Author Archive

We live confined by legalities and social expectations, but sometimes our feelings should be our guiding light. Not Paris quite, but here in Brooklyn people kiss in the streets without reservation. It is unlike where I come from, where fear of being spotted and judged contains all the passion of the city. I am happy this summer to live amongst this open love that shares the air with the water spray of open fire hydrants, both symbols of the credo that justifies an unapologetic doing of what feels good.

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I believe a quick discussion can go a long way in assessing compatibility. As a girl who is single with an affinity for working a room, I equate all parties and social gatherings to a speed dating event. While I have met mild success this way, a legitimate speed dating event would eliminate certain setbacks encountered at a standard party. What this means is that at a regular party of course, a sizable chunk of my interlocutors will be conditional non-starters. Some will be married, some will not be interested in women, and some will be moving to Switzerland on Tuesday. These guys are not always easy to distinguish from their available counterparts and might not let you know their status until the end of your five minute “date” with them. Lately I’ve had a hankering to attend an actual speed dating event where everyone has a like minded goal. Little did I know that these gatherings have strong hookup roots. Wish me luck as I explore this new frontier.

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Having a friend bail a friend out of a bad date with a telephone call requiring their unexpected and immediate presence elsewhere is a widespread dating phenomenon. Luckily, in all my days as a dater, I have neither been the victim nor the perpetrator of this method of extrication. A friend however told me she recently found this on a second date that she was dreading. She staged a phone call after less than an hour into an experience she characterized as boring and uncomfortable. Apologizing to her date, she claimed she had to rush a set of keys to her roommate. Let me be clear, I do not endorse this practice. Though her effort to reclaim her afternoon is commendable, her execution was flawed. Her date was onto her game and let her know. Though she denied everything, the experience was likely humiliating for him and awkward for her. For one, the classic popularity of this bail out method renders it transparent. No one wants to get the feeling they are on the losing end of a bad romantic comedy. More importantly, its premeditated nature raises the important question: why meet with someone in the first place when there’s an escape hatch in one’s thoughts?

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When you go on dates with people you’ve never met face to face before, you run a great risk of being publicly engaged in conversations that are embarrassing. By embarrassing I mean that you hope that the people within earshot assume that someone like a well meaning aunt was involved in planning this date. This is an online dating hazard that one should think positively about because whatever doesn’t kill you, stocks you with an arsenal of entertaining anecdotes. Those married people who love living vicariously through your single adventures will eat up this charming byproduct of your independence. On a related note, I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy having a forum for my stream of consciousness on the subject of dating twice a week.

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I had a friend recently suffer a romantic blow. Despite the fact that her relationship ended during its early stage of fragility, she was not at all prepared for its demise. Dreaming of wedding gowns, and offspring, she let her expectations flourish unchecked. Now she is accounting emotionally for the excitement she had prematurely built up over something that no longer exists. She is suffering more from her romantic optimism. While I am extremely sympathetic, I on the other hand guard myself emotionally indefinitely, always waiting for an assurance it’s sure. Through constant evaluation of, and mental preparation for all possible outcomes, I rarely exercise my tear ducts over similar loss. This is both fabulous and empowering. Nevertheless, I can’t help but wonder if this robotic method of operation bears its own intimacy problems.

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When you have a date planned with someone you met over the Internet, the rules of engagement differ from the pre-date rules with someone met in real life. While it is never a great idea to bombard a new romantic intrigue with the thoughts that pop into your head in the form of text messages sent in real time, so much more is this the case when dealing with someone you’ve never laid eyes on. If you are sending such communiques and getting limited to zero response, cease and desist this operation. Consider the merit of your message before hitting send on an email, text, or outgoing call that is not directly related to the logistical details of a date. Nothing says “I have no friends” more than a news feed. So reserve sharing the cutesy particulars of such things like the variety of breakfast cereal your are currently consuming for never. If you can’t wait that long to get that deep, hold out until after the first date.

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Raised to be considerate of the feelings of others no matter how I feel about my date, I am always at the least cordial. Even in extreme scenarios such as aesthetic deception in a profile, addressed here. Unfortunately, cordiality has the potential to be mistaken for interest. Giving zero indication that a second date is necessary or desired does not necessarily reduce the threat of post date persistence. I firmly suggest that polite people everywhere prepare now for this inevitable outcome. Get inspired by the failing economy and take your method of rejection cues from the tone of your would be employers: Dear Applicant, thank you for your interest but we have decided to go in a different direction.

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Correspondence with fellow 100hookuprs® can be a bit like a chess match. Those who are bored by board games should fear not as I don’t know chess well enough to extend the metaphor properly, but anyone who calculates the benefits of “flirting” versus “hot listing” before doing either will get my general point. And like chess, online dating is a game, but not one that is overtly fun. While I genuinely enjoy the intellectual challenges that accompany the courtship process, there is anxiety involved and a desire to not be the loser when all is said and done. Practice makes perfect, so save the best game for last.

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This weekend I am attending the wedding of two of my closest friends. It is hard to predict what the exact nature of my emotional response to the proceedings will be. I am not the type of girl to act like a girl, but occasions of this magnitude are capable of breaking down whatever barriers normally prevent me from squealing with delight and from exercising my tear ducts out of happiness. With no explanations or apologies, I plan to gush during this demonstration of genuine love. When it’s over, I will be forced to acknowledge that romance is not a dead medium for human expression like I often insist. It is very much alive. The fact that my hand is not being held as I walk through New York City parks is not a product of a disenchanted zeitgeist, but rather a product of my own choices. Speaking of walks, my friends will do so down an aisle and then profess their love for one another before the eyes of their friends and family. As they do so, I will reconsider my staunch policies on commitment phobia.

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Unlike many of my contemporaries flying romantically solo, I am more than content without having a copilot. I do not feel the void of an empty space beside me in bed, nor do I gaze with jealous contempt at hand-in-hand couples in love. Instead I look with genuine enthusiasm on the bright side. Being single means a 100hookup membership. Being single gives meaning to that extra coat of eyeliner, and means a clear conscience when collecting digits. Being single means seasoning your culinary concoctions to your exact specifications, and coming home from happy hour as late as you desire with no questions asked. Being single means never having to say you’re sorry. If you are on this site looking for love, don’t stress about making a good thing happen for you before the timing is right. Instead, savor each potentially awkward encounter you experience with a stranger from the Internet. One day, you will fall in love and get married and all that jazz. Believe it or not, during a post-post-honeymoon moment, you will with fondness reminisce about these single, question-mark years that are full of hope and possibility.

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