Archive for the ‘JBloggers’ Category

My friend is beaming..brighter than headlights and I couldn’t be happier for her.  She deserves it, we all do, but I’m giddy just hearing how happy she is ..almost a transferred aphrodisiac living momentarily vicariously through her sweet adventures.

Although I think the success of relationships generally come down to at least 65-70% timing, my general thoughts are only on occasion do relationships work the 2nd time around.  Usually the same issues/problems still exist unless they have really been attended to and dealt with, etc. (i.e. can’t fry the same egg twice).  BUT once in awhile it does happen successfully.  My friend’s case seems to be frying sunny side up and hopefully will continue to sizzle at the same heat for months, even years to come.  As for the future who knows, but all we have is the Now, and it looks bright and that is a great start.

I spent this last week in Greensboro, NC.  It’s the city I grew up in.  My sister was getting married, coincidentally enough to a guy she met on 100hookup 3 1/2 years ago in New York City.  The wedding was a smashing success, and everyone had a lovely weekend.  I spent some time with my brother-in-law Chris, and while we were shooting hoops in the backyard, we discussed 100hookup.

Chris had dated a few girls from 100hookup before he met my sister, Miriam.  He said the same  thing I have been experiencing; he would meet a girl, they dated for a bit before they both realized it wasn’t working, and then he went back to browsing profiles.  Eventually he came across my sister’s, and after reading her profile that stated how much she enjoyed Broadway shows, sent her an email.  In it contained a well-written and thought-out letter, which included a less-than-true statement about his own passion for musical theater.

Lo and behold, it worked!  My sister was intrigued, and they met for coffee later in the week.  He gladly went to Broadway shows, and in return she was willing to give professional hockey a chance, a sport that Chris enjoyed.  Of course, later in their relationship, Chris admitted that he wasn’t a Broadway enthusiast, but by then it didn’t matter.  His willingness to embrace a passion of my sister’s was enough for her, and in return she did the same for him.

What does this teach us?  That you should lie about your interests?  Not quite.  But I don’t think there is a problem with embellishing them slightly to catch the interest of a certain 100hookupr®.  Who knows, maybe you can impress upon them an interest of yours!

Dear Tamar,

If I’ve gone on one date with a guy and he asks to see me again, but I have no interest in pursuing the relationship for various reasons (for example, I’m not physically attracted to him), how do I tell him that I don’t want to go on any more dates with him without being rude?

Dear Just Not Interested,

I have come up with some great ways to soften the blow of rejection and I am more than happy to pass them on to you! One of my favorites I thought after an okay date with absolutely no attraction from my end. The next time he called I told him that I thought he was great, but that he would be a better fit for a friend of mine and did he mind if I set them up? (I actually did set them up and they dated for a few months before he moved away.) If he asks you out for another date before you’ve ended the first date, poise yourself and simply be honest but polite. Tell him that you had a nice time but you’re on 100hookup to find a husband and you just don’t think that he’s “the one” and you don’t want to waste his time by leading him on. Sure he’ll be offended but you can go your own way knowing that you did nothing wrong. Just do me a favor and remember to be a class act if you are ever on the receiving end of that line.

Here’s to new beginnings!! Yes it is June and not December 31st but I’ve moved into a great new trendy apartment with a great view and there is always a feeling of new beginnings that come with a move (even one of 6 blocks). I think I’ll just have to find a cute neighbor to assist me in hanging up my pictures. Or does “may I bother you for a cup of Splenda” still work.  Keep you posted.

When I moved out here to Los Angeles after college, a lot off my friends came too.  Now that we’re all here, we’ve managed to find day jobs so that we can afford rent and groceries, and in our spare time we write and produce sketch comedy, a la Kids in the Hall or Upright Citizen Brigade. 

Two of these friends that live together have each already had multiple flings with multiple women that they’ve met in bars, at work, or through other friends.  I’ve had one brief fling, through 100hookup, and have been in the city for twice as long.

Why is this?  In truth, they are more handsome and suave than I am, but they don’t really respect any of the women they get with, and the purely-sexual relationships they have do not last long.

I fantasize about walking into a bar, finding an attractive woman, and getting her back to my place, because I am single.  This happens to my friends, but never to me.  Is it because I have too much respect for women, or because I’m not handsome or suave enough?

It’s a rhetorical question, because I know your answer would be different whether you’re a man or a woman.  And both answers are probably correct.

Dear Tamar,

I’ve been on 100hookup for a few months now, but have yet to actually go on a physical 100hookup. I am happy with my profile (positive, honest, etc.) and even got a good friend to give me a second opinion. Also, I’ve been scanning lots of profiles, and have reached out to a few girls that have caught my eye (with IMs or personalized emails). But while this has led to a few nice virtual conversations, nothing more than that has developed. So my question is, am I missing something? Do other people have this hard of a time at first?

