Lose Your List… And Date More!
When you’re dating, especially online dating, most people have a long list of qualities they’re looking for in a partner. You want someone perfect – or pretty close to perfect. However, that search for perfection means you may not be open-minded or adventurous when it comes to meeting someone new. Have you ever thought about all the great people out there who aren’t everything on your list? Your list may actually be holding you back from true love. Here are a few tips to help you lose your list, date more, and, hopefully, find love!
1. Give People A Chance
Your soul mate could be (and hopefully is!) a wonderful person who is kind, caring, compassionate, and perfect for you. But if you have a specific checklist in mind, and they aren’t everything on it, you won’t ever meet them. Step out of your comfort zone and give someone new a chance.
2. Be More Open-Minded
Successful dating is all about being open-minded. If you gave up your list, you would date more – in fact, a lot more. I’m not suggesting you should lower your standards and meet someone who repulses you. However, it’s not reasonable to expect your partner to be perfect. You have to be realistic with your expectations. You could be passing up on someone fabulous because they don’t match your list to a tee. Try something new and go out with someone you wouldn’t normally be open to dating.
3. Say Bye Bye to Your Checklist
Banish that checklist of yours that is limiting your dating life. When you have a list of specific qualities you’re looking for in a partner, you aren’t open to dating different kinds of people. Your soul mate could have 8 out of 10 qualities you want in someone, but if you don’t eliminate your checklist, you won’t be giving yourself an opportunity to meet them!
Remember, by meeting new people, you’re opening yourself up to new love!
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Only one comment? I thought what I left would be more incendiary.
Bianca, I have sent 200 e-mails (not flirts). Eight women responded via e-mail. I have been on one date. I would bet everything I own that women send very few e-mails to men. I would bet that women wait for the most part for men to contact them. They then go through their list and weed out the ones that will not get to ride. (see previous posting)
I cannot count how many woman I have been disqualified from because of some silly trait they are looking that I do not possess. This is why I wrote the previous post. Men have very few qualifiers to date you, Monica. We cannot because we have to contact lots of women because we know women have lots of qualifiers.
Also men look at a profile differently than women. A women looks at a profile and tries to figure out why she shouldn’t date a man. A man looks at a profile and tries to figure out why he should date this woman. I know this because I have lots of friends. We have discussed this aspect in dating in great detail.
I will finish with this … I have two brothers: one is 6′ and never, ever had any issues with finding women to date. The other is 5’4″. The brother whom is 5’4″ had no end of problems finding women to date him. He went through huge dry spells. That was until he found a woman who had decided to go on dates with any man whom asked her. In other words she threw out her list. A little about her: she is taller than him, she is extremely attractive, she went on 45 dates in 60 days. She chose my brother because he was the only man whom was interested in her.
I asked her recently (after I wrote the previous post) prior to my brother, what were you looking for in men. She then spat out a list of traits that were not anything resembling my brother. Height, physical strength, and male attractiveness (subjective) were at the top of the list.
Throw out your list, date more, and you will stop being a ride and start being a woman.
You are right. However……lose your list ladies….is one-sided. Same thing goes for men. Honestly, most men I have dated, are hooked on the same idiotic idea of that ideal woman. So what, it just shows me they are not for me.
In the end it is all about that smile, the connection, the true willingness to find a good person. Ignore the ones that are looking for show, man or woman.
Yes Absolutely loose your list ladies. There are a lot of great guys, whom you are overlooking.
Case in point – I went to Club Getaway in August. On the bus ride from NYC there was a woman I was interested in. She was walking up and down the isles and talking to a good number of the people. This is someone whom would be good for me because I am also a social butterfly.
I called her over. She started to talk to me. She was standing and I was sitting. Then I made a huge mistake … I stood up. You see I am 5’7″. She was at least 5’7″. Within 15 seconds of me standing up, she left and went to find other people to talk to.
I wouldn’t have minded but she ignored me the entire trip. Since we were on a trip together, I would see her off and on throughout the weekend. ALL OF THE GUYS SHE WAS INTERESTED IN WERE 6′ or taller. At the tail end of the trip I spoke to one of her friends and was told her only dates tall men.
If this was the first time this has happened I would not be writing about it. I met my parents for diner last night. They told me that the new people whom moved into the empty condo down the hall from them have a daughter a little younger than me and she is single. According to my Mother, she started talking me up to the parents. My Mother said that when she broached the subject of the two “children” meeting, her mother said, “She only dates tall men”.
… because of this practice ladies, I have had to work harder to find dates. This means that I have developed skills and traits that woman are supposed to really like:
1) self-starter.
2) ridiculously funny
3) cooking
4) in shape – I work out 4 times a week. This is me time.
5) great listener
6) great talker
7) confident
I can go on.
This is the one trait I know is almost ALWAYS on a woman’s list. I do not know how many profile read which lists height as a requirement to date her. It is really quite sad because every time I see the height requirement … I flash to being a kid, wanting to ride a ride at the amusement park but can’t because of the sign that says, “You need to be this tall to ride this ride”.
Ladies if you have a list, you are like a ride at an amusement park … and you wonder why guys don’t stay with you? It is because men know if they fit into your narrow list traits, there will be other rides at the amusement park … whom they qualify to ride.