Still Hot, Why Not?
Can A Woman My Age Find Love?
I park, pull down the visor, and check my hair and makeup. Look to see if any lunch has adhered to my teeth, which are stickier than they used to be. This is because, as my dentist recently explained, teeth get less smooth with age. Everything gets less smooth with age. Still, I’m vain. I’ll be applying lipstick on my death bed. And if I’m not, start worrying.
I’m meeting a date for the first time. I dread this moment. Before, there’ve been a lot of facts. I know where he lives, how long he’s been alone, and how many kids he has. I know what his favorite teams are, and what he does in his spare time. Those are facts, but this is truth. The moment of truth. Will we have that elusive thing called chemistry? If we don’t, if I don’t, I will lose what I’ve got right now, as I turn the corner and see him sitting on a bench. Hope.
Yes, I have hope, and I will admit hope for something that many of my girlfriends consider silly, at my age: Love. True Love. True Partnership Soul-to-Soul, Heart-to-Heart, Beshert-Style, Unconditional, All-Out Forever.
And there he may be. He’s sitting on a bench on the sidewalk, just opposite the door to the restaurant we’ve chosen. I feel a rush of relief. He isn’t forty pounds heavier, decades older, or twelve shades grayer than his photo. He stands when I approach, and I see that he is a lot shorter than his profile claimed; but then, I’m five years older. I have this overwhelming desire to hug him, how strange!
One glass of wine lingers to two. Two glasses of wine go on, into dinner. Dinner extends to coffee and dessert. We are easy together, we have no lack of things to talk about; and while I am not attracted in the way I used to be attracted to men—that warm-belly where you flush just looking at him—I tell myself I could learn to find him sexy. Lots of people learn to find people sexy. Look at my best girlfriend. She’s been married for ten years to a man she considered totally unappealing at first. Now they’re traveling freestyle in their custom RV through Delaware. Really, Diana, get a grip. Don’t reject someone just because you don’t want to kiss him. That will come in time.
He leans into me. Places his hand so tenderly on my hair. He’s making that strange snorting sound through his nostrils. Probably his nose gets cruddy more than it used to. Like my teeth.
“Wo, wait, woo, one minute,” I say, just as his lips are about to touch mine.
He cups his hand to his ear. “What?” he says. “I’m sorry, when I thought we were going to kiss, I took out my hearing aid. Did you say something?”
“Oh, I thought, maybe we could just, wait. Till we get outside,” I say, and then I release a huge burp, because I don’t really have the control I used to over my GI functions.
“Ah, you’re the modest type,” he says, teasingly, while he gazes into my eyes, and then he adds, “Your eyes are a strange color.”
“Oh,” I say, “that’s because I’ve lost pigmentation in my irises, y’know, that old-eye thing?”
“Oh yeah,” he says, sweetly, “that’s okay, I’ve lost most of my sense of taste.”
“Y’know what,” I say, “could you kiss on this side? My bridge is loose over here.”
“Oh sure,” he says, and he takes off his glasses, and leans in once more. He misses my mouth, but does manage to make contact with my chin. As he kisses, he sprays spittle all over my neck.
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” he says, “sometimes I involuntarily drool these days.”
“That’s okay,” I say, and really mean it, because he is looking at me with so much hope, and yearning. “I won’t remember. My short-term memory is shot!”
This coming weekend, we’re seeing each other again. He’s picking me up in his Miata convertible and we’re driving upstate to look at the leaves. Sure, I’ll wear a hat to protect my aging skin and sure, his hand will shake a little as he shifts gears. I do not preclude the possibility, however, that he is my “One.” Riding upstate on those open roads, I’ll be dreaming of the possibilities. That’s how love starts at any age.
Email this post
Loading ...
Thanks for the lol, Diana, I really enjoyed it. I am also amused to see how some people just completely lack any sense of humor or irony. Frank, very touching and uplifting story, thank you, too.
