I just had the most amazing idea.  What would happen if 100hookup, and social networks and singles websites in general, gave people the worst impression of each member?  For example, instead of posting four of the most flattering pictures of yourself, you would post the absolute worst four pictures of yourself that you can find.  This may be difficult for models, but then why would models be on dating sites in the first place?  I know that the discrepancy between your profile pics and your actual self can be frustrating.  You are nervous before meeting people because you feel that your pictures don’t accurately convey your physical qualities.  It can be equally frustrating when you go out with someone whom you thought looked completely different.  You don’t want to be rude, but it is somewhat aggravating.

This can all be eliminated.  Under the ‘Physical Info’, for example, say that you are at least five inches shorter than you really are.  Under “My perfect first date,’ say something like your “perfect first date involves fast food and movies at your parents’ house.”  Be sure to mention that you do not have a car.  Under ‘My past relationships,’ mention that all of your past relationships have involved imaginary dates with your fourth grade teacher and outings with your Cabbage Patch Kid/Teletubby (depending on your age group.)  Say that your ‘Ideal Match’ is a chain smoking drunk who is 20 to 25 years older than you with a degree from an unknown college.

Now, you have nothing to worry about.  First, you can be sure that your potential date is just as good looking or better in real life.  Second, you can be sure that your date will not be disappointed in any of your attributes.  Then you can build from there.  The sky is the limit when you are a 60 year old, fat chain smoker with little to no education or personal hygiene!

A JDating^® friend of mine that I’ll call Jay asked me for help writing his 100hookup profile. The thing is, Jay’s current profile comes off as someone who is quiet and reserved while on the phone and in person his voice emits energy, enthusiasm and gobs of personality. This is a huge problem for people who simply are not good at typing or not good at conveying themselves on paper. But when it comes to 100hookup – or any online dating forum – you don’t really have a choice.

Jay needs to figure out how to let his personality come across in a way that would attract the same amount of women online as he does in person. But I wasn’t going to be writing the paragraph for him, because he needed to learn how to do it himself so when he does contact women via email he won’t run into the same problem.

I explained to Jay that this isn’t a business proposal and didn’t need to be so stiff and conservative. Although dating may feel like a job interview you can’t treat it that way. I told him to lay it all out on the line because he had nothing to lose. In this situation it was better to go too far and then edit and reel it in a bit rather than not go far enough. You can’t expect someone to read your blurb in the tone you wrote it, so you need to exaggerate and emphasize. Write your profile as though you were talking to your best friend – casual, relaxed, funny, friendly – but times 10.

Remember my tip about making sure the first few words are good ones because they will show up on the searches. Saying “I’m a vagabond” is not a great start (actual profile I found) because even if you have a really awesome explanation afterwards you first need the person to click on your profile.

This is the time you need to sell yourself. If you’re funny, don’t just say, “I have a sense of humor.” Instead say, “I promise to keep you laughing all day long.” If you’re smart, don’t say “I’m a genius,” but rather “I’ve never lost at a game of chess, but I’ll let you win.” If you’re successful, don’t say “I’m rich,” say “I’ve worked really hard but now it’s time to settle down.” (Or any variation of these phrases.) Try not to use (or overuse) clichés. Everyone is “looking to share the rest of my life with someone,” but how can you say it in a unique way that expresses your personality? Maybe “I want to fall in love with my best friend, someone I can golf with, watch “Top Chef” with and root for the Mavericks with.” This shows your interests and hobbies without just listing them and conveys the same message.

Simply put, you need to stand out – starting with the first few words and going from there. Keep the energy up, have someone who will be honest with you read it and allow them to critique and edit it if necessary. And remember, this isn’t the time to get offended – your loved ones want nothing but the best for you!

Whenever women complain about a guy not calling within the two day range, my best friend always tells the story of how she and her hubby met ten years ago. They were at a mutual family friend’s Shiva on a Thursday night and he asked for her number and said he would call her after the weekend since he was going to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Two weeks later the phone rang and he wanted to know if she was still interested. Luckily, she was in the middle of finals so the long wait didn’t bother her. She accepted the date and they had an amazing night filled with conversation, laughter and flirting. Yet again, he didn’t call for another three weeks!

Once again, my BFF accepted the date and made a conscious decision not to make a big deal out of the time lapse between phone calls. After the second date they were inseparable and two years later they were married in an elaborate hookup wedding. Now that their third baby has arrived, I asked BFF-in-law if he remembers why he made his wife jump through hoops. He says the waiting game was a test and that he wanted to call her really badly but wanted to make sure she wasn’t a “Rules Girl” first (or following some equally obnoxious dating theory). Since she didn’t hem-and-haw over the time in between phone calls and subsequent dates, she passed his own set of (equally obnoxious) rules.

