Peed Off
by JeremySpoke
under Single Life
So, most of the time, in most developing to developed countries, adults work outside of the realm of toddlers peeing on them. I’m not saying that this is true everywhere. There are certainly some places where all professionals must have at least one child urinate on them before lunch. I know that sometimes, I just am not myself until some kid pees all over me. Some people swear by coffee. For me, it’s some good ammonia in my lap.
Okay, I got peed on during one day out of over a hundred days while working in an elementary school. It wasn’t really that bad because it was close to the end of the day, and once the day is over, no matter what has happened, I always smell like a mixture of sweat, blood, milk, and urine. So this day wasn’t any different.
However, today was the first day of orientation at my new job. I quickly noticed children not constantly spitting in my face and telling me that they hate me. Almost nobody told me that my parents hated me because I looked stupid. Did the children have some sort of sensory device that could detect subtleties about myself that adults simply don’t have? What is this civility? I’ve never seen a place like this before. Please, woman sitting in the front of the office answering a telephone, tell me of this quiet place I’ve suddenly walked into and what you’ve done with all of the children.
So, I have a calmer job. And it pays a little more so I can maybe one day move into my own place. First, though, I need a reason to have my own place. Get in line, ladies.
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