In the wonderful world of dating, there are those women who feel that men have it easy and women get the short end of the stick. Then there are those men who feel that romance is a woman’s world and that men get el shafto grando (Okay, so Spanish wasn’t my best subject in school).
When our overtures fail, we’re the ones who crawl back to our corners, beaten and rejected, licking our wounds.
Count me among the grando shafto guys. Why? Because it’s all about the woman. Because we’re gentlemen. Because we like to be polite. Because we do nice things to butter you up. Oops, I wasn’t supposed to say that. Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.
It doesn’t take an Einstein to realize that women hold the keys to the romance kingdom. Right from the start, the burden for being proactive falls on us guys. 99% of the time, we must make the first move, figure out the right things to say, the right time to say them, and the right way to say them. Plus, we bear the full risk of failure. All women need to do is say “yes” or “no.” What a burden, the power to choose! When our overtures fail, we’re the ones who crawl back to our corners, beaten and rejected, licking our wounds.
Once the dating has progressed, women are the only gender to know whether an evening will “get physical” or not. Men hope it will, boast to their buddies it will, and use all their powers of persuasion to convince the woman it will – but in the end, it’s her decision. Now, that’s power.
Shall we talk economics? I can sum it up in three words: the guy pays—the flowers, the restaurant, the movie tickets, the gifts, and the parking. Oh, sure, there are women who pay. In fact, I believe there are approximately eleven of them in the known universe. But generally, men are the ones who take the financial hit. Is that fair? No. Is that expected? Yes. Will women think less of a man and share tales of his cheapness with their girlfriends if he even hesitates to pick up the whole tab? You bet. Once again, advantage: women.
Shall we talk economics? I can sum it up in three words: the guy pays.
And somehow, the whole Victorian mindset about women being delicate flowers who should be protected from any physical exertion has continued into the 21st Century. A man opens a woman’s car door, restaurant door, and nightclub door so she need never even touch a handle. Why? If you find out, please let me know. Perhaps it should be the other way around, with the woman opening doors for the man while he reaches into his wallet to (once again) tip the parking attendant. Alas, no. In fact, women often take advantage of their “delicate” nature vs. our “great big manly strength” to request that we take out the garbage, get heavy boxes down from the attic, or lift the back end of the car so you can free the bicycle messenger you just ran over. And we do it all, unquestioningly. Because, at the end of the day, we are completely under your spell.
Did I mention that women generally outlive men, can charm their way out of traffic tickets, are constantly being offered seats on the bus, free perfume samples in department stores, and free admission to various nightspots?
No wonder some men have sex-change operations – they want in on the good life.
Mark Miller has written for TV, movies and celebrities, done stand-up comedy, and been a humor columnist for the Los Angeles Times Syndicate.
But he says he’d trade all his success away in a second for immortality and limitless wealth. He can be reached at [email protected].
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