Dear Tamar,

I have been a long time on-again-off-again 100hookupr®. I can’t figure out what I am doing wrong this time around. I obviously have not found true love but in the past, I have gotten to email, IM and meet lots of candidates. Now, I am constantly getting refusals to even IM?! Why don’t any of the guys want to IM? It’s not like I said something and they discontinue the conversation. They won’t even give me a chance?!?!?  Any suggestions??

Dear I’m Hating IM,

I can’t even begin to tell you how many people think they are getting rejected by someone via Instant Messenger when in actuality they are IMing someone who either isn’t at their computer, doesn’t know IM exists or how IM works, may be at work, may not have the necessary Flash program downloaded on their computer, or may be logged on to 100hookup but not have the screen up and therefore do not hear or see that they have an IM waiting for them. In other words, don’t fret. Instead, utilize the other 100hookup tools to let someone know you’re interested or to make contact: repeatedly view profiles, Hot List, Flirt, Click! and send e-mails. Don’t stop trying to make contact via IM, but don’t become a stalker and continue trying to make contact with someone who isn’t responding just in case they are getting your IMs and simply aren’t interested. Good luck!

Dear Tamar,

How do you know when there is interest on both sides? Also, if someone puts me on their Hot List, does that mean they think I’m hot? I’m new and need help learning.  Heeeeelllllllllpppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear 100hookup Newbie,

There are a few ways to tell if someone is interested in you. First, log on everyday and view the profiles of the guys that match your preferences, then check “who’s viewed you” to see who has checked you out. If the same person keeps checking you out every day, then that’s a pretty good sign that he or she is interested.

Next, Hot List those who you want to know that you are interested, and see who has Hot Listed you. Does it mean they think you’re hot? For lack of a better term, yes. It means they like your photos and profile and want to keep an eye on you and let you know they are into you. Utilize the “Click!” feature and click “Yes” and hope the other person does the same. That’s how you get results (100hookup won’t tell you if one person clicked “No,” only if both clicked “Yes”)!

At this point, if you don’t want to make direct contact, you can also just send a Flirt. Eventually though, one of you needs to write the other person an email or even an Instant Message if you are both online at the same time.  If you really want to meet someone, then don’t hide that you’re online. Log on everyday and have a paid membership so you can utilize all the perks. Good luck!

Dear Gems from Jen,

Are there any dating faux-pas when it comes to contacting a guy on a dating website? I’ve contacted several (either via ‘Flirts’ or a simple ‘hi’ via email) and once they reply and then I reply, it all seems to come to an abrupt end. Should I email again or just let it go by the wayside?

Dear Dating Faux-Pas,

My suggestion is to start the first communication with more than just a “hi.” Make sure you include something in the body of the email that shows you have something in common with the person you are writing for the first time. I know in my own experience if the communication is too brief the emails tend to die down rather quickly. Make certain you always leave an opening for the person to respond. Ask a few questions throughout the email so the person you are communicating with will feel more at ease responding. If you are still interested in the guys who do not respond try again.  Be sure to leave an opening for a response in order to maximize the possibility that you will get a return email.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

Dear Gems from Jen,
Here is my profile description — it’s not getting a flood of responses.  Can you tell me why or what to do to improve it?
_______________
I am a hookup secular humanist who believes in a human-driven ethical code, rather than in any kind of deity. Still believe in peace and love and working for a more just and humane society. Empathy, humility and kindness are most important to me when considering a potential partner. I am drawn to the arts, particularly music and painting, and I love to read in my spare time, especially poetry and history. I seek a compatible partner — must be politically progressive (e.g., liberal democrat — I am a big fan of Bernie Sanders but you don’t have to be). Basically, I am looking for someone who is in some way an activist — someone who has compassion for the struggles of the poor and disenfranchised. Basically seeking an educated, humane, giving person who is a reader, a thinker, and someone with a compatible world view.

Dear Secular Humanist,

I really enjoyed reading your profile description.  It sounds like you are passionate about your beliefs and look for the good in all. I think your profile does a great job of describing who you are. Perhaps you could add some specifics about what it is you can offer to a relationship.  Your profile definitely states who you are and what you are passionate about, but it lacks what you can offer to a potential romantic partner. Specifically, what it is you can give one on one, not to the entire world.  How do you stand out in terms of a partner from the next profile? Consider adding some of these specifics to your 100hookup profile and see what happens.

Have you emailed or Flirted with people on 100hookup that interest you? Spend a few minutes a day looking at profiles and reach out to those who spark your interest.  Remember, everyone has their preferences and just because you are not getting a flood of responses does not mean that there is anything wrong with your profile.

 Signed,
 Gems from Jen

Dear Gems from Jen,
Over the past few months, I have seen a number of young ladies on 100hookup whose profiles caught my interest. I have been using the Flirt feature to initiate correspondence, but looking at my sent messages box, approximately 95% of all Flirts are never actually opened. Am I missing something here?
Granted a response, whether positive or otherwise, would be only courteous, but to not even open the Flirts or even look at my profile seems a little overly harsh.
Or are single Flirts just pestering, and counter-productive?
 Thanks
N

Dear N,
I understand your frustration. You and I are on the same page. A response would be the courteous thing to do.  Unfortunately, not everyone is as courteous as we would like for them to be.
 I don’t know if I would say the use of Flirts is pestering or counter-productive, but they haven’t gotten you the responses you would like. You can look at this one of two ways.  First, if a woman does not respond to your Flirt you can go ahead and count her out. You don’t want to date someone who doesn’t utilize common courtesy. Or, you could choose to look at the situation this way; many women on 100hookup are being sent Flirts daily from many different people.  My experience tells me that a well thought out email is probably the best way to go if you want to catch someone’s attention. Most of the women I know would much prefer an email over a Flirt. For me personally, I want to know you took the time to read my profile and you are not interested in getting to know me better just based on my profile pictures.

I hope this helps.

Signed,
Gems from Jen