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Hey Guys: Get Better Responses to Your Messages

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In the 10 years that I’ve been helping men find love online, one thing has remained constant, women receive the majority of messages. While online dating has leveled the playing field for introverted men, most guys still have to be assertive and strategic to get noticed by attractive women who are being inundated with messages.

Do you need to be the most handsome guy online to get a date? No. Do you need to be the wittiest? Nah, but it wouldn’t hurt. Do you need to be the richest? No way, she wouldn’t believe you anyhow if you put your income in your profile. What you do need is a method to stand out from the other males vying for her attention.

The next time you get ready to write to that beauty, make sure you follow these steps to not only get noticed, but also get the date.


Women will do two things when they open their deluge of emails: read your message then look at your primary photo. If she doesn’t like what she sees, you’re dead in the water. She won’t even experience the brilliance and heart in your profile. She’ll pass up the cute and quirky profile photos that you buried after that boring headshot. Then she’ll delete you. Game over.

Choose a primary photo that is memorable, unique, funny, or maybe even a little mysterious. Or wear a perfectly fitting suit – that gets a girl every time.


90% of the messages women receive have a subject that says something like, “Hey there”, “Just saying hi” or “Hello beautiful.” These subject lines scream to be forgotten or ignored.

Select a subject that is strange like, “Pekinese Puppies”. Then once she opens your email you can tell her that it has nothing to do with your silly subject line but now that you have her attention you can tell her anything you wish.

Otherwise, respond to something in her profile directly in the subject line, “Bhutan? I have a funny story about that!”

Which brings me to my next point…


It goes against male nature to stop oogling at her eyes and body for a minute to thoroughly read her profile but it will make all the difference in the long run. If you have

a comment about what she wrote you have an easy jumping off point for your first email.

Do not go with the numbers game of sending form letters then engaging only when a lady replies. That method exponentially decreases your chances of making a match.


Come up with a simple email formula that you can modify which doesn’t take you all day to compose and you will avoid email burnout and the “rejection spiral.”

Here’s a simple template…

I can’t believe you _____(something interesting in her profile)_______. I’ve never done that but I have _____(something in her profile)__________. What do you think about _____(something she will have to reply to with a more detailed response than yes/no)___?


– Do not talk about her body. Women don’t want to feel objectified and you’ll earn more points if you comment on what she says or what she’s doing in her photos than on her physical attributes.

– Do not insult her. This strategy became popular with pick-up artists a few years ago but it fails you more often than it helps. Until you know her sense of humor and sensitivities, it’s better to go the nice guy route.

– Do not argue her belief system. If she’s Orthodox and you’re Reform or she’s Republican and you’re a Democrat, you won’t get anywhere by telling her how she’s wrong.


When I ask women that I work with what they are looking for in a man, nearly all of them list the following qualities: kind, chivalrous, funny, and smart. If you can demonstrate any or all of these qualities in your first email, you’re halfway there. Now you just have to find a way to not blow it on the first date.

If you need step-by-step guidance for a flawless first date, click here for Damona Hoffman’s free report 7 Simple Steps for a Flawless First Date.

Damona Hoffman, a certified dating coach, radio host, and TV personality, was a finalist for iDate’s Best Dating Coach of 2014, named one of the top dating experts in LA by, and has made hundreds of media appearances on NBC, Fox, Animal Planet, Sirius Radio, Woman’s Day Magazine and more. Get more love advice and a free gift from her at

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