Join for Free
Home » Expert Advice

The 6 Kisses We All Hate

Submitted by 12 Comments

There are so many ways to mess up the first kiss! Like signing a letter, a smooch wraps up the first date. Sometimes the first kiss can save an otherwise awful evening. Other times, it can destroy whatever progress you and your date have made throughout the night. Here are the 6 worst kisses that are sure to make your date kiss you goodbye for good!

1. The Lizard

Frantic and fleeting, your date’s tongue is in and out of your mouth like they’re testing the temperature of a swimming pool. What are they so afraid of? Tongue action, while a little forward for a first kiss, can be appreciated, but only if done well.

2. The Log Flume

Like those amusement park rides that look great from the ground, you’re excited to test out your date’s kissing style. But by the end, half of your face is drenched. Only it’s not gross theme park water – it’s saliva! Yuck! You should never have to wipe your face after a kiss. Too much spit (or drool) can be an absolute deal breaker!

3. The Vampire

Blame it on the Twilight craze, but everyone and their brother seem to be going for the jugular. Hickeys are for grade school, not for grown-ups. Bruises, bloody lips and sharp pinches should never be the result of a makeout session – isn’t kissing supposed to be fun?

4. The Macarena

There are a few people out there who think that 90’s dance craze isn’t just for hands. Their tongues flip left, right, up, down and then spin in circles. Meanwhile, you’re trying desperately to close your lips and exorcise whatever demon has inhabited your mouth. No thanks. You two probably won’t be dating for long.

5. The Notebook

Remember that scene in The Notebook when Allie jumps on Noah who lifts her up effortlessly while they share a deeply passionate kiss? Of course you do, that scene is amazing. But it’s a little extreme for the first kiss, and though the guy is clearly taking notes from Ryan Gosling (not a bad teacher), he’s gotta be pretty strong to manage this one. Plus, do you really know each other well enough to share that much lust? This one is better suited for the movies, or for reunions between soul mates.

6. The Watcher

Nobody really looks great while they’re kissing. But your date doesn’t care. Don’t mind their wide-open eyes while you’re trying to press your lips to theirs, your date is just enjoying the view! They’re scoping the scene. Assessing the situation. And in their eyes, you’re perfect. Just perfect. If only you felt the same – you can’t focus though because your date’s stare is just so damn creepy.

Let’s hope you’ve never had to deal with any of these kissing catastrophes. They’re all real and they’re all up there in the “Awful Kiss Hall of Fame.” But if you do find yourself stuck with a weirdo, of which there are plenty in the dating scene, pull back, smile, and try again, this time your style. Hopefully they’ll take the hint. And if not? You shut the door, walk upstairs and call it a night!

Janis Spindel is just 2 Marriages shy of 1000, and she has been in business for 21 years! Specializing in pairing up upscale clientele who are well-educated, sophisticated, attractive professionals, including public figures and celebrities, this self-proclaimed Cupid in a Chanel suit is no-nonsense when it comes to the business of “getting people married.” For more info on Janis, check out www.janisspindelmatchmaker.com.
Email this post Email this post
Bookmark and Share

12 Comments »

  • Schadenfreudian says:

    Why so angry? What’s the point?

  • Artist Oranit says:

    For the empty headed perverts who absent mindlessly think that french kissing is STD free, think again.
    Keep your dirty tongue in your mouths. we don’t know you and we don’t want your potentially diseased saliva in ours.
    For the record, no man will ever put their hands on me on the first date. I can’t even imagine any woman who is worth anything letting a guy french kiss her on the first date. How desperate can you be?
    https://www.reuters.com/article/2009/05/12/us-hpv-infection-idUSTRE54B61920090512

  • alvin fels says:

    I believe in going w/the flow. Setting up barriers for making love is the beginning of the end, so uncool. To each his/her own sans pain.

  • Amorosa says:

    You are soooo funny!!!! hehehehe. By the way, I am a woman, I am hookup, and there’s NOTHING better than a good kiss… Oh well, there is, but not on a first date! LOL
    I think a good kiss is perfect ending of a first date… But there must be a good chemistry connection… otherwise any kiss would not be welcomed. (I have turned my face on a couple of them I must say)

    “A kiss is a lovely trick designed to stop speech when words become superfluous.”–Ingrid Bergman

  • Great Kisser says:

    Different strokes for different folks, there’s no handbook to the perfect kiss, everybody likes different things, what makes you the expert on kissing???

  • Rita says:

    Funny but true! jajaajaja

  • hookup_Man says:

    This “first date smooch” crap is strictly out of the movies.

  • Ilana says:

    I’ve got to say that you’ve got a great sense of humor and a terrific sense of what many women probably abhor… I’m not a fan of the French kiss (never was) and you’ve characterized it rather well! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one : )

  • Neil says:

    This just might be the problem with hookup women.. prudes who don’t enjoy the pleasures of the body. What do you want janis, a peck like my bubbie?

  • tiny and cute says:

    wet and sloppy. Horrible!

  • Valena says:

    I believe the word is “exorcise,” not “exercise whatever demon has inhabited your mouth” in The Macarena.

  • Charles Abernathy says:

    The Lizard…
    aka Racetrack!… haha

    Great article…

Leave a comment!

Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

You can use these tags:

This is a Gravatar-enabled weblog. To get your own globally-recognized-avatar, please register at Gravatar.


4 + = 13

Jmag Search
Search now! »
Please enter a zip code.

polls

  • How far would you drive for a first date?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

apartments with washer and dryer hookups

Following the dating blogs, registering on adult Alabama dating web pages and forums, all that aids to locate like minded folks with equivalent interests and raise one s awareness in matters of intimacy. Attractive girls who are into contemporary AL dating, are gathered in this web site database. Blondes and red heads, exotic beauties with black hair, ladies of all ages and physique sorts are waiting for you. If this doubt nonetheless bothers you, just indicate in your profile you aren t interested in sugar dating. Also check twice irrespective of whether a girl is not registered below this search objective. tucson rubratings Aside from the US, the majority of users are from the UK, Canada, Australia and India. If you do not want to download the mobile application on your phone, you may use the website s mobile version. The size of the interface you may perhaps adjust according to your preferences. The primary drawback is that you have to have to scroll up and down all the time to appear at the profiles. Please send us an email at with any queries you may perhaps have. Mobile DeviceIf you use your mobile device to access our Internet websites or download any of our applications, we may gather device data , operating program information, IP address and etc. We collect your geolocation information only with your consent. Purchase Information and facts.To process purchases, we may well demand your name, address, telephone quantity, e mail address and credit card info. Such details is used primarily to method your order or as otherwise described herein. Credit card transactions are processed via sector regular Safe Socket Layer and/or robust encryption by a third celebration, which only makes use of your facts for that purpose. Use of our Web sites and/or its Solutions is governed by our Privacy Policy which is topic to revision from time to time. my hot sexy hookups If you don t really feel like you are ready for that scene just yet, it s a new world out there and there s practically nothing incorrect with on the net dating. If you re looking for a hookup, AFF need to be your go to. There are so many fake dating sites out there and AFF is a single of the most significant, safest names in the market. Set yourself up a profile, state what it is you are searching for and take it from there.