Who Dares To Doubt Joshua Pompey?!
Who Dares To Doubt Joshua Pompey?!
Today, I would like to write an article in response to a little debate that was occurring in regards to an article I previously wrote for JMag.
In this article, I discussed why having a great profile filled with humor is critical to successfully meeting women online.
My argument is that women naturally love humor, and that this is a highly attractive quality. In my opinion, and through tons of experience, humor not only has a tendency to make women have stronger feelings of attraction towards you, but shows women that you will make for an entertaining date, and at the bare minimum, she won’t be bored if she goes out with you on a harmless date.
The feedback?
A slight debate arose, but I would like to focus on the response of one person in particular that did not agree at all with what I said.
This person enthusiastically argued that at the end of the day, no matter how funny a person is, beautiful women will always choose the better looking guys who are probably boring and not as funny.
This is simply not true (in most cases) and I felt the topic was worth talking about in another article, considering I have helped countless men who come to me for help attract women online. Especially because my advice focuses specifically on the guys out there who are just “regular” looking.
Allow me to dissect this.
For starters, one of the most important qualities that will help men attract women is being extremely confident and appearing as if you are someone who women should want to date in any possible way.
Confidence can’t be faked, plain and simple. This is why I advise men to get a fresh haircut, new clothes, hit the gym, and work on their feelings of self worth before proceeding with online dating.
With that said, if someone is going into a date with the feeling of, “women will just choose the better looking guys anyway,” this means that he or she is going into the date with the assumption that he or she is going to fail.
Whether this is a conscious thought at the forefront of the person’s mind, or merely a backdrop in the recesses of his mind, these feelings are there nonetheless. And women can pick up on this. It shows a lack of confidence, and the dater will appear as if he is trying to “win” the interest of the female, when what he really should be doing is going into the date feeling as if he is a prize that she should be winning over herself!
Secondly, and more importantly, dating is extremely tough. And this is an understatement.
Once upon a time before I became an expert at dating I would go on dates, be nice, “funny,” and do everything “right.”
Nobody would EVER call me back.
So what did I do? I couldn’t make sense of the situation, so I assumed it was my looks. If I was nice, funny, and doing things right, then it had to be looks, right?
Wrong.
It wasn’t until years later that I realized I was an awful date. I came across as overly nice, generic, just like every guy, and wasn’t really being nearly as funny as I thought I was.
In hindsight everything is clear. Back then however, I was just bitter and angry!
My point is, dating takes a ton of practice, and you need to learn all the skills. Any time you leave a date and the woman doesn’t return a call, it’s not her fault, it’s yours! That’s right, EVERY time!
If you were great at dating, you would have captured her interest. Period.
So don’t always assume women will leave you for the first good-looking guy. It’s not true. Just look on the streets at the hundreds of mismatched couples that you see walking every single day for further proof!
Joshua Pompey has helped “regular guys” all over the world meet women with the help of his online dating guide. For more free information on online dating and methods to help you attract women online, be sure to visit Joshua Pompey’s website.
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I am a youthful 75. (A birthday card to me was: “75 and still a boy!”) My sexy girlfriend of 66 dumped me after a whirlwind seven months, having picked me up on an organized tour and promptly dumped her then current boy-friend. She decided she was bored and my lack of an “outgoing personality” was the cause. However, by her own admission she said we had SO much in common and what to talk about. She thought so much about my looks, both facial and body, that she said on one occasion: “Don’t you sometimes look in the mirror and say – What a great looking guy!” or even – “Don’t you ever think of being a film star?”
What I am trying to say, my looks were obviously paramount in her feelings for seven months, and then my purported boring personality got to her. I am suggesting that the boredom was more HER problem, and my looks which were so good for her, were suddenly subordinated.
Make of this what you will.
i have so much to share about this topic!
Online dating cannot be compared to meeting someone in real life! AT ALLLL!!!…..I’ve skimmed the comments but I have A.D.D (another issue with online dating). NO one wants to sit there and read long generic profiles. The problem with online dating is that it makes you SOOOO much more shallow than you really are in person. Its so easy to just move onto the next profile looking for the next best thing. With that being said here are my thoughts on what to say/not say and what pics to put or not put up.
Firstly, make your profiles concise but try giving a glimpse of what your actual personality is. Be very free, relaxed, do not mention your issues with dating, dont say “you’ve never done this before” and please please dont say “you’re looking to make new friends.” women overanalyze EVERYTHING and that automatically means to us that you are looking to just hook up bc if you want “friends”, stick to facebook! I can keep going and going about things to include/disclude bc you will be so surprised how something can be completely misconscrewed (hmmm, maybe I should start a online dating profile consulting company…i digress)
Looks do matter, more than being funny, rich, successful, WHATEVER!. Just as much as they matter for men! With that being said, I think men and women should invest time and even maybe some money and have nice pictures taken. Theres all kinds of iphone apps for that these days anyway. If you want to win, you have to come with your best foot forward. if you are going to post half-ass pics than you are going to get a half-off response. Please, I beg you….no matter how good you look with your shirt off, just keep it on in ALL your pics.