Dear Inactive Actions,

This is a great question and I think you will be helping a lot of people by asking it. My questions for you to think about are: have you asked any of the girls out? Have you asked any of the girls for their phone numbers to take the conversation off-line? If your answer to either of these is “NO” then you have no one to blame but yourself. If you have taken action, then you need to take another look at your profile and what you’re saying in the IMs and e-mails. Have more friends or family members edit your profile and suggest photos. Check out the profiles of other guys who match your qualifications (under preferences, change the search options so you can see what your competition looks like — just don’t forget to change it back!). Use the Click!® feature as well as the Views, Hot Lists and Flirts to your advantage so you’re not writing a girl out of the blue, but instead writing the ones who also Click! with you or who have Viewed, Hot Listed and returned Flirts. At the beginning, 100hookup is not only a monetary commitment but a time commitment.  There are going to be literally hundreds of women who fit your preferences but only a limited amount who will ultimately be interested in you. Take the time to explore and experience all that 100hookup has to offer before you give up, because the odds are most definitely in your favor.

Dear Tamar,

I met a senior citizen on 100hookup 4 yrs ago — I am also a senior. We see each other 3 times a week, speak to each other a few times every day and share things with each other. He just sent me a birthday card expressing what a wonderful friend I am and how invaluable I am in his life. According to him, there is nothing in life to be valued like a friend. Every time I hear that word I cringe.  Am I wrong?

Dear Friend or Foe,

Are you wrong? In a word, NO. But unfortunately it’s not so simple. Four years is a long time to be spending with someone, whether you’re in your late-30’s and your biological clock is ticking or a septuagenarian and that “other” clock is ticking — why waste precious time with someone if they don’t like you as more than a friend? Go ahead and cringe, I understand.

If the card is the only thing that concerns you, then simply mention it to him or leave it be. But if there are many more signs where that came from, than do yourself a favor and reactivate your 100hookup membership. Are you looking to get married again or for companionship which includes moving in together? Because after 4 years one of those options should be in progress by now. Regardless of what you want from him or what you expect from him, after 4 years you deserve an explanation.

“You’re not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense, she’s not either. The question is whether you’re perfect for each other.” (Robin Williams to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting).  As the quote acknowledges we all have our issues and we all have our baggage (and if you don’t I would contend you haven’t truly lived).  The most important aspect of having issues/baggage I believe, is how you “deal” and how YOU allow it to affect your life.  This distinction is everything.
 
From being EU (Emotionally Unavailable) to Mommy issues, these obstacles have the likely ability to destroy relationships.  Such issues affect both genders I imagine differently, but as I date men I see it more frequently in men verses my women friends. These issues are displayed  in numerous ways, but generally ends with a self sabotage-like behavior based on the belief that the latest romantic interest will never measure up to mom’s expectations.  A recent date even told me he didn’t cut his hair short because he wasn’t sure his mom would like it.  And yes, he was in his forties…
 
Like I said, we all have issues that come in a variety of baggages.  But it is how you let them affect your life and how you deal, that is key. Oy Mommy.

It is like Groundhog Day…yes it is a rough life. Tennis and then the big decision of the day, beach or pool? I won’t hold you in suspense…ultimately I split my time between the two. Pure craziness, I know.  Floating on a raft up to a swim up bar is hard work after all.

After a fun dinner to celebrate my friend, Lori’s birthday, we headed to the “White Party” on the beach. Always fun dancing on the beach. The sea of white was a cool vision. Fun dancing and new friends getting to know each other under the stars…we all had a great time.

There will always be critiques and areas of improvement, but overall, this was a great trip and the resort was top notch. As the adage goes, it is hard to make everyone happy all the time.

Though my goal is to meet Prince Charming and retire from 100hookup trips, the journey of singlehood is an absolute fun experience to bide your time with some great folks until Mr. or Mrs. Prince Charming walks into your world.

Dear Tamar,

I have a serious question. I’m a massage therapist. I also work in retail. I have found that several guys just want to date me because they are hoping for a free back massage. How do I tactfully let them know I don’t give free massages? And how can I tell when a guy is just using me for a free massage or if he is interested in getting to know me the person? Should I list my retail job instead of my massage business?

Dear Career Conundrum,

Your instincts are right: posting your occupation in massage therapy is unfortunately giving off the wrong signals. You don’t need to list details regarding your occupation, simply put “retail” to cover your retail job or “small business owner” to cover your massage therapy business, or better yet, both. On the 1st date you can expand upon this as conversation flows naturally. I would even let the date know about your issues with listing “massage therapy” and gauge his response. A little eyebrow raise and cheesy response is just harmless flirting, but if he keeps pushing for a massage then you’ll have your answer and can weed out the users. Good luck!