I Need More Dates for Research
by JeremySpoke
under Date Night,JBloggers
It isn’t easy being a JBlogger. On average, JBloggers should go out on about two dates per week in order to assess enough material to write two posts per week. This comes out to 104 dates a year, which would technically make me a prostitute. Except it would be worse than a prostitute. It would make me a prostitute who doesn’t get paid. I don’t even know what that is. Actually, aside from the fact that I would quickly run out of the money that I never had in the first place, going on two dates per week would be nice. I would, though, have to figure out how to date on a budget à la Dave Chappelle in Half Baked. By the second week, I would not be above stealing from blind homeless people.
I haven’t made up dates that never happened in order to have material for the blog. Instead, I go off topic and talk about politics or my childhood, which are equally inane. If you would like for me to stop talking about my own childhood, I suggest you volunteer yourself to go out on a date with me. I will pay for your dinner, and we can split a dessert. I also promise to contribute one hour of relevant conversation. After an hour, I usually go off on a tangent which usually ends with me crying. You must be willing to nurse me while I cry uncontrollably. I suggest you start watching Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz in order to learn how to quell somebody else’s overflowing emotions. Really, any program whose title begins with ‘Dr.” would work.
After that, be prepared for me to propose marriage to you.
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