I honestly think men should concentrate more on what to say in that opening message more so than their actual profiles. Number ONE mistake ALLLLL men make is asking a woman to “meet up”, “drinks”, “coffee” before you even know her name or asking her any questions. If you are not the best looking guy, than you are going to have to be witty, charming, and you’re going to have to make the effort to know her, and have her invest time, energy before you actually meet so she’s not so quick to move on to the next one.
Hey everyone!
Just checking in on the debate and I’m glad to see so much interesting discussion going back and forth. I’m seeing some highly intellectual, introspective, and thought provoking comments which is amazing to see.
Mark, you have articulated some extremely interesting and valuable points which I hope every male takes the time to read.
And cool breeze, you are one of the lucky guys out there who after a while, just “gets it.” Great job man! I used to be that guy in the beginning as well once upon a time. Glad to hear the progress.
Keep up the great debate, and lets hear from some more women!
Ever heard of MoJo?
Women are not as attracted by either looks or humour as self-confidence and a sense of self-worth. The human female has evolved to search for a male that possesses two main qualities: good hunter and good warrior. The hunter will provide for the children and the warrior will protect the clan. Modern-day equivalents are found in a variety of ways, including the “bad-boy” attitude mentioned above as well as job, wealth, possessions, looks, humour etc. But those are just the veneer of what the woman needs. All women need men in their lives, even those whose sexual orientation is homosexual, and they all choose men who fulfill the role of either protector (confidant, non-threatening, self-assured, agreeable) or hunter (wealthy, giving, caring, clever, well-educated, strong -and this can be faked by guys who take on an attitude of “couldn’t give a damn”- or even just a great lover) defined as somebody they can feel confidant about taking care of them. Even after they have passed the age of child-bearing, their mate-seeking drive will search for the same qualities.
A guy’s looks or sense of humour are irrelevant. The men who score most with women are neither of these, and reducing the score to one of the two is misleading.
So where do looks and humour come into the picture? Guys who are MoJo possessed are freer to joke and make light conversation. No matter what a man’s appearance is, the MoJo takes over and makes him attractive and interesting to a woman, because the eye she sees him with is more ancient and compelling than modern dress and a good haircut could ever be. MoJo men are more dangerous becuse they smile with interest in their eyes and without fear. MoJo men know women want them, even when the women don’t know it yet. They love women and they love being the hunter even in forming their relationships. MoJo men are on the lookout for women who will create the relationship between them because as much as women have an ancient drive to perpetuate the species, so do men. MoJo men are more likely to leave a woman if the woman starts to take the relationship for granted and stops creating it for them.
Conversely, MoJo men will do anything for a woman who constantly creates the relationship, including, as warriors do from time to time, become wealthy, world leaders, even gladly die for her. (A Side Note: Unfortuately, a great many women don’t understand this, and as much as they need their men, are eventually doomed to lose them through lack of attention to the relationship. Invariably, such women will blame the men for the loss.)
Jake I am a realist, globalism is a plague, women’s lib had gone too far ( ie Kim Kardashian) Also many American women make mistakes (ie Whitney Huston, Britney spears) contrary to the media and popular beliefs women are not saints, we live in a highly competitive environment , in dating ages there are more men than women, aggregate data from 2010 census.
In all of my travels and living In a different country for three years I have learned to move away from self hatred and self dought. I have dated models and wonderful women outside of this country. If I could find stable work there I would never return to the us.
I have an attractive face and average body , average height, great conversationalist , self employed , I took classes like feminist theory and women in western religion in college. Women are prejudice primordial instincts to find a provider, environmental pressures to look for perfection and in some cases primed by their parents to marry a certain kind. In addition modern society leaves little time for love, strenuous working hours , over socialization ( ie girls nights out) ….. I know I am no where near perfect but I am a realist.
I am happy for you and your success , are the women you are dating attractive ?
Jonathon
I’m an average guy looking guy that does extremely well online. Not for nothing, but you sound like one of those angry dudes that is probably awful with women and blames the whole world for his problems. Look in the mirror at the inside of you not the outside, it all starts there.
I think looks are everything! If a guy is very good looking and his personality isn’t too good the woman will overlook his personality. If a woman goes on two dates with two different guys both with great personalities the woman will choose to go out with the guy who is better looking! Looks are the first thing a woman sees before the guy even starts talking to her. It doesn’t matter how good your personality is if a woman doesn’t like how you look on the outside she could reject you! Everywhere I go women just stare at me and stare at me and whisper things about me behind my back!
EC that sounds like a description of who you think you are and how you think you act which may be true but represents an extremely small subsection
In my opinion, being a woman myself, women tend to be more drawn to the substance of a potential date’s character than to looks alone. Looks do play a role in a woman’s attraction to someone, but not nearly as much as they do for men. A sense of humor is incredibly attractive, so is clear communication and an explicit sense of compassion. Women want to be with a partner who cares at least as much about his fellow as he does himself… And we can tell by what you choose to share in your self descriptions.
