Archive for May, 2011

Look good, feel good or feel good, look good? For some people looking good does make them feel good about themselves, for others they need to feel good in order to look good.

We all hear about beauty coming from the inside, and that’s all fine and dandy, but let’s be honest: When you’re single and dating you need to look good on the outside because sometimes your first impression is the only one you’re going to get. So yes, feeling good on the inside is going to emanate through and make you more attractive but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put forth some effort into looking good on the outside as well. Be the full package.

That means you need to take care of yourself. If you’re past the age of 40 and still single, or are single again after a divorce, then think about going to a spa to get some treatments. Dye your hair, get a facial, manicure and pedicure, try a facial injectible, have an aesthetician do your makeup, get a personal shopper to dress you and so on. By looking good on the outside, you’ll feel good on the inside and that will have a direct effect on your dating life. Many of these techniques will work no matter your age; just because you’re in your 20’s doesn’t mean you look as good as you could or should.

It’s not about being judgmental or superficial, it’s about being realistic. Think about that feeling you get when you walk out of a salon with a fresh haircut… now do what it takes to have that feeling all the time!

What made for your worst date ever?

•  He was the spitting image of my cousin, yikes!

sweetpeap…, 30, Single, Woman seeking a Man, Atlanta, GA

• When she told me a spirit was trying to enter her body.

Musicarus…, 25, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Silver Spring, MD

• Happened when a guy I met for drinks downed eight in two hours. I could not decide if I should stay and make sure he got home safe, report the DUI in advance or hurt the guy who set me up.

RebelSoul, 44, Divorced, Woman seeking a Man, Oxnard, CA

• …That guy who wore black knee high socks with brown open-toed sandals.

Lillers, 25, Single, Woman seeking a Man, Mount Prospect, IL

• He asked me out for a lunch date and showed up asking what I had made him for lunch. We went to a nice, but very cheap, place I picked and he divided the $22 bill by who had what. He then asked if I wanted to go to a movie. We walked back to my place where he suggested we go on a romantic weekend at his friend’s cabin… where I could cook for him. No thanks.

119043644, 45, Separated, Woman seeking a Man, Falls Church, VA

• It was a blind date set up by a friend of mine. As I was eating, my date said to me, “There’s something I think you should know: I’m married.”

General Ross, 43, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Montreal, Canada

• A guy kicked me out of his house because I didn’t want to make out! We’d gone out a few times, spread out by about three weeks, and he threw a temper tantrum (no, really!) and […]said “I will NOT be rejected in my own house!”

lisaloves…, 32, Single, Woman seeking a Man, San Rafael, CA

• I’ve only ever had one bad first date (thankfully). She literally pulled out a legal pad filled with over 60 questions, a pen and started asking (grilling) me on all 60 questions…while writing down my answers. Needless to say, I didn’t bother to ask her for a second date.

DoctorDim…, 41, Divorced, Man seeking a Woman, Greenacres, FL

• Probably when she walked in, looked around and then sat down next to some other guy and had a drink with him. I suppose I should have given him the dinner tab.

DufferJim, 62, Divorced, Man seeking a Woman, New York, NY

• I can’t trump a date with mom, but when he brings his own alcohol to save on drinks, that’s not a good sign.

Waikikihu…, 29, Single, Woman seeking a Man, San Diego, CA

• Using the date as a distraction from her tumor diagnosis the day before… I understand the reason but that was one awful date…

DelawareN…, 29, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Atlanta, GA

• 6th grade, walking in the park, with my first girlfriend. A seagull relieved itself on me as it flew by.

SalsaMensche, 25, Single, Man seeking a Woman, Vienna

In my last entry I discussed the reason behind most online rejections.  In many cases, pending that you have worked on your online dating skills and learned how to thoroughly generate interest and attraction, being “rejected” often has nothing to do with you.  It is more due to the competition and overwhelming amount of emails that these women are receiving on a daily basis.

But what happens when the lack of responses mounts and the cold streak builds higher and higher.

At times like these you must do one of two things.

a) Push through the lows.  Even the best of the best have times where they are not at the height of their game.  Call it bad luck, call it the low of averages, but sometimes when it rains it pours and vice versa.

b)  Perhaps more importantly, be self-reflective.  Most guys on the Internet suffer from an inflated sense of confidence in which they never realize they are doing anything wrong.  They insist that everyone else is the cause of their failures and that they are just unlucky, online dating is terrible, and women are just mean.  This is a bunch of non sense, and as a former struggling online dater, I once made similar excuses.  A long dry spell often means that you need to work on flaws in your game and develop your skills with women more.

