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I feel fortunate that I get contacted by quality men on this site.  Full stop.  Unfortunately for me, at least half the time these men don’t live in the most geographically easy places, let’s say Chicago.  Overlooking the fact, I am a “Miami Beach gal” at heart and can’t ever imagine how I would survive a Chicago winter.  I struggle with how you get to know someone, really know someone, on line and via phone.  Also, isn’t physical and in-person chemistry at least 50% (if not more) of the equation?  I often get pushback from these pursuits when I graciously decline. A lot of these folks don’t seem to struggle like I do and are more open-minded that their beshert may be across the country despite the energy this cyber geographically undesirable courtship may entail.

Of course, if I met a special someone that happened to live in another city, I could be persuaded that the relationship is worth the go.  But as for cyber cross-country courting, honestly the thought alone sounds exhausting.  But perhaps I need to be more open.  Perhaps I’m cutting off the nose to spite… and my partner may live in dare I say Alaska or Minnesota.  Aha, but then again, I do live in NYC where singles seem to be as abundant as bagels. Hmmm something to ponder…

Aah the quintessential first date exchange of resume and family history….how scintillating… Yes, it may give you some info, but really does it??  You don’t choose the family you’re born into and the reality is sometimes siblings are polar opposites.  Not ideal, but not so uncommon.  Then the resume… I’m a trained attorney who has been on the recovery path ever since–and I applaud those who don’t stick to the golden handcuffs through societal pressure norms and take risks and make changes.  Whatever floats your boat and makes you happy when you get out of bed.

Yet, once in awhile you break the rules of what not to do on a first date and you simply connect.  There is no guarantee that will predict the success of a relationship any better than a slow burning candle courtship, but it sure is genuine when you throw caution to the wind (not to mention fun), talk about real stuff and enjoy custard.

I am a strategic business counsel for a corporation. Oftentimes, my days are filled with client meetings and implementing initiatives. As you can imagine, the end result doesn’t always favor our clients’ preferences.  As a result, we often have briefings and even client exit interviews, which got me thinking… what if dates had exit interviews?  I think we would be blown away if honest feedback and data were collected from our dates. I find it truly fascinating when two people view the same situation (ie date)/conversation two different ways.  It makes you wonder, were we on the same date??? So my idea: An exit interview, or better yet, a trip advisor for dating.  You may receive interesting feedback that you wouldn’t have normally considered.  Granted, sometimes a date can be great even if it lacks chemistry.   However, if there are some major gender faux pas, false steps, that your ex never had the heart to articulate, wouldn’t you want to know?  Don’t we all want to be the best singles? And isn’t dating a huge component of connecting with people and building relationships, just with some added romance?
Exit interviews, something to think about..

After 11 hours and 5 minutes, Isner’s mesmerizing Wimbledon Marathon came to a victorious end.  I cannot even imagine the pure physical exhaustion.  Often, I hear about the same emotional exhaustion from my friends as it relates to dating.  How many more 1st dates must I encounter until I find the last??  Optