The Biggest Dating Turnoff
There is one dating turnoff that kills more potential relationships than any known to man. Even worse, millions of men across the world are committing this deadly sin every single day. The question is, are you guilty of this mistake?
The sin in question involves men who give up their confident status in order to win over the approval of a female. I am talking about men who give up all their “manliness” in an attempt to make women like them. These are men who become complete pushovers in every aspect of their dating lives. They let the females they are trying to date make every single decision. These men communicate to women that lady in the relationship is always in control, always decides what the couples will do, and will get what she wants no matter what. The man makes it look like he’s letting this happen because he’s a nice guy and he really like the girl.
In my opinion, the only problem with this is that women HATE this type of behavior more than anything. Nothing turns a woman off more than dating a man who turns into a total wuss in an attempt to impress a woman.
The logic behind acting this way is faulty on many levels. Many men think if they act nice enough, do anything a woman wants, and shower her with compliments, their date will eventually surrender emotionally and become attracted to them. This is not how attraction works.
Attraction is something that human beings feel on an unconscious level. We need to make women FEEL this attraction by writing our profiles and emails properly, as well as communicating the right way over the phone, and on our dates with our bodies and words. Trying to convince a woman to feel attracted to us by being super nice and doing everything she wants, will do nothing.
Women are attracted to men who are strong-minded, confident, and know how to take charge when the situation calls for it (as long as these qualities are not taken to overbearing extremes).
Think about the last time you may have made a small mistake with a prospective date. Let’s take a look at an example by analyzing the act of asking a woman out on the phone:
Did you confidently tell your date where you were going to go on your date? Or did you ask her what type of food she prefers and question her about her favorite restaurants?
It’s okay to pry for a little information. After all, we don’t want to take a woman who is a vegetarian to a steak house! Still, once you have a little bit of info, just make the decision.
You need to get in the habit of making decisions, taking charge, and showing confidence. Guys who completely give up their status for women will never build the attraction they want. And even if the girl does still go out with you, the respect and level of attraction will never be as high as it could be! The process of being successful all begins with learning to build attraction.
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You couldn’t be more right about this article Joshua. Guys ALWAYS ruin things when they start moving the relationship to fast. Just find a happy medium!
Wow! Thanks Joshua for this lovely and great dating tips. If is really very grateful to me.
Sadly, this has no logic. Why would someone try to act as some inconsiderable jerk and hope to gain the attraction of a woman and her desire to be in a partnership? “My way, or highway…” my former(!) boyfriend was used to saying. I could never understand why would someone demonstrate so bluntly his lacking logic that calls for the cooperation and respect, in order to make any partnership work, especially a close relationship. After reading this post, I only wonder, if that was the same type of attitude about asserting the wimpy male ego. Contrary, a truly confident man has a lot to “give up” in his comfort zone and turn it into “a comfort zone for both”. A real partner-to-be does not feel hurt by allowing a woman to make the described choices for dining, not to mention – other more important choices that may follow, if she would feel comfortable to move forward. The described advise simply reveals the need to work on boosting the self-image and self-esteem of a guy, who needs to grow up and turn into a reasonable man from a tantrum-ruled baby-boy.
Although this sounds a bit brainy, practically speaking, this comes down to being a noble gentleman. It is easier, if a guy is brought up this way with the habits that are different from caveman mentality, following the father model. But, I think that through conscious persistent effort, this can become a second nature for someone, who is trying to evolve.
The well-known “commit the random acts of kindness” or “do a mitzvah” is another way of heading the right direction. Positive change is refreshing and helps building new brain neurons, if enough challenge is mastered. Don’t give up on your personal growth – keep trying, yes, it can be done! Be fearless of the positive change!
Like the above comment, Alina, and could not agree more. We are attracted to confidence in a man, yes. But I think the columnist confuses confidence and the ability to be decisive and take charge on occasion with …. plain old lack of consideration/selfishness. The latter (failure to ask a woman what she’s in the mood for, what type of food she would like, if there’s any place she has been wanting to go, etc.) is a red flag for me. It is all too common on today’s dating scene and right up there with asking a woman out for “drinks” – at the dinner hour (do men think we don’t eat?) If you don’t want to commit to dinner on a first date, it’s much more considerate to ask a woman for after-work drinks or coffee in the afternoon, not at 8pm. (The latter being an hour we would typically not be all “put together,” especially on a weeknight). That’s the sort of thing you would expect a man to realize, but unfortunately, too many don’t. To me, it is comparable to accepting an early date with a man you aren’t sure yet if you are truly interested in, ordering the most expensive thing on the menu, and barely eating. It is inconsiderate and rude.
I think I know what he’s getting at, however; it’s a turnoff to both men and women when individuals seem to have no opinions or wants of their own, sort of like the kid who, when asked what she or he wants to do, consistently says, “whatever you want to do.” That is a turnoff because it places the entire responsibility of driving the plans/relationship onto you and reflects a lack of confidence.
But that kind of wishy washiness is distinct from genuine consideration for another human being–something which is always a turn on, and in fact, as Alina states, a requirement for any successful long-term relationship.
Personally, I’d love for the next man who asks me out to ask, “What kind of food do you like?’”
or “Are there any restaurants you’ve been wanting to try?” He doesn’t have to agree to my first choice, but it would be nice to have the discussion.
Columnist is way off base! (Too many typos or grammatical errors, too!) It’s always nice to be asked about dining and date preferences!! A weak male? No. . . Considerate!
Notice who all of the above comments are from. WOMEN.
Women are always giving destructive advice. Meanwhile when they get put in these situations they act differently then they think they would.
And the few women that don’t are rare. Not to sound mean or anything but only certain types of women act this way. WHen you get older though its a different story.