Is Your Appearance Sending The Wrong Signals?
Every now and then, the boys and I like to venture out and pick up women in “real life.” Sometimes I just can’t help but laugh when I overhear women telling my friends how cute or sexy they are. The reason I laugh is because some of the guys I hang around are far from the great looking (sorry boys, I owe you a round)! These guys are short (5’5’’), skinny (stick-figure style), pale (almost sickly), you get the idea. Still, women are not mocking them when they are calling them sexy. They actually think these guys are attractive.
Why? Because clothes and grooming habits can have a tremendous effect on a person’s overall appearance. Any man can make himself desirable to women by putting together the right appearance. A well-put together look shows:
- Individuality
- Signs of social awareness
- Power
- Confidence
- The ability to take care of oneself, as well as others
- And so much more
The above examples are all factors that contribute to women feeling an attraction towards men. In my opinion, women typically feel attraction towards men mainly due to our personality traits, not our looks. The good news is, all of this can be translated to the online dating world through the photos we choose to upload on our online profiles. What this means for you is that you need to show your internal personality through your pictures in order to help the emails you send stand a chance!
Fashion and grooming are just one of many, many ways to achieve sex appeal in your pictures (the rest will have to wait for another time)! If we put together the right appearance (an appearance that hits on the qualities women are attracted to), then the look you’re born with really isn’t all that important.
But what happens if we not only don’t take advantage of the benefits our pictures could provide, but we also completely ignore our appearance by wearing outdated clothes and grooming less often than we should? Something as simple as a poorly-trimmed beard may cause women to think:
- We are lazy
- We can’t take care of ourselves (and consequently won’t be able to take care of them one day)
- We might lack ambition in life
- We are socially unaware
- We are bad at making choices
Obviously all of these thoughts may not be conscious, or at the forefront of a woman’s mind when looking at your pictures, but these are still the signals you are sending about yourself.
We must ultimately remember, men are very lucky. We have many ways to make ourselves extremely attractive to women… if we play our hand correctly. Take advantage of these assets, or you will be missing out loads of opportunities.
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Very good article/post, Joshua. I always thought there should be a “finishing school” for hookup men (myself included at times.)
I’m not interested enough to put the time Jeremy puts into “keeping up” but I understand how important appearance can be. I understand, that you probably enjoy it and more power to you!
I shortcut this process. When I meet a women who seems to have a good sense in men’s fashions make and she makes comments about my appearance, I get the hint that it’s time for my every decade fashion update. I invite her to take me shopping.
I did that about three months ago and after a $1,000 spree on shirts, pants, shorts, including a $135 pair of sandals (huh?) I’m good for the next 10 years.
I’ve never had a woman turn down the suggestion. In fact, they usually are thrilled to do it and even want to bring a friend. That’s what happened this year. So, an afternoon of suffering through a dozen stores I’m pretty happy with what they’ve come up with. Even liking the new look.
Ben
Maybe what’s sexy is pretty much different for all of us. I’ve always been attracted to thin women, and for the life of me couldn’t say why?
GQ is defintely a great way to go. Its also important realize that not everyone will look good in the same style. The best ideas are to find what works personally for you then go all out with updating the wardrobe.
I used to follow advice much the same as Joshua’s. The result? I kept meeting women who were profoundly incompatible with me.
The key, I think, is Joshua’s own statement that “you need to show your internal personality through your pictures in order to help the emails you send stand a chance!”
But since, in real life, I am neither ambitious nor fastidiously groomed nor keen to project “power,” putting on my one suit, shaving twice and visiting the barber only projected a false image. I met various ambitious, fashionable, image-conscious women whose interests and values I found to be profoundly at odds with my own.
So yes—be very careful about the image projected in the photos you post. But be careful that they do indeed suggest your “internal personality”, not some contemporary fantasy of what’s considered attractive or manly.
Just keep tabs on GQ, Esquire, and similar magazines and their websites to stay current and get good ideas …
This are some pretty good points Joshua. Sometimes I get kind of lazy when it comes to putting myself together. It does make a lot of sense when you consider some of the men you see out that aren’t so great looking but just seem to have that extra special something going on with their look. Any advice on specific clothes just an ordinary 30 year old guy should wear?