Archive for January, 2011

Dear Tamar,

I feel that I receive limited responses to my 100hookup profile and was wondering ways to attract women? I am tall with diverse interests but divorced (no children) and in my mid-40’s. Any suggestions?

Dear Great Catch!,

You are, in fact, a great catch based solely off of the information you just gave me. I know of dozens of women who would be interested in you! So that means you’re probably not representing your best self in your profile since you’re not receiving replies. Try taking new photos – this New Year’s is a great time to get some candid photos of you having fun and celebrating! Make sure your preferences are realistic. I know women in their early to mid-thirties who would be interested in you, but you will, without a doubt, have more luck with women in their late thirties to mid-forties, so your age range needs to be pretty broad. Finally, although I’ve now told you that you seem like you’re a great catch, make sure your About Me paragraph doesn’t come across as cocky. Nothing is worse than a guy who is a great catch and says so himself! Oh, and instead of just saying “diverse interests,” actually name some of them that are indeed diverse. Having broad preferences is good, making broad statements is not.

In one of  my last online dating blogs we discussed a few New Year’s Resolutions to help us with our online dating lives.  Some of the potential New Year’s resolutions that I suggested were to:

• Add new photos to your photo album and update your gallery
• Perfect your profile
• Work on humor
• Improve your mental and physical health

When you are looking to meet the perfect hookup guy to take home to mom, or simply meeting women online to find a casual date, this New Year’s resolutions may help a lot.  This week I will be adding a few more things that you can throw on to your list.

Understanding the mind of the opposite sex – The male and female brain is wired completely differently. This is where many fail in relationships because they just can’t understand that the two sexes don’t think the same.  Take the time this year to understand the mind of the opposite sex and learn its intricacies.

Try new dating ideas - People that have been dating for a while are used to being taken on the same boring dates over and over.  If you have been online dating for a while, odds are you have fallen into similar habits. Keep things exciting for both you and your date!

Practice, Practice, Practice – Online dating was a skill that took me years to learn and perfect before I was able to pull off a successful date with ease any time I wanted to.  If you want to improve your dating life you simply have to work at it as much as possible and treat it just as seriously as you would anything else in life.

Add these three things to your list and continue to work on improving your love life for 2011.  Have fun!

So another year has disappeared in the blink of an eye and you find yourself wondering where on earth your love life has gone wrong.  No, I can’t go back and place someone special into your life, but what better way to make yourself feel better than by having a good laugh at the expense of others.  So the next time you feel down on your luck, just think to yourself, “At least I’m not….

Tiger Woods: Tiger Woods managed to go from being in a relationship with a beautiful woman to self-destruction by sleeping with every possible female across the U.S.  So, repeat after me: “At least I’m not Tiger Woods.”

Jesse James: Jesse James had America’s Sweetheart and decided to cheat and opt for women that support dictators whom we sure do not want to mention on 100hookup.  So, repeat after me: “At least I’m not Jesse James.”

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Sheen has a hit sitcom, millions of dollars and can’t seem to keep himself from self-destructing month after month with professional “escorts.”  So, repeat after me: “At least I’m not Charlie Sheen.”

I could go on forever but you get the idea.  Our love life may not be complete.  But you are off to a great start by being on an outstanding online dating site. Remember, things could always be worse!

With 2011 being a New Year, it is a great time to make some New Year’s resolutions to get your dating life on track.  While New Year’s Resolutions are common and generic, let’s focus on online dating resolutions.  As you start this year, think about making the following improvements that will help to improve your online dating life.

Put up some new pictures – Put up some profile pictures that show your best assets.  Your photo album should be treated with care and carefully created.  The idea is to tell the story of your life through pictures.

Fix that profile – Writing an online dating profile requires a lot of effort and skill.  Look over that dusty old profile of 2010 and come up with a new profile that will help to build attraction and generate interest.

Improve your humor - The biggest way to generate interest in both males and females during an initial conversation is through humor.  Start finding ways to make your potential dates laugh through your emails and Instant Messages and rid yourself of repetitive small talk.

