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Dec 8

Drinking In Front of Children (And Other People who Make Drinking Awkward and no Longer Fun)

by JeremySpoke under Relationships,Single Life

What’s worse than drinking in front of children? Okay, first, obviously, if you’re with a child and drinking you are one of two very specific things. You are either 1.) A parent who has given up on life but not quite yet on your kid or 2.) Out with a friend who could only go out in the first place if they brought their child. Of course, there are many more situations that meet the criteria, but for the sake of me making something that will make me drunkenly laugh in front of your child sometime this weekend, I’m limiting the scope to two.

Either way, this is a very sad situation. First, if you’re a parent drinking in front of your own child, what are you doing? You might as well teach the child how to cook crystal meth and the economics of underground American prostitution. Okay, it’s really not that bad at all, but it is a little. If you’re alone with your kid and drinking, you better be at home and the kid better be a rental. Don’t tell me that you have a stressful life and one drink at home isn’t a big deal. Maybe that first ‘one-drink-night’ you had at home led to your child being there in the first place. Just kidding. I love drinking and am trying really hard to be funny after a night at Dave & Busters drinking with friends and a friend’s child.

Next, if you’re drinking with a child because your friend had to take their child with them, this is also sad. It is sad for your bad-parent-friend, as well as yourself. I know. You have a stressful job and need at least one beer afterwards. You order a beer before you know your friend is bringing a child. By the time you realize this, your beer has arrived, and the child just sat beside you. You want more of the beer so bad but feel like such a jackass drinking in front of him (her?). Now it’s ruined. Screw the beer. It’s ruined. Go home so you can wake up early the next morning and endure another monotonous, suicidal day before you can once again be beer blocked by some bastard child.

Also! My ex-girlfriend just added me on Facebook. Is this a good thing? I sure think so.

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One Response to “Drinking In Front of Children (And Other People who Make Drinking Awkward and no Longer Fun)”

  1. Carry Says:
    December 9th, 2011 at 7:11 am

    You’re just sad person who needs a good bottle of beer or two..or three! It doesn’t matter if you drink in front of children or older persons or whatever, it’s natural for our society. Just tell your children they’re not allowed to drink until the age of 18 and get it over with. by the way..I think it’s sad that your ex added you on FB!!

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