Archive for October, 2010

Maybe I’m just old fashioned when it comes to dating but I believe that if I ask a woman out, and we go out for drinks or dinner, that I should pay. It’s not a macho thing because I’m actually a feminist and women’s rights advocate, it’s more of the fact that even though our sensibilities as a society have changed over the years I still believe in acting like a gentleman.

Now I don’t necessarily take this concept as far as some might, but I am big on always trying to arrive first so that she doesn’t have to wait for me, opening doors, taking care of the bill and making sure my date gets home okay. My intention in performing these actions is not in any way to exert some form of archaic male dominance, but simply to make my date feel special.

Call me crazy but when I take a woman out on a date I want her to feel important, and that is one of the reasons why I try to do a lot of little things to distinguish myself as a gentleman. Also, as a big brother, I always try to think about how I would want a guy to treat my sister in a similar situation. If a woman was ever to express to me that she was uncomfortable with the dynamic that I had created on our date then I would certainly try to adjust my approach, but otherwise I assume that even by 2010 dating standards my behavior still has some kind of appeal.

Look, I’m not saying that you should bring your date roses or take her out on extravagant dates where you spend a boat load of cash because flowers are cliché and spending money to impress a woman is, in my opinion, a recipe for disaster; however, I do think that the little things matter. Opening a door, putting thought into where you take a woman on your first date and taking a general interest in her life is something that we can all do very easily, and whether you end up marrying that other person or not it’s nice to leave a date knowing that at the very least you treated your date like a lady.

On my quest for hot love I have already told many tales via this blog.  Some have been good, some have been bad, but all have been transitory.  There are no finished stories.  I suppose if one story played out completely, I wouldn’t have a reason to write in this blog.  I would have already found the love of my life and would have won the lottery.  Also, I wouldn’t have time to write here because of my busy television/radio/movie career.  I would visit 100hookup from time to time to check out all the other singles on their quests for happiness.

Of course, I am still one in a sea of unfortunate singles.  I visit 100hookup every day looking for the cement to fill the hole in my heart.  It’s usually a fulfilling experience.  I might get an email from a cute girl, or start up an online chat with a different cute girl.  After that, it is sometimes difficult.  I am often skittish about pursuing a relationship.  Asking a girl to dinner seems too forward, while not asking her out seems too cowardly.  I often take the lesser known middle route and hint at dinner.  That often comes out way creepier than either of the first two options and usually ends up sounding like, “So, like, since we know a little about each other, maybe we could get to know each other a little better.”  Therefore, I have found that it is never advisable to hint at a date.  You’re not writing a bad porno here (unless you want to); you’re asking someone out to dinner.  Just go all in.

In the same vein as my “go all in” theory, I sometimes blitz 100hookup.  If there are several people online in my area at the same time, I will instant message them all at once.  This can be seen as a last act of desperation, but I see it as efficiency.  When doing this, I often get multiple responses.  I gave up on limiting my options to people who share the exact same interests as me long ago.  This is mostly because there aren’t any people who fit these criteria.  Also, I realized that I don’t want to be around people who are too much like me.  I can hardly handle just one of me.  I will keep blitzing the site until I alienate all girls in the Texas area.  That may be the only way to find the one.

I refuse to believe chivalry is dead. It’s not that I can’t open my own door or drive myself to the restaurant or pay for my own meal, but when a man does it for me, I feel special.

I remember a 100hookup I met whose efforts were too forced and too obvious, and it was silly, really. He would say my name too often, which was probably a sales technique he learned to help remember names and make the person feel special, but instead it had the opposite effect and came off as insincere. When I answered the phone I heard “Hi Tamar!” When he left me a voicemail it was “Hi Tamar!” Each and every text message read “Hi Tamar!” It was just too much, too over the top and simply annoying.

Another 100hookup I remember lacked simple table manners. He didn’t put his napkin on his lap, chewed with his mouth open, talked with food in his mouth and held his fork like a pendulum over his plate and his elbows on the table. Ick.

One 100hookup extended the “ladies first” etiquette to me, but apparently the same didn’t extend to my female friends. One night a bunch of us went out and he opened the door for me but let it swing shut on my girlfriend. When we were getting our wristbands for the club, he stuck his hand in front of hers and as we were walking through the club he cut her off to walk behind me. Respect me by respecting my friends.

Another thing that bothers me is the indecisiveness. I was asked out on more dates than I can count where the man would ask me where we should go after I was already in the car. Excuse me? Here’s some advice: make a reservation at a nice restaurant and leave a decent tip. I don’t care how much the bill was, but I do care how you treat the server.

Listen, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be yourself… just be your most polite, well-mannered self on your very best behavior… at least on the first date!

