly, she broke up with me over the phone while I talked to her from my bedroom. One day I will have a car of my own. She’ll see! They’ll all see!

So many men seeking online dating advice come to me with the same story…

They go out on a first date…

Everything seems to go absolutely perfect.

They have fun, enjoy good conversation, there is heavy flirting, some casual kisses, and even planning for a second first date that takes place..

And then NOTHING.

The girl disappears, never to be seen again.

So what on earth happened?

1.  We may not be being honest with ourselves.  But if the date resulted in kisses (Pending they weren’t over the top sexual) and plans for a second date were made, odds are that it probably is not that and the date did actually go well.

2.  The female is just flaky, plain and simple.  One of the problems that is inherit with online dating is that it creates a strive to find absolute perfection.  Women just never ever stop getting new messages.  They may have even received 20 new messages since the time your date ended, to when your first phone call was made.  Some of these women just keep dating new people no matter how good their first date was because they are always looking for something better that may not be out there.

My advice, just go with the flow and don’t start building houses with white picket fences until you are sure you found one that is ready to commit!  It may just not always be your fault!

Dear Tamar,

I do not like writing about myself. I do not like what I wrote in my profile. I am not one to blow my own horn, and therefore I get stuck when I do not know what to say about myself. Please help!

Dear Stuck On What To Say,

Unfortunately with internet dating you need to become your own PR firm. You need to get comfortable talking about your achievements, your goals, your past, your dreams, and even your faults. Ask some friends to help you by listing some of their favorite traits about you and write your profile from their point of view including the fact that you have a hard time tooting your own horn. It’s okay to be shy and humble but you want to make sure you’re not coming across as snotty or like you’re hiding something. Make sure you’re not only asking questions but answering them as well. Try to look at it this way — your date wants to get to know you just as much as you want to get to know him. And you’re not going to be interested in a guy who’s profile didn’t say much about him, so make sure you don’t make the same mistake. Just because you talk about yourself in high regard in your profile doesn’t mean you’re conceited and you can prove that once you’re on a date – but you’ve got to get the date first and you need to sell yourself in order to do that.

We all come to online dating for different reasons.   Some of us are looking for a mere hookup, others are looking to casually date, while others want relationships and more.

Whatever the reasons are, each person is entitled to use online dating for whatever purpose they wish.

However, what do you do when you are meeting lots of people, have never made any intentions to commit yet, and an important day comes up?

For example, let’s say you are dating a couple of women casually and its Valentine’s Day.

Even though you may have never made any intentions to fully commit, women you are dating will expect you to be around on this day regardless of whether or not you are exclusive yet.  They may say they don’t care, but they will.

The only way to avoid these difficulties is to get out of town!  Disappear for a day and avoid the unnecessary drama.  This will keep you from avoiding any potential bad situations and is the only solution to this dilemma.

And remember, you’re not doing anything wrong unless you made your intent to commit clear!

I have decided to implement a new rule henceforth. Here it is: Never tell a girl whom you’re on a date with that you’re a blogger for 100hookup. This rule applies pretty much only to me, as I am sure the expert bloggers are already happily married. As I ate my non-Subway^® fajitas on another date that was destined to end in sadness, I mentioned, in the smoothest way possible, that not only does 100hookup have a blog, but that I am a writer for the blog. Though reactions are usually positive, I never really thought that they may be completely fake.

Imagine hearing, while on a date, that the person you’re on a date with writes regularly about dating. The first question that should pop-up into any normal brain would fall along the lines of “Why isn’t this guy married?” The answer to that is simple: I know nothing about dating. So after I told her that I’m a 100hookup blogger, everything went downhill and climaxed in an awkward text I will have received the next day saying that she’d love to be friends with me.

So what if the guy you’re currently on a date with tells you that he’s a 100hookup blogger? Do not let him go! He is lonely and sad and needs companionship. He feels weird writing about dating while simultaneously drowning in mediocrity. He has good qualities that might take more than a date for you to realize. He was once on the cover of an international magazine! He did well on the SAT!

I actually am quite happy. I  just would like the camaraderie of a nice girl. Don’t cry for me, I recently received a free computer!

I recently heard from a friend that she saw a guy on 100hookup who she knows is married. Shocking to hear, but it’s reality. There are married people dating online and there’s no one to stop them. There’s no such thing as the morality police and it’s a shame that singles have to worry about whether someone’s being honest about their status. But singles can do their job to make sure they don’t get caught up in someone else’s drama. I’m not a supporter of internet stalking someone too soon, but if you are for any reason suspicious of their marital status, then Google them. See if you have friends in common. Ask questions about their relationship history and kids, if they have any. Finally, when you meet, look for a tanline on their left ring finger. Anyone who’s been married knows that it only takes a few months to get a tanline under your wedding ring. And if you do catch a cheater, let them know that their shenanigans are not welcome here.