Archive for April, 2011

Scenario:  You are out and about and decide it’s that time of night to hit on a female.  You approach her feeling good and ready to kick some game.  The opener goes well, you’re having a great conversation and then, out of nowhere, the woman says she has to go.  You are left confused wondering where things went wrong.

This can be an extremely frustrating aspect of picking up women online.  With the hundreds of things that may have occurred during the course of one conversation, it is nearly impossible to pinpoint specifically where things went wrong.

Enter online dating.

 One of the most beautiful aspects of online dating is that you have the ability to go back and save a conversation.  Every single step of your pick up is right in front of you, all typed out.

 This is an amazing gift, allowing you to study every aspect of your pick up and figure out where exactly things went wrong.  It enables you to improve upon your mistakes, fix the kinks in your game, and be more prepared than ever for your next online pick up.

Copy and pasting is your best friend.  Save your conversations and use them to your advantage.

I was at Bar Mitzvah dinner recently (last weekend) and found myself in a conversation with a woman.  That, in itself, would have made the night fantastic.  But there is so much more.  Not only was I talking to a woman, but she was talking back to me.  The fact that I am a blogger for 100hookup somehow came up.  Of course, by ‘somehow’, I mean ‘inevitably,’ because I tell anybody that will listen to me that I blog here.

I mentioned that my dad is also on 100hookup, without yet realizing that he could be a candidate for this young lady because she was exactly between our ages.  My mind wandered into places that I never wanted it to go.  She started asking me about my dad, and it wasn’t long before I realized that she probably had conjured an agenda.  I was not about to fistfight my own father for the love of a woman Sabrina style.  However, if I was Greg Kinnear and my father was Harrison Ford, then he would definitely win without a fight.  Since my dad is not yet Han Solo, the playing field was still even.

She continued to ask questions about my father.  They were not very personal, but I disliked how the conversation was shifting away from my positive personal peculiarities.  However, I was grateful that somebody decided to include wine with our dinner festivities.  It helped for me to enjoy the night without worrying too much about what was actually unfolding at my table.  So that was fun.

Wait, who ended up with Sabrina in Sabrina?

Being in a healthy relationship makes everything in life not only easier, but also better. Last May I began a relationship with a woman that I met on 100hookup, and during most of the time we were together I felt imperious and on top of the world. If I had a problem we talked about it. After a long day we went out and my stresses melted away. I always had someone to go out with on the weekends, and man did we have fun together! She just had a way of bringing out the more social, fun side of my personality that often needs to be coaxed out of hibernation.

Unfortunately, after about three months of intense dating, an insurmountable issue came between us, and we decided the best thing to do was break up before things got more serious. After our split I knew that it was important that I take a little time before getting back onto the dating scene, and decided to wait until I was completely ready to put myself back out there before dating again. However, since that time, even though I have been consistently dating, I’ve gone out on over a dozen first dates with only one yielding a second.

After most of the dates I wasn’t interested in going out again, but there have been a few when I’ve asked for a second date only to be gently turned down. While I can’t say that this reject felt very good it wasn’t anything that was going to deter me from going out and trying to meet women. Although recently I went out on a first date with a woman I met on 100hookup and, in spite of our having a good time, she turned down my request for a second date. Her response was that she had a great time but that she “just didn’t quite feel it,” and therefore didn’t want to go out again.

Through no fault of hers I was honestly very frustrated when she didn’t want to go out again because I felt really good about her and how our first date went. After her rejection, for the first time since last August, I strongly considered taking a break from, not only online dating, but also trying to meet women in general. Ultimately, after talking with a good friend of mine, I decided to give it a little more time, but deep down I know that I really need something positive on the dating front to happen soon or else I’m gong to need to take some time off.

Dear Tamar,

I am turning 39 next week and am feeling increasingly depressed about it.  It seems men only want to date women up to around age 32, judging by the profiles I have read.  One went so far as to confirm why: He wants kids.  Ugh.  I recently dated a guy who was several years younger than I, and he had serious concerns about my ability to have children, and I felt pressured about having a timeline.  These concerns were discussed at only 7 weeks into our relationship, which he admitted was off to a pretty great start with this little exception.  What am I supposed to do?  I’m a great person! I wasn’t expecting to be single at 39, but it happened.

Dear 39 & Out of Time,

I don’t think most women your age expect to still be single, but this generation is seeing people marrying older and older and starting their families in their 40s. Are you as open minded as you’re asking men to be? Meaning — are you open to dating and marrying an older man? If you’re dating men several years younger then make sure you’re also dating men several years olde; be an equal opportunity dater.

I don’t think 7 weeks in is so early to be discussing children. By 2 months in you should know if the relationship is moving forward or not. If the guy really liked you it wouldn’t have mattered about your ability to bear children. It’s well documented that it’s more difficult to get pregnant after 35 so any educated man is going to be curious as to your desire to have children — not that you have any control over your ability to do so. That said, if a man in his early 30’s is so concerned than why is he even bothering you to begin with?

Concentrate on meeting who you can online and then try going to some 100hookup events so you can meet people in person where you won’t get systematically eliminated based on your age before you even meet.

Dear Tamar,

After 4 or 5 days of either emailing or speaking on the phone, my 100hookup communications die off? What can I do?

Dear Short Term Communication,

The best thing to do would be to make plans after 2 days of communication instead of letting the conversation continue and then taper off. In order to really see if a 100hookup is for you, you have to meet. A relationship can only go so far online or on the phone. As women, we prefer to have the men do the asking out, but you’re already communicating in this situation so there’s nothing wrong with asking a guy what his plans are for that week/weekend and saying you should meet up for coffee. If he doesn’t take the initiative to make plans, then be straight with him and let him know you’d prefer to just meet and make sure there’s chemistry before spending anymore time getting to know each other.