After going out on dates with people that I’ve met online pretty consistently for the last couple of months I decided it was time to comprise a list of “do’s” and “don’ts” that I’ve been thinking about during and after I go out on first dates.

Do: Be assertive. If you’ve had a good connection via email/phone/text, then make a date.

Don’t: Wait for the other person to make it overtly clear that they are interested. If you think they are interested, then they probably are, so you should act with confidence.

Do: Plan something that you’re excited about for the first date. Be it coffee, a new restaurant, a bike ride or any other activity.

Don’t: Over plan/Overspend. First dates are meant to be a chill opportunity to feel each other out. As Chris Rock says, “you aren’t meeting that person, you are meeting their representative.”

Do: Pick something in one of your neighborhoods. There’s no reason why you both have to trek halfway across the city just to meet for the first time.

Don’t: Go to the same place every time. You’ll get bored with it and it’ll affect how things progress and your overall attitude toward the relationship.

Do: Act like a decent human being even if it turns out that you have no interest .003 seconds after the date begins. Remember you can still have a good time on a date with someone that you don’t feel an immediately connection with.

Don’t: Ever talk about the specifics of other dates. No one ever wants to hear about another date (even if it went terribly).

Do: Treat people like individuals. Don’t make every first date a carbon copy.

Don’t: Say you are going to call if you have no intention of seeing them ever again.

Do:  Look nice. You don’t need to take your tux out of storage, but at least look like you’ve showered and are about making a positive first impression.

Don’t: Wait 3 days, or whatever the cliché waiting periods before you can call someone after a date is, to ask someone out again. This isn’t Swingers.

Do: Remember that this is a list comprised of things that I’ve learned from the experience of going out on dates and being active with online dating.

Don’t: Follow the actions of others blindly, and take every piece of advice you receive about dating with a grain of salt.

Today, I decided that I am going to try stand-up comedy.  People often tell me that I should do stand-up, but I didn’t think I was physically up to it.  I mean, standing in one place, for an extended period of time, whilst also saying things funny enough to make people laugh is difficult.  I don’t think I have it in me.  And before I do any of that, I would have to like to write jokes.  How is that even possible?  Jokes have been around since the caveman farted in another caveman’s face.  That’s just classic caveman.  My point here is that you can’t write jokes because every joke one can perceive has already been…well…perceived.  Anything I say will be seen as plagiarized.  This is, of course, assuming that there will be people watching my performance that also have an extensive database of jokes stored in their brains, and that is just not technologically possible yet.

I sat down at my computer and started typing.  I wrote about my personal life.  I wrote about my flaws.  By the time it was finished, I read it.  Not only were there zero jokes, but it read like a memoir of an embittered elderly man’s long and unfulfilling life.  I think I even mentioned crying in the piece.

Maybe I should try observational humor.  hookup comedians are pretty good at that, right?  For example, today I ate lunch at Panda Express and dinner at a local Greek restaurant.  Also, in between meals, I met some friends at a coffee shop.  Those were the most exciting things that happened to me today?  No wonder that old man is bitter about his hollow life.

Maybe you’ve held on to your job during this economic downturn, maybe you’ve had to dip into your 401k or maybe you’ve even had to move back in with your parents as you try to save money. It doesn’t matter how the recession has affected you, if you’re single and dating then you’re not going to stop going out no matter how hard your wallet’s been hit. Whether you’re dating for the fun of it or seriously looking for someone to share the rest of your life with, the type of dates you’re now going out on have to change because of the country’s financial mess.

In the long run, a 100hookup membership isn’t expensive and is worth keeping. Think about how many drinks you’d have to buy at a bar in one month for yourself, your friends who you dragged out with you and the girls you’re hitting on. 100hookup is definitely cheaper than all that fuss. Instead, save your money for an actual date with a great girl/guy you met on 100hookup.

Other tips:
-find less expensive but tasty hole-in-the-wall restaurants instead of the newest, trendiest, fanciest place
-split an appetizer and a dessert, it’s romantic
-women should offer to go dutch and be prepared to actually pay up although it’s nice for the man to say no
-plan a daytime date with a picnic on the beach or a hike in the mountains
-after a few dates out, offer to cook and stay in for the night

Since this recession doesn’t seem to be ending anytime in the near future we all need to make lifestyle changes. It’s not gonna be fun, but in the end you’ll feel rewarded. Not only will you have saved money, but you’ll have landed a significant other who appreciates your responsible ways. It’s a win-win.

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Besides having the right attitude at 100hookup events, you also need to look the part. I was shocked at the conditions in which people appeared at the 100hookup event I attended. Hair disheveled, no make-up or too much make-up, wrinkled clothing and facial expressions that leave much to be desired.

