For many single men and women, New Year’s Eve can be one of the toughest nights of the year. While technically speaking it is just another night, symbolically, New Year’s Eve is so much more. This is the one dreadful night of the year where single men and women are forced to reflect upon all that is missing in their lives, especially when it comes to love and relationships.

Sure, we can try to avoid the New Year’s Eve parties where we are forced to watch happy couples embrace with a midnight kiss. However, even if we decide to stay home to avoid this inevitably awkward midnight moment, it is nearly impossible to block out the realization that we are home alone. In fact, it can be downright depressing to not do anything when you know half the world is out partying and having a good time.

As frustrating as this night can be, we will all live to see another day, and we can use the New Year as a time for symbolic re-birth in our love lives. January 1st is the day we wipe the slate clean and put all the bad dates, mistakes, and failures of the previous year behind us. This is the day we find that special someone and get back on the path to success.

Sound like a plan? Not so fast. The very definition of insanity is making the same mistakes over and over, and expecting different results. The greatest epidemic I see propagating the singles scene is that a large percentage of us have an inability for self-reflection when it comes to the mistakes we make in our love lives.

So, my advice this coming New Year is to make the process of self-reflection a number one priority above anything else in your life. It’s time to get real and honest with who we are, and what we need to improve. Here are five ways to do just that:

1. Analyze every detail of the emails you have been sending and receiving over the past year. The ability to save conversations online is one of the biggest advantages to online dating. When meeting others in “real life,” we are only left with a memory of where we might have done well — and where we think we failed. Online, we have all the answers right at our fingertips to study and interpret. Take advantage!
2. Take a look at your online dating profile and see what needs to be changed, altered, and improved. Then have your friends take a look, and when they finish looking, have a few more friends take a look. A wide array of input is always useful so don’t be shy. Heck, I’ve analyzed profiles of men who told me they received more messages in one month than in an entire year just by fixing two or three minor, but deadly mistakes I helped them to see.
3. Think about how to present yourself in the best light possible. Assess your personal style and the clothes you wear. Do they fit you properly? Do they show off your best features? Do they make you feel confident? If not, find a friend whose personal style you admire and ask them to take you shopping ASAP!
4. Recall past conversations you’ve had on first dates. Be completely honest with yourself and think about how interested your dates really seem. Are they genuinely laughing a lot? Or laughing to be polite? Are they checking their watch? Do they make excuses as to why they have to leave early? If so, come up with a plan to present yourself in a more positive way.
5. Ask others their honest opinion of how you come across in different social situations. Ask them to tell you what you can improve, no matter how much the truth may hurt. Press them to be honest until they cave and get real with you. Your friends can share new information and ideas. You can also get help from reading as much as possible from online resources and dating experts. Experiment with the advice of others (some will work for you and some will not). All and all, learn to grow.

As I stated before, the idea of trying the same things over and over, and expecting different results, is the definition of insanity. If you want to find love in your life, and haven’t found success in the past, it’s time to be proactive and make some changes. This New Year’s, take the necessary steps towards finding success.

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