In this case, they were both worth the wait and it ended in the ultimate success, but the type of test my BFF’s hubby used will often lead to failure. Most women nowadays will not accept even a phone call – not to mention a date – after a few days. But it really depends on you and your overall dating attitude. If you’re busy dating and working and exercising and socializing then waiting a few extra days for a phone call isn’t a big deal because you wouldn’t have time to schedule a date right now anyways. However, if you’re desperate for a date two days already feels like an eternity. The thing is, you don’t know if the other person is still healing from a bad break-up or purposefully doesn’t call because it is expected. There are always exceptions to the rules.

Next Up: How to apply these rules to 100hookup.

Without getting too specific let me say that I had a really good interaction with a woman over several weeks where we talked and texted often before finally going out on a date. Even though I had a really nice time, and told her as much, I just didn’t feel that spark which leaves you excited for the next time you get to talk or see the other person.

This being said, we had developed a really good rapport during the proceeding weeks leading up to our date and as a result I would really like to be friends with her; but is that really possible? Can you be friends with someone that you met on a dating site where the initial pretense was that you were trying to start a romantic relationship?

I honestly don’t know the answer to that question but I would like to find out. Unfortunately that idea leads to another question which is: What would she think if I suggested that we be friends? On second thought, maybe I should just drop the idea of being friends with her, even though I believe that if we had met under different circumstances we could have become good friends.

I don’t know, perhaps I am just frustrated that it seems after your graduate from college you can’t be single and make friends with people that are the opposite sex. But, in any case, my wanting to be friends with a woman I met on 100hookup is probably pretty misguided. In the end, there are limitations and unwritten restrictions that go along with being on a dating site that I’m going to have to abide by no matter how the reality of them sucks.

My girlfriend Esther* called me last night with a new dating debacle. She met this guy she knows from the community on 100hookup. His name is Yoni and once they started instant messaging each other, conversation flowed, she laughed, she was interested and it seemed 100% mutual. They went out and the date went really well, too. There was chemistry and they had a lot in common and they wanted to make plans to see each other again. Then the problem reared its ugly head.

Esther started telling some girlfriends that she had met this great guy, a guy she knew from the community but a guy she admittedly probably wouldn’t have given a chance to had he approached her at a local hookup event. Once she said it was Yoni she started to hear rumors about more and more friends and acquaintances whom had all dated him. Turns out the guy is a serial dater.

Since I know Yoni, too, I was able to give Esther some advice. Yoni really wants to get married (although not exactly in a stinking-of-desperation kind of way) and is willing to turn over every rock to find his Beshert, I don’t see a problem with that but it’s tough to hear he has dated every relatively attractive woman who is active in the community. Some were just one or two dates, others were long term relationships. None of the women had anything bad to say about Yoni, just that “it” wasn’t there. When Yoni runs into his exes at events they greet him cordially with a warm hug and kiss on the cheek. There is no animosity. But there’s also no concrete reason any of them stopped dating. There’s just something you can’t quite put your finger on.

Instinctually, I didn’t think Yoni was right for Esther, but I thought he would be good dating practice so I softened the edges for her. I told her that she shouldn’t have a problem with someone who has dated everyone possible, it just means they are looking for the same thing as her. As long as her friends who dated the guy give her their blessing and warn her if there’s anything worth knowing, I say all he’s free game. Esther had realistic reasons to be concerned, but she had already been on a date with him and enjoyed herself, so why should she be punished because other people didn’t have as successful as dates? I told her that I would be more concerned if she didn’t know one person whom he had dated. Yoni was obviously committed to finding a hookup woman, and that’s exactly the type of guy Esther was looking for.

Dear Tamar,

So here is my issue:  I met this guy on 100hookup and thought he was “the one”.  I have never felt like this about anyone before in my life.  We took trips together, spent lots of time with each other’s families, all was going so well for 6 months.  Then, one day, I got a message from him and he was questioning our relationship.  We sat and talked about it and it almost felt like he just gave up.  We tried a little bit longer and then I just couldn’t take it anymore.  We broke up and still, for the last few months, have communicated and have seen each other.  I am not sure what happened.  It doesn’t seem like he wants to totally let go and it doesn’t seem like he wants to be with me anymore.  I am still very much in love with this person.  We had discussed marriage and children and had both said we saw that together.  What should I do?  Should I cut all ties or see where it goes?

Dear The One or Done,

You’re in a difficult predicament and I feel for you. If you hang in there and see where it goes then you could end up still getting your heart broken but wasting more time in the meantime. I think your best bet is to tell him you need to cut it off to see how you each feel without the other because this on-again, off-again thing isn’t healthy. I think that once he sees life without you in it, he’ll be able to make up his mind about what he wants and you will too. Of course, don’t let him know this as you don’t want him to know he has all the power in the relationship; if he’s able to pull you back in when he misses you and needs you then what’s going to motivate him to step it up or cut it off? You’re on 100hookup, so that’s a good thing because it helps that you’re at least trying to move on or see what else is out there. Keep on perusing your other options while letting your ex know that you’re not his doormat.

