The Evolution of hookup Slow Dancing
by JeremySpoke
under JFacts
The development of slow dancing for the cosmopolitan reform Jew is regressive, and often seems to be going backwards. Take Bar Mitzvahs, for example. Bar/Bat Mitzvah parties are often the first chance that people get to dance publicly. They look stupid, of course. This is not only because they are for a group of 13-year-olds jumping around, but because dancing looks stupid to any outside party trying to analyze this phenomenon. If extra terrestrials were suddenly beamed to Earth inside a wedding reception, they would obtain dominance over earth very quickly.
Okay, so aside from the fact that people in suits dancing looks stupid, let’s look at its progression from adolescence to adulthood. When hookup children are in seventh grade, they are thrust into these weekly parties that are like wedding receptions with alcohol replaced by ice cream. They learn that, in order to slow dance, the boy must put his arms around his partner’s, while the girl must put her arms around his shoulders/neck. This often enables the dancers to get very close to each other. This would seem to look inappropriate as pre-pubescent teen bodies are pressed against each other.
As they grow older, the method of slow dancing evolves, as well. By their late teens, men are instructed to put one arm on his partner’s waist while the left hand holds her right hand. In practice, this leaves a considerable amount of room between the dancing couple. There is probably a good foot between the two bodies. Now, how does this make sense? Young children are taught to hold their partners against their bodies, while adults are taught to leave an appropriate amount of room between each other. This seems to send the wrong message. It’s almost like society is telling people to have more physical relationships at an early age, and to refrain from human contact once they develop into adults.
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