Never be afraid to learn.  It is what separates those who are great in life from those who settle for mediocrity.  Push through those lows and come out of them on top!

It can be difficult for many of us to find the time to go out on dates since we have demanding work schedules that transcend the typical 9-5. However, it is that reality which is exactly why we need to date and try to establish some sort of personal and professional balance. The days of dad coming home to mom cooking dinner and the kids doing their homework at the table, before spotting him entering the house and running to give him a hug, are largely over.

So too are the days where mom and dad both work 9-5, come home and relax with their children every night, go out to dinner on Saturday and work in the yard on Sunday. Professions nowadays work 60, 70, 80 hours a week (including weekends), which leaves little time for any of us to build relationships that resemble these bygone fantasies from another world and time.

The difficulty of finding quality time to spend together at the beginning of a relationship poses a potentially insurmountable roadblock, since it is during that time when getting to know each other and hopefully building a sense of mutual trust typically occurs. Trouble finding good times to go out on dates, and phone conversations condensed into impersonal texts, make it nearly impossible to get to know someone and determine if you have a true connection.

I am not an easy person to make plans with, primarily because I work a zillion hours and there is no specific time when my day typically ends. Additionally, as my friends can attest to, during the season I am a virtualghost (even when we aren’t on the road). Yet, in spite of my crazy job I’d like to think that if the right woman and relationship came along that I would figure out a way to make it work. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that she will do anything more than acknowledge my efforts, but regardless I have to keep trying and have faith that eventually I’ll find someone who likes me enough to make things work in spite of my crazy lifestyle.

I was sitting, trying to think of a relevant or clever topic after such a new-filled weekend.  First, I thought about the Royal Wedding.  I should be married soon.  After all, Prince William and I are the same age.  Our little brothers are both the same age.  Though Prince Harry and Andy both used to be the goofy younger ones, I doubt my brother, who is in the process of becoming a rabbi in Israel, would ever dress up like a Nazi for Halloween.  He did, though, dress up like Shredder from the Ninja Turtles, which isn’t too much of a departure from National Socialism.

The two news events that happened this past weekend kind of summarize the two opposing sides that the world is on.  On one side (developed) is a large group of people who live in a highly urbanized society.  Starting with the Industrial Revolution, we have slowly gained more wealth, independence, and freedom, until the point where we marvel at a wedding conducted by one of the richest families in the world.  Despite the fact that it seems trite, we need  events such as this to show how much further every individual, no matter how rich, can go.

On the other side of the world (underdeveloped) is another group of people.  These people, and nations, never experienced industrial revolutions and technological innovations.  The people are often not wealthy, independent, or free.

I started writing this post trying to compare and contrast the Royal Wedding with the killing of Osama bin Laden, but as I wrote it, I realized that there is nothing to compare.  I can’t make everything relatable by using big words.  The two things that happened this past weekend were just that.  They were just two things.  One should make you be proud to be British, and the other one should make you proud to be an American.  (You know which one you are).

Dear Tamar,

I just turned 79. I really look 69. I wrote 75 in my profile and found somebody who was exactly was I was looking for! He is 77 but when I gave him my email he wrote that I was deceiving him because he found out my real age and then he stopped all communication. If I put 79 in my profile I get all 80 year olds and up. I have nothing to do with that age range. I am very active and relate more to younger people and they respond to me. I am ready to give up my search. I have no hope. What can I do?

Dear Age Before Beauty?,

The guy doesn’t sound very nice. In fact, I’m appalled by his behavior. No offense, but at 77 can he really afford to be so strict? He obviously thinks that age is more than a number whereas you believe that it’s nothing but a number. He’s not your Beshert. Forget about this guy and move on.  You’re young at heart and that’s what matters! I don’t think a little white lie of 4 years is such a big deal and it’s not like you’re not going to admit your real age, right? Since you’re an active senior, be active on 100hookup as well. That means you need to seek out the guys that fit your preferences — age, activities, location, hobbies and so on. Then go ahead and write them an email and let them know exactly what you told me — that you’re 79 but look and act more like 69 and are not interested in men older than you. On the same note — don’t discount 80-year-olds, they could be just as young-looking and active as you!