Sometimes, levity is just what is needed in this challenging game of finding a mate/partner/lover or whatever you wish to call it. I sympathize with the women who feel that men their own age act, look, and simply feel much older. Sadly, I feel the same way about many women. They are locked into a an approach to life that is very rigid. They have stopped learning and exploring. They are more concerned with filling their face with makeup and fragrance, then their minds with new ideas, with art, with literature. These women are old… And they all seek a man who has a sense of humor. But so many lack that themselves. This article made me laugh. I appreciate that. Thank you Diana… Don’t get me wrong, I know there are women out there who feel as I do. Being over 55 or over 60 is very confusing. We don’t feel old. We don’t live that way. And we don’t even look that way. It’s just a number. And I, at 65, don’t want a younger woman. I want someone of my generation who FEELS as I do, about 35. Ironically, I am finding precisely what the women complain about- these women about sixty are looking for men between 45 and 58. Yes, women do it too. For me, the only thing about age that does concern me is finding someone who is in reasonably good health. I plan to live a long time. But life is fragile and I know that when I find the woman I want to spend my life, with, I will be there for her. My father is 99 and doing well. Is it because he met a woman, 33 years ago, who still shares his life. He was 66 then, she 60. They still love each other. Oh yeah, they didn’t marry. They live in the same condo, each in his or her own apartment. They just do almost everything together, from travel abroad to the supermarket at home. I didn’t mean to write so much, but the bottom line is that I am optimistic. It saddens me to see so many women complaining. They write that they see the glass half full. I don’t know. As I’ve told some friends. I see it empty every day and take great joy in filling it.
Once again a comment with both humor and reflection. The start of the column describes that ever present feeling of anxiety when we’re about to meet someone who might actually turn into a partner. And then the funny kind of cartoonish way of describing how we feel about getting older. Love your column because I love to laugh.
I laughed out loud when I read this. I hope that you have a great leaf peeping time. Thanks for the fun blog.
This is hilarious! Great stuff! Stephanie, you have no sense of humor! Diana, you’re fabulous!
What a pathetic, silly and depressing post. Putting yourself down and finding more female parts to hate …. now it’s teeth in older women. I don’t see older men putting themselves down about being bold, or fat, or hairy, or having droopy privates. How sad that there is so much self loathing and contempt by women, toward women …. and how sad that the culture says it’s OK to put yourself down and to have no self respect.
The present day psychosis of women who live in a fantasy world. Men have ALWAYS dated 20% younger when looking for a relationship and women in the past realized this!
Well, this was certainly depressing! And, I find that there are a lot of good-looking men my age, but unfortunately, they mostly want younger women. So, I am forced to go five years older (because then I am the younger woman). I’m in my 50′s, and luckily still have me teeth, pigment, hearing, and all – but if this is a harbinger of things to come, I might just give up on the whole dating thing. And, at my age SEX IS one of the most important parts of a relationship. I’ve done the marriage thing, the children thing, and am very ready for the nonstop sex thing.
Thank you for the insult, @ Diana Amsterdam . I hope your profile doesn’t say you are kind or can look at different points of view, because clearly, in your own words, that would be a falsehood.
@Gia, thank you for summing up so beautifully the dilemma that women our age encounter, facing this new reality. I am so with you!! @Ruth, yes, I hear you, “immediate reactions” may no longer serve us well. Nobody talks about this age for women, and what WE encouner and go through, yet we are changing this (st)age for all the women who come behind us, as our Boomer generation has always done, so your comments are absolutely critical and key. @Judy, Hope you kept having laughs with your older guy and @Stephanie, I seriously hope your profile doesn’t say you’ve got a sense of humor because clearly, that would be a falsehood.
At a certain point – I think ‘love’ is secondary – companionship,compatibility and of course, financial security are much higher on the list than lust. I’ll probably never be sexually attracted to men my age and have always dated men at lease ten years younger than me. But economic conditions being what they are and its impact on my lifestyle and ability to take care of myself has changed that reality. So I am trying to stay open minded about dating men closer to my age – but quite honestly they are repulsive in almost every way – emotionally and especially physically and sexually. But reality is reality – so what can a girl do……
It’s funny that after a number of years on this site, I finally find myself highly attracted to a fascinating man who is older (by a fair amount) than I. I’m finding out immediate reactions are not always a good idea and so I’m open to more…..Hope things go well on your search!
So very funny! I’m meeting an older man tonight and I have hope he is as interesting as he seems…I will start there…ty for the giggles!!
You need a better writer on this site.
I am 55, so I read this.
But you are writing like you’re 85 years old.
You might want to change the Headline.