Improve your inner and outer health – Improving your physical health will not only make you more attractive to the opposite sex, but will increase your mental health, as well. This will provide you a tremendous boost in self confidence.

Follow these New Year’s Resolutions and you may just find your online dating life heating up for 2011.  So get to work!

I live in Chicago and for those of you who have never visited the Windy City during the winter it is freaking cold! I won’t get into the specifics but we have this crazy thing called the “Wind Chill Factor” that says how cold it feels outside when you take in account the wind, which is always at least 5-10 degrees colder than the actual outside temperature. Add in the snow, which inevitably turns to gross dirty slush, and you have a situation where most people don’t want to leave the warmth and comfort of their house between December and March.

If you live in a part of the country where this is the unfortunate situation during the winter months then, like me, you might be experiencing a lack of motivation when it comes to meeting people and going out on dates. During the summer so much is going on, which makes it much easier to remain in a constant social mindset; however, during the winter, our tendency is to go into Hibernation Mode which is often times a difficult mindset to reverse. Your friends that are couples might opt for a quiet night at home instead of going to the bars, and people who don’t live near you may decide to go out in their neighborhood because of the hassle of travel. What this is all means is that there are less imminent opportunities to meet people and be social during the winter.

Additionally, when it comes to online dating, it seems to me that less people are interested in talking since that social edge they road just a few months ago has been covered by a sheet of snow and ice. However, I would submit to you that the winter is the best time to go out on dates since the extra commitment it takes to live up to plans usually signifies that the other person is actually interested in you and not just going out to go out. So don’t let yourself take the easy way out and let the nasty weather outside be your excuse for not remaining active and trying to meet people. Just remember: Sitting in front of a fire with someone else is a heck of a lot better, and warmer, then sitting in front of one alone.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that dating, and meeting someone is, in its most basic form, a process of trial and error. You never know whether or not the person you’ve decided was attractive or interesting based on an initial interaction at a bar, or from reading his or her online profile, is actually going to be someone who will elicit a spark.

You see, when you think about it, most of dating comes down to reading people and looking for subtle clues that give us little insights into the other person. Often times on a date I can tell within minutes of our meeting whether or not we have a spark. Perhaps you think this is silly or trite, but I always try to trust my instincts, and when it comes to judging whether I am interested in someone romantically I am rarely wrong.

I believe this is due to the fact that I approach every date with an open mind and clear perspective. Because really, when you think about it, the idea of a first date leading to a second date, and one day even developing into a relationship, is an awful lot to have weighing on your mind heading into every first date. So try to take the pressure off yourself, and know that things may work out, and things may not, but in the end what matters is that you are trying to meet someone because, without trial, there cannot be error… but there also can’t be success.

Next time you are out on a 100hookup, or any date in general, I propose a new activity.  Bring a small notebook with you and take down meticulous notes over everything that transpires.

When you first meet, you might hug awkwardly.  Be sure to start your minutes with a long description of how you greet each other.  Don’t worry; she won’t think you’re creepy.  She’ll think you’re intelligent and thorough.  She will probably first ask what you are doing.  Write that down!  “What are you writing?” she might ask.  Don’t answer; that will only draw attention to the fact that you’re constantly writing in a notebook and seem, from an outside perspective, insane.

“So, what do you like to do for fun?” you write in your notebook after asking her in person.  Listen to her while you are writing, as writing the sentence will likely take longer than verbally asking her.  She may answer with a fun quip like, “I like it when someone I’m on a first date isn’t taking punctilious notes while I’m trying to have a conversation.”  Classic!  Women: What are you gonna do?  Can’t take notes on ‘em, can’t appreciate some good, copious notation.

By the time you reach your table (assuming you are at a restaurant), you should have roughly ten pages already written in your handy notebook.  Now, start writing down everything that’s on the menu.  This is so you appear intelligent while the girl tries her hardest to talk to you.  Don’t worry, she may seem agitated.  This is only because she is wholly interested in your curious knack for writing while simultaneously not listening to anything she’s saying.  Now, try to think of a simple topic that you can talk about while constantly writing.  “So, our town’s NFL team is pretty bad, huh?”  She will probably respond with, “Are you a serial killer?”  When this question arises, and it undoubtedly will, be sure to answer with, “No”.

