Dear Tamar,

I read all the tips on how to send that first email to ladies. I also emailed more than a dozen ladies on 100hookup and not one of them responded. I think the fact that I am shy and inexperienced may have something to do with it, but I’m not sure. Here is the email that I sent to the ladies on 100hookup:

100hookup.com probably thinks our profiles matched so I’m sending you this email. It is cool. If you are interested in continuing this research, please write me back when you have a chance.
Best Wishes,
xxx

Do you have any advice for me as to how I can change this email? Or maybe something I can put in this email so that when I email the ladies on the website they will respond to me? Please let me know. Have a good day and I look forward to speaking/hearing from you soon.

Best Wishes,
xxx

_________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Inexperienced Emailer:

You weren’t kidding when you said you were inexperienced! Your email is awkward, stiff, and, well, awkward. Emails to prospective dates should not be so formal, or appear to be copy/pasted, or appear to be written by Google translate for that matter.

Since you are writing to a prospect on 100hookup they know that something attracted you to them — so what was it aside from being told you’re a match? You shouldn’t be writing every single prospect an email, only the ones who fit the majority of your preferences and whom you’re attracted to. That said, you should write what it is that you’re attracted to that made the prospect worthy of your time and effort to write the email.

End the short email with a question that addresses something in their profile and shows that you want to get to know them better. You need to prove that you actually looked at their profile by writing both with a compliment and a question, being conversational and casual, and adding in a somewhat flirt tone as well.

Good luck!

I get far too many messages about the way I look. The same way that getting a “Hey, what’s up?” message can be frustrating in that the conversation fire hasn’t been lit, it’s hard to continue a conversation when someone messages, “You are so pretty!” Once you acknowledge the compliment (or not), you still have to make a fast u-turn to get into good conversational territory.

Let’s look at some ways to respond to a looks-based message:

1) The good old fashioned thank you

Initial message: “You are gorgeous, wow!”

Response: “Thank you very much!”

Where did that really get you? Maybe you brightened up the recipient’s day, but now you have to start a conversation from scratch.

2) The thank you/ u-turn

Initial message: “You look like a real life Disney princess!”

Response: “Thanks. I love Disney movies. My favorite is _______. How about you?”

At least the compliment helped a little in this instance. Sometimes it’s more like this:

“You’re cute. I’m _________. I look forward to hearing back.”

“Hey, thanks! What do you like to do for fun, _________?

3) The bratty response

Initial message: “You are stunning. I would love to get coffee.”

Response: “Yeah. You and every other Jew in New York.”

_________________________________________________

Not only do I have trouble responding to these looks-based messages, but I also feel like my better personal qualities aren’t being valued. For me, one-line, looks-based messages don’t stand out among the pack. I don’t typically reply, even if I am interested in the guy, because I am looking for someone who appreciates more than being easy on the eyes.

Next time, try a messaging someone with NO looks-based compliments. See where it gets you. Here’s a start:

“Hey. I noticed you like _________. I’ve wanted to try _________ and was wondering how you got into it…”

This is not the most creative. Some people are super creative and comic. If that’s not your thing, don’t try to be something you’re not. Be yourself, but don’t be obsequious. Leading with looks makes me wary that the sender may be a panting puppy when it comes to approaching a potential date. Coming on strong is called coming on strong for a reason. It’s too strong for many people. If you come on too strong, someone may be offended. I’ve yet to be offended by someone not hitting on me enough. Maybe you’re not exactly mysterious or aloof. I’m not either, but it’s typically better to tread lightly. Once you’re in back-pedaling territory, you’ve likely lost the battle.

After you begin connecting with someone on 100hookup there’s a balance of power that shifts continuously. Who wrote the last email? Who sent the last text? Who made the last phone call? It’s all part of the game… and it sucks, but you’ve got to play ball. If you were the last one at bat (emailing, texting or calling), then give the other person a chance to hit (contact you).

Enough with the symbolism… if you take a step a back and realize that you’re doing most of the contacting, planning, talking, following up, and so on, then perhaps the other person is not so into you. It’s tough to admit, but they may just be bored and have nothing else to do, and you’re such not bad company to pass the time. Sorry.

To borrow a well-known line… if he or she is not contacting you, then they’re just not into you.

How long is too long to wait before responding to a 100hookup email? Ideally you would respond within 48 hours — the same amount of time that is acceptable when you’ve received digits from someone who you met at a bar or elsewhere. If there’s a reason that you can’t get in touch earlier, then apologize for the delay and make sure you sweeten the pot by responding with a charming email.

It happens sometimes. Perhaps they were considering another 100hookupr and wanted to give him or her a chance, and thus ignored their inbox until they were available. This is the usual reason why people don’t respond right away and it’s perfectly acceptable. That said, don’t actually ask whether that’s the reason; simply respond that it’s okay, ask your match how they are doing, and then let the conversation go from there. If that response takes a lengthy amount of time again, then you may simply be communicating with a flake or a player. If they reply right away, however, and it’s an engaging email, then let the delay go and move forward.

Timing is everything with dating. Are you going to give up on someone because of a few weeks?

Dear Tamar,

Hi Tamar,

I’ve been on and off 100hookup for a while; I’ve never had much success in attracting positive responses, either from women contacting me or responding to my emails. I’ve always had my theories as to why, but if it’s really what I’m saying in my profile, or my pictures, I need a little advice.

Thanks!

____________________________________________________________________

Hi David S.,

In Part 1 of this series, we analyzed your 100hookup profile, which I thought was pretty good!  Now we will delve into your email correspondence to figure out where things may be going astray in your efforts to find your Beshert.

You previously sent me a version of the following back-and-forth email with a 100hookup prospect which led nowhere (some specifics were deleted by me either for privacy or brevity):

 

Email #1

Hi there,

Can I just tell you that you have seriously beautiful eyes? Wow.

How are you? …. A snow day is a good opportunity to catch up on those cheesy TV shows. What sort of cheese are you into?So as I mentioned in my profile, I think sense of humor can be a great indicator of compatibility, and it sounds like we both have a similar, sarcastic, witty thing happening. It’s a start, right?

 
Email #2

Hi Dave,

Thanks for writing… Are you sticking around [town] or heading somewhere warm?I’ll be around… catching up on those cheesy shows. I watch… How about you?Talk to you soon.

 
Email #3

…I wish I were going some place warm!…   But I’m sticking around too. What is your reality TV of choice? What are you excited to do most over the holidays?

Talk soon.

 

 

Tamar’s Synopsis

Your first email to the prospect was great. You started off with a compliment, and then moved on to a commonality, which said a bit about yourself as well and asked a question. She responded by continuing the commonality conversation and answering your question and then asking you a few questions in return, which shows that she read your email and is interested in learning more about you. Here’s the problem: your final email didn’t answer both her questions. You answered the first about not leaving town due to the cold, but you didn’t tell her what cheesy shows you were watching. You did ask a follow-up question (which was good), but rather than continue the conversation via email you should have asked her out. Email #3 should have gone more like this:

“…I wish I were going some place warm! … But I’m sticking around too. Since we are both going to be in town, I’d love to take you out. Since we are talking about cheesy TV shows, how about the cool new fondue place uptown? Let me know, we can either firm up the plans via email or send me your number if you feel comfortable doing so and I’ll call you to figure out when we’re both free next week.”

Do you see the difference? Your email was more of a pen-pal discussion. You were having first date conversation via 100hookup email rather than being confident and aggressive and getting that date on the calendar. She showed interest in her response to you — so take that momentum and act on it!