I have been dating a man who has been divorced for two years but was married for 37 years. He said he wants to get married again, but he’s been hurt and has built walls up. Sometimes he is not dependable and seems to run from his feelings for me. He is just under 60 years old and I am in my middle 50s with no time to waste. What is your advice?
— In a Quandary

I always tell my clients that to really be successful dating online, they have to date like it’s their job. Most of us have found out the hard way that jobs generally take a lot of work. You can’t just show up on the front steps of a corporation expecting to get hired. You send out resumes, ask for referrals from friends, and network to get noticed. Your profile is like your online dating resume.  It boasts about your background, your special skills, and is clear about what you are looking for. Referrals may be blind dates.  Networking is like going to a bar.

One of the key differences between a meaningful life and a happy life involves the difference between choice and control. When we are trying to live a happy life, it helps a lot if life is cooperating with our preferences. In order for us to be happy, the lights can’t be too bright (or dim). The food can’t be too salty (or not salty enough). We may need a sweater. Heaven forbid if we forget our lip balm! When people are nice to us, we are happy. When people snap at us, look down their nose at us, or ignore us completely, we are not happy. This would be fine except that all of these things are difficult for us to control. And while we may think that we should be happy anyway, sometimes this is just too much for us. Happiness eludes us because control eludes us.

Planetary highlights for December:  Mercury stationed retrograde on November 24^th and will be moving backwards until December 13^th. If you have to sign any contracts, it’s a good idea to wait until after the 12^th. When Mercury is retrograde it’s a good time to RE-think, RE-organize, RE-do, RE….you get the idea. But wait until Mercury goes direct before you put any of those plans in action – if you want them to actually last that is! Now is a good time to back up your computers (you know this has been on your to do list for months anyway!) and maybe hold off on that serious convo you were thinking of having with your new partner. Since Mercury rules communication, in all forms, it’s not uncommon for things to be misunderstood. So perhaps it’s a good idea to wait on telling your new honey that you bought those Louboutins or that 72” TV….instead of that vacation you both have been talking about…just sayin…

We human beings like to think that we are the masters of our destiny – that we are able to shape the circumstances of our lives. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. We may be under stress because of our financial circumstances. We may not be satisfied with where we are in our professional lives.  We may experience hurt (intentional or accidental) at the hands of others – even those we love. We experience disappointment when things that seemed promising at first do not turn out the way we had hoped. We may be lacking that special relationship that we so deeply desire. Our future may be uncertain. While all of this may seem a little bleak – it is all just a part of the reality of life – some of the ups and downs that make up a very human existence.

Dear Matchmaker Rabbi,

I met someone who seemed interested but before we had the chance to meet, I was asked very directly if I would be willing to relocate. My response was, “Not sure as we hardly know each other,” and then I was told, “My time is very valuable.” So, while still agreeing to meet him, I let him know if he could not make the appointment we had set to please let me know. And so he did try to reach me and left a cell phone message. I was left with the option to meet very briefly on a work day when it appeared more convenient for him. Very disappointing encounter, and we never met.

-Discouraged

Spatchcocking is easy and takes only a few minutes and either a very sharp knife or really good kitchen shears. While the process is simple and easy, the time saved in cooking equals big payback. Because the turkey is butterflied, the heat is more evenly distributed, and a 12 pound turkey will take about 1 ½ hours to roast versus a whole turkey, which will take over 3 hours to roast. A spatchocked chicken takes about 30 minutes to roast, while a whole chicken takes an hour.

What does it mean to live transformationally? At its heart, this idea is related to one of the greatest gifts that we as humans possess: The ability to perceive and envision greatness in others and in the world as a whole.

In essence, living transformationally means being able to hold a vision of the people around us and the world we are in and live out of that vision. Doing so – and doing so effectively – enables that vision of greatness to emerge in others and in the world as a whole. As more and more of us live this way, the world becomes transformed – both because of who we are and because of the effects that we produce all around us.

People join online dating sites for many reasons: To find an activity partner, a friend, a date, a long-term relationship, marriage, or marriage and children.  100hookup is even nice enough to lay out all of these choices side-by-side for us.  All it takes is the click of a button or two to list what we’d like to find in our online dating adventure.  Curiously enough, “pen pal” is not an option.  In fact, nothing of the sort is listed – not “letter-writer,” “someone to keep me occupied at work,” or “e-mail buddy.”  Nope – it’s just not a choice.  Why?  Because people do not join online dating sites to simply e-mail back and forth.  People are looking to form a relationship, not an e-lationship.

Thanksgiving is only a few days away, and instead of the usual pumpkin pie, try this delicious, lightly cinnamon-scented cake.

This is my favorite pumpkin cake. It is versatile and can be baked into layers, a loaf pan, or cupcakes.