Please do not do anything that I have written in this post, and you should be able to live a happy life with the girl/boy that you love.

I think the feature that allows 100hookup users to see who has been looking at your profile should be discontinued.  I understand the reason for its existence.  People feel good when they see that other people look at them and even better when that person is of the opposite sex and not related to you.  It’s a nice little rush of date-drenaline when you see all (one) of the girls or boys that have been checking you out.  Here’s what the problem is:

I have developed an online relationship with a girl that lives across the country.  I understand that that is inherently a bad idea and goes against the morals of online dating.  Why start an online relationship with someone that you’re likely to never meet in person? Well, because she was pretty and she talked to me and that doesn’t happen every day.  It made me happy so, fine, maybe I wasn’t supposed to do it but I did and it makes me feel good.  Seeing that she’s online at the same time that I am is a tiny joy in life that my twenty seven years on earth has entitled me to.

The problem comes when she sees that I search for her profile every day.  She’s all like, “What’s up with that?”  And I’m all like, “Damn baby it’s the only way I can see if you’re online when I am because I can’t search for girls in my region because you’re not in my region.”  And then she’s like, “Well that is completely rational and I am flattered that you like me.”  Then I’m like, “I would fly to California to see you like a normal person would do but I can’t afford a two-way ticket.”  And she’s like, “Just buy a one-way ticket.”  And I’m like, “Cause if we don’t end up marrying in like one week, which we probably won’t, then I’ll be stuck in California.”  And then she’s all like, “That is completely reasonable.”

So I am currently continuing my online relationship.  I don’t know if it will eventually go anywhere, but it’s a nice thing to have at the end of the day.  Who knows, maybe she will one day lose her sanity and move to the never-ending unbounded hell that is Houston, Texas.

Dear Tamar,

I have a really good long-time friend that has always wanted to date me. We flirt but, until recently, were only friends. I finally agreed to go on a date with him and now that I have, I’m completely confused. Did I have a good time because we’re such good friends and I enjoy his company, or is it more? I can’t even tell if I’m really attracted to him or not. I don’t want to hurt him. What do I do?

Dear Friends or Lovers,

You’re definitely in a tough predicament. You run the risk of losing a great friend while you take the risk of finding out if he’s your Beshert. I suggest having this conversation with him if you haven’t already. He’s obviously had the hots for you for many years and wants you to feel the same way so I strongly believe he’d rather you jump in 100% to finding out if it could be true love, rather than play it safe and never know. To be blunt, the only way you’ll know if the chemistry you felt on your date is real is to keep dating and to get intimate. Cuddle, kiss and see how you feel. You know what that feeling is you’re looking for — the tingly sensation, the butterflies, the spark. And regardless of if you do or don’t feel it, make sure you keep the lines of communication open with him. If you don’t feel anything for him, hopefully your honesty will allow him to one day soon resume a friendship; just don’t expect it to happen overnight. If you do feel something, don’t rush into it because you feel so comfortable together. Just take your time and enjoy!

When you meet someone on 100hookup set rules cannot be applied. I am a big proponent of using 100hookup as a means to an end (meaning if you are on 100hookup then you should use the website to meet someone in person not just waste time trading emails back and forth). At whatever point you offer up your phone number (I recommend almost immediately) the clock starts ticking down from 48 hours — that’s 2 days, which is the expected time frame you would call someone if you got their number after meeting them at a bar.

But if the other person isn’t ready to call or isn’t totally convinced you are worth it, then the digits will be ignored and another email will be sent in its place. This is not always bad, but you should set yourself a time limit for a phone call, and when plans should be made by, before abandoning ship. Concessions need to be made, whether it’s allowing a phone call after two days, accepting a first date in the middle of the week or overlooking typos in emails and text messages. Relationships need compromise to thrive, even if that means meeting halfway from the first day.