Dating on an Empty Stomach
under Date NightI recently noticed that my mood and attitude are directly related to the amount of digested food there is in my stomach. Therefore, the time of day makes a big impact on how friendly I am to you. Since I do not eat breakfast, you should completely avoid me from mornings until about 12:30 pm. Recently, a friend of mine whom I haven’t talked to in a while called me in the late morning. I am pretty sure that, as a result, our friendship is over. I only remember small bits of our conversation, but I do remember a lot of incoherent yelling as I tried to out-yell my stomach.
Now that I am one friend-less, I need to be extra careful about who I talk to and what time of day I do it. At around 12:30, I eat lunch, and am okay for a few hours. This is an excellent time to talk to me. I am very nervous about my new job of teacher’s assistant that starts next week. I am mostly worried about the fact that my class will consist of three to five year-olds. However, I also need to change my daily eating pattern in order to optimize my happiness. I want these kids to love me like I loved my pre-school teacher’s assistant whom I remember nothing about today.
Hunger has also affected my sporadic dating life. Of course, most dates involve food so it’s usually a moot issue. However, sometimes it’s just a movie. Since I am still on the Subway® diet, I cannot eat theater food. However, in my warped mind, I have decided that ICEEs® are okay because they are not technically food. If I am on a date while also on an empty stomach, only bad things will happen. In retrospect, I don’t think that I’ve ever been granted a second date if I was hungry on the first. I either have to be miserable and hungry or happy and single. That doesn’t make any sense.