I tend to agree. I think self worth and attitude go a long way. I am new to online dating and my first few attempts were unsuccessful. No 2nd dates for me. Not the ladies fault, mine.
I too came across as overly nice, generic and wasn’t really being funny. I was very nervous and was on my best behavior, which made me uptight annd very boring I guess.
I started to think about how I had acted and what I had said and realized that I needed to relax and not worry so much about what they thought about me and just be myself. If I could do this, they would get to know the real me, not some overly cautious nice guy.
I am an average guy with an average body and average looks. I don’t have fancy clothes or a lot of money But I do exude confidence and self worth and knowledge of what I want. I am very comfortable with myself. I know that my self confidence allows me to be myself and just take the entire date more lightly now. I am able to relax and speak freely and let my natual humor come out and make them laugh and see that I am not like all the other guys and I am a fun guy to be around. This has been working and I am having lots of fun and getting many 2nd dates now. Now the women call me and text me and want to spend time with me.
So to all you average looking guys, be self confident and relax. Have fun, meet new people and Ms. Right will find her way to you.
I am also in agreement with Jimbo. Women generally like men with a little edge to them. I think, in their primordial psyche it means “vitality” to them. But with that edge comes all sorts of trouble. We find them being abused and going back over and over again to the abusive man while leaving perfectly good men without a mate. Like clockwork…treat them with disrespect, they keep coming back…even apologizing. The most salient example is Whitney Houston, Sandra Bullock, Kim Basinger etc (sorry I don’t know the private lives of female hookup celebrities).
Paradoxically, as women approach menopause, they begin to think a little more practically. They will prefer an accomplished wealthy man over an edgy good looking bum….but it will be too late for most men who want to procreate. The big singles scene in the hookup community has become very successful in bringing sexually motivated Jews together but marriage is still scarce. They have created comfortable “singles lifestyle” so much so that there is no longer any incentive to get married, until women wake up one day to find they are 45 years old and their marriageability to the demographic of choice has plummeted to zero.
Today we have a breed of hookup women who want to live lives they see in Hollywood only to find that those lives are not reality. But it’s too late when they realize it. What about the hookup men? Yes, they have issues too but those issues don’t handicap them as much because they are not the nest builders, women are. So a 55 yr old single hookup man still has a good shot at marrying a 25 yr old Russian or Ukranian girl and create a family. Unfortunately the 55 yr old hookup woman generally cannot.
It depends alot on the individual woman what she is attracted to. It is also true that they may not even understand what it is about a man that turns them on. Looks are one factor, Confidence is another, Humor is also on the list. Some women finds intelligence compelling, but not to the point where the man is out of step with the rest of the world. However, the man’s financial standing makes him a better contender when combined with other characteristics. A man who is financialy able will feel more confident and will be seen as a more complete person. This often works subconsciously and may be denied on the surface. Any of these factors can be taken to far. A man who is excessively focused on his appearance can be sen as narcissistic. Putting undue emphasis on material worth can also be conceived as being overly materialistic. One factor that has not been mentioned is being caring without being a pushover or considered needy.
or you are using this article and message board as a means of free publicity, in attempt to look like you are “playing the part”, just like those guys who sell the videos, mystermethod, the game, PUA…
Interesting article, confidence and humor can only get you so far. Women look for different things for different situations. Women looking for hookups generally look for taller, muscular, large penis size, full head of hair, long jaw line, funny… etc. As a former owner of a nightlife company I was able to analyze who went home with who. The only short, over weight and bad looking guys getting laid were filthy rich.
When women are looking for potential long term relationships they are willing to look less at the physical and more at the mental and financial. Considering todays society where many women have jobs and in many cases men do not or women have higher paying jobs, financial issues leave a lot of men lonely. In most cases professional women do not or would not date a man making less than her unless he is really good looking.
Within the hookup culture, young women have been primed for years my their mothers and grandmothers to find a tall hookup doctor. Many hookup women if not all will not settle for anything less (with the exception of the orthodox).
I cannot tell you how many times I have been called too short , too hairy, too fat (when I was over weight). In different countries women are not as picky and prejudice as in America, the media, our culture or lack there of are to blame.
On the Internet you can browse millions of female profiles and they are all looking for nearly the same thing. Taller, financially stable, independent, healthy familial relationships, they are looking for a man who will be ok if they go out with their friends, get tipsy and make out with another guy because they want you to be secure.
So my friend I feel like you get lucky and are totally dissolution ed,
I did this experiment on Frumster a few years ago. I am an illustrious and accomplished doctor and my profile is pretty good after a couple of years of vetting and refining. I would get perhaps 2 to 3 hits per week. One day I decided to change my photo and replace it with a photo of a model that came with new picture frame. The within a day I was getting 10 hits per day. This amazed me because I had grown up believing that looks are not as important to women as money….but looks may be even more important to women than to men.
One thing is guaranteed …women have no use for nice guys. Sad but, true ! Women love bad boys….sure they suffer but, they love every minute !