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Aug 25

My Girlfriend Resume, Please Pass It On

by dabblerette under 100hookup,Relationships,Single Life

My 100hookup blogging is coming to an end now. But will I go softly into that good night? Not a chance! Instead, I’ve prepared my girlfriend resume for my final post, and am submitting it below for your consideration. Please pass this on to anyone in NYC who would lives fewer than two MTA transfers away from the NQ line, who might be interested in taking me on for a trial basis and thank you 100hookup for allowing me to share my thoughts so widely this past year.

Sentence Finishing

  • I’ve a proven track record in saving men’s breath. Since the time I could speak in 1984, I have taken the initiative of finishing the sentences of those around me, particularly those with whom I am romantically involved. If and when a man needs his sentence finished, I am always at the ready.

Conflict Resolution

  • Received mandatory middle school conflict resolution training in 1994. I now begin all accusatory sentences with the innocuous “I believe…”.
  • Conducted negotiations with a shady dentist in this calendar year, saving my checking account $150.

Motherhood Outlook

  • Possessed child bearing hips since 1993.
  • Biological clock ticks at pace appropriate for my age rage and socioeconomic status.
  • Children I raise will be well equipped to excel on the verbal portion of the SAT.

Parent Meet-ability

  • I have charmed the socks off of the parents and families of romantic partners since I first held a boy’s hand in 2000. Notable accomplishments of the past five years include:
    • Discussing politics whilst playing Scrabble with a Catholic mother until the cows literally came home, Minnesota 2007.
    • Making commentary in a modern art museum that won the approval of an extraordinarily sardonic rabbinical student father, Chicago 2009.
    • Turning the frown briefly upside down on a drug addled misanthropic little brother, upstate NY, 2011.

Other skills include the ability to cook, a not general unwillingness to clean, proficiency in Microsoft PowerPoint, and a vanity sufficient to ensure I will never get fat. I also do Bar Mitzvahs.

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