Next time you are out on a 100hookup, or any date in general, I propose a new activity.  Bring a small notebook with you and take down meticulous notes over everything that transpires.

When you first meet, you might hug awkwardly.  Be sure to start your minutes with a long description of how you greet each other.  Don’t worry; she won’t think you’re creepy.  She’ll think you’re intelligent and thorough.  She will probably first ask what you are doing.  Write that down!  “What are you writing?” she might ask.  Don’t answer; that will only draw attention to the fact that you’re constantly writing in a notebook and seem, from an outside perspective, insane.

“So, what do you like to do for fun?” you write in your notebook after asking her in person.  Listen to her while you are writing, as writing the sentence will likely take longer than verbally asking her.  She may answer with a fun quip like, “I like it when someone I’m on a first date isn’t taking punctilious notes while I’m trying to have a conversation.”  Classic!  Women: What are you gonna do?  Can’t take notes on ‘em, can’t appreciate some good, copious notation.

By the time you reach your table (assuming you are at a restaurant), you should have roughly ten pages already written in your handy notebook.  Now, start writing down everything that’s on the menu.  This is so you appear intelligent while the girl tries her hardest to talk to you.  Don’t worry, she may seem agitated.  This is only because she is wholly interested in your curious knack for writing while simultaneously not listening to anything she’s saying.  Now, try to think of a simple topic that you can talk about while constantly writing.  “So, our town’s NFL team is pretty bad, huh?”  She will probably respond with, “Are you a serial killer?”  When this question arises, and it undoubtedly will, be sure to answer with, “No”.

Please do not do anything that I have written in this post, and you should be able to live a happy life with the girl/boy that you love.

When you meet someone on 100hookup set rules cannot be applied. I am a big proponent of using 100hookup as a means to an end (meaning if you are on 100hookup then you should use the website to meet someone in person not just waste time trading emails back and forth). At whatever point you offer up your phone number (I recommend almost immediately) the clock starts ticking down from 48 hours — that’s 2 days, which is the expected time frame you would call someone if you got their number after meeting them at a bar.

But if the other person isn’t ready to call or isn’t totally convinced you are worth it, then the digits will be ignored and another email will be sent in its place. This is not always bad, but you should set yourself a time limit for a phone call, and when plans should be made by, before abandoning ship. Concessions need to be made, whether it’s allowing a phone call after two days, accepting a first date in the middle of the week or overlooking typos in emails and text messages. Relationships need compromise to thrive, even if that means meeting halfway from the first day.

Dear Tamar,

I used to receive “matches” in my inbox but I canceled the feature because I have never, ever gotten a single response from any of the matches sent to me. I actually have stopped sending messages to men and instead just respond to messages sent to me. Why don’t men answer?

Dear Match Me Up,

The matches 100hookup sends are merely recommendations made by a computer based on certain commonalities. In theory, it could work to create a shidduch, but you need to put in the work yourself to find the men whom you think would be a good match. It sounds like you’ve done that and are still not having much luck and are getting frustrated. Take a deep breath. We’ve all gone through this, men and women alike!

As a woman myself, I also used to only respond to men’s emails because I was trying to think of it as getting picked up on in a bar. Every once in a while I would send an email to a guy who really caught my eye, just as I would make the first move on a guy in person (i.e. my now-husband) when I simply couldn’t help it. I don’t think this is a bad way to 100hookup but you still need to be active via signing on every day, unblocking your views, sending Flirts, widening your preferences and using the Click!® feature. And when a guy really catches your eye and you can’t stop wondering about him, then take the initiative and send him an email.

Finally, have a brutally honest friend review and edit some of your past emails (or even send them my way if you don’t mind me using them as examples). You may not realize how you’re coming across in an email and a simple tweak could mean a huge difference!

If you’ve met someone on 100hookup recently I would like to take the opportunity to humbly suggest to you that December 24^th, Christmas Eve, is a great day to ask him or her out on a date.  First off, I promise you that there’s a very good chance that they’ll agree to a date since there is an overwhelming chance that they aren’t busy and what really do you have to lose since, well, neither are you.

Since your plans probably consisted of watching movies and eating take-out Chinese food, why not buck those stereotypical boring Christmas Eve plans and instead opt for a date? Even though you might have to do a little work finding something to do, or a place to go, I still think it’s worth the small amount of extra effort you’ll spending searching on the Internet.

As the person making this suggestion it would be an empty gesture if I didn’t have a date with a pretty hookup girl that I met on 100hookup planned for Christmas Eve, but fortunately I do. What we are going to do, and where, is yet to be determined; however, I know we’ll figure it out, and I’m sure we’ll have a nice time especially when you consider how most of our single hookup counterparts will be spending their evening.