The event was held during the week after work. That means it was after people have been sitting at a desk in the same clothes they put on at seven o’clock that morning—a full twelve hours before attending an event where they hope to meet their beshert. Change your clothes. I repeat, do not go to a 100hookup event before changing the clothes you have been in all day. If you don’t have time to go home, bring a change of clothes with you to the office as well as a pair of non-work shoes for the ladies (read: sexy), a toothbrush and toothpaste, a comb, deodorant and make-up. You want to look put-together, smelling fresh and letting interested parties know that you took the time to get ready for the event. Finding love is important to you so make it a priority to look good.

The saying “look good, feel good” means that once you’ve got your clothes, face and hair right, you’ll feel better, have more confidence and this will shine through to the people around you. A study shows that when you smile, your brain thinks you’re happy and will release endorphins and you will actually start to feel happy. So if you’re not so happy to find yourself at a single’s event, smile anyways. You’ll start to feel better and not only will you attract people you will start to see others smiling because happiness is contagious. And nobody wants to talk to someone with a frown on their face, no matter how pretty that face is!

Going to a 100hookup event means taking the time to get physically as well as mentally prepared. It’s tough to put yourself out there but you have to do it with your best self otherwise you’re wasting your own time. When you set-up your 100hookup account you didn’t waste your time and money using pictures of yourself “undone,” so why go to a 100hookup event without fresh clothes, make-up, combed hair and a smile? Take the time to prepare yourself before putting yourself out there.

I really like telling stories. Perhaps that is why I enjoy blogging so much because it affords me the opportunity to tell stories and anecdotes that I think are fun or interesting. When I meet people for the first time I don’t like to just sit there and ask them generic questions like I’m interviewing them for a job, and instead would much rather engage in a conversation where we can share stories and experiences that lead to us asking follow up questions because we are genuinely interested in the other person’s response.

When I go out with a woman on a first date I am going to tell stories and try to illicit some from her because that is the way that I most enjoy getting to know people. Additionally, while I am always interested in hearing stories about people’s jobs, friends and other important aspects of their lives, there is another specific story that I am usually clamoring to hear, which is how they decided to begin online dating. I’m just curious as to why people I meet choose to try dating online since everyone has different motivations behind the decision that ultimately defines their online dating back story.

For some people they were encouraged by their friends, or mother, to go online as a way for them to meet people and be more social. Others were already extremely social but decided to go online as a way to try something different and get outside of their box. Yet another group of people, like me, went online because they have a crazy job and wanted more opportunities to meet people than their restricted social life allows them.

However, no matter what your rationale was for trying online dating I encourage you to embrace it and tell the story of how you first decided to take that leap. Even though you may not think it’s the most exciting story in the world I believe that simply talking about the subject when you first meet someone adds to the things you have in common and helps create a mutual trust. In the end, we may have all joined online dating for different reasons but we still all got here, and that’s the most important thing.

100hookup profiles are really hard to mess up.  They’re also really hard to get right.  It seems that most of the profiles I have come across fall between these two extremes.  According to the 100hookup population, every hookup person on earth is easygoing, fun, loves friends, and loves to laugh.  Let’s examine these four characteristics.

First, I love easygoing people, but it’s getting a little cliché when people describe themselves as ‘easygoing.’  I think that being easygoing is a prerequisite for being on 100hookup.  Thus, there is no reason to describe oneself as such.  I already assume that you are easygoing because you are chatting with strangers and going out on dates with people whom you have never met in person.  Putting ‘easygoing’ in your profile makes it sound like you’re trying really hard to be easygoing, but are actually extremely demanding and tough to work with.  Easygoing people are way too cool to have to describe themselves in this way.  I would be really interested in a girl who claims to be inflexible and difficult in her profile.  I would take her out based on curiosity and on the fact that there’s no way she’s ever been on a date in her life.

Let’s move on to ‘fun’ people.  This word is similar in meaning to ‘easygoing’, and thus doesn’t need a very long analysis.  Again, people are going to assume that you’re fun, or else they wouldn’t talk or go out with you.  Unless you’re really hot.

Now we are at people who love their friends.  According to 100hookup, people love to go out of their way to say that they love their friends.  However, the word ‘friend’ itself implies that you have affection, otherwise you wouldn’t have friends.  Therefore, I think that it would be more correct to say, “I have friends.”  Actually, don’t say that either.  You’re trying too hard.  I know that you love your friends.

Finally, we have people who ‘love to laugh.’  This is the most confusing and troubling thing to say about yourself.  Who hates to laugh?  Really?  You do?  Then why are you laughing?  The act of laughing itself is a testament to the fact that you love to laugh.  Everybody loves to laugh.  Laughing is fun and great.  Again, if you hate to laugh, I would love to take you out just based purely on curiosity.