Pretty Predicament
by Tamar Caspi
under Relationships
Which is more important – looks or personality? Would you rather spend the rest of your life with someone who is smart as a whip, a great conversationalist and well-read but not particularly gorgeous or someone who is beautiful and has an amazing body but spends most of her time discussing the latest celebrity gossip. So is it brains or beauty?
Obviously we each strive to find our Beshert whom we are attracted to both physically and mentally, but if I had to choose one, I think I’d prefer the former. I’d rather be able to have scintillating conversation for the rest of my life. Not only do looks fade, but they can only get you so far. Do you want to roll over in bed in 50 years and see a wrinkled has-been (or worse, someone overly-nipped-and tucked) and talk about Kim Kardashian or do you want to see someone that you’ve grown to be attracted to and can discuss politics, current events, philosophy and so on?
Of course we strive to find the best of both worlds – someone who enjoys watching trashy television together after unwinding from a long day of work and also enjoys a good-natured debate about next year’s Presidential election.
When I first spotted my husband across the bar I was struck by his stature, his smile and his eyes. But it was the four hours of conversation after that which sealed the deal. We couldn’t stop talking – both about things we agreed upon and things which we respectfully agreed to disagree upon. I liked that he was the right-leaning moderate to my left-leaning moderate views. I liked that he was educated, worldly, sociable, and of course could make me laugh. He wasn’t just a pretty face.
When you’re out there dating you need to keep in mind that pretty isn’t the most important thing. You may initially be drawn to the most attractive person online or at the bar, but try to gauge what else they have to offer, otherwise it will seem like you’re having a date with a pretty painting, and you’ll soon be bored out of your mind. Needless to say, something about the person needs to make you want to get to know more about them, right? You can’t “see” substance, which is why you have to give everyone a chance and get to know them before discounting them.
Attraction can grow and it can diminish so make sure you’re contributing to a stable, steady growth in your relationships, and not responsible for it taking a nosedive. If you notice your date’s eyes roving or just a stream of “uh-hum’s” coming from their end of the conversation or if you keep going on first dates that never turn into seconds, try to see what you can change about yourself to stimulate your situation. Obviously you’re not going to know if you’re boring, but try to be aware of your date’s perspective of you. It doesn’t matter what you look like, but it does matter what comes out of your mouth. Read up on the news; make sure you’re up to date on the latest in your hobbies and interests; learn weird and interesting tidbits that you can share to create conversation. Do what you can to up your attractiveness quotient through other channels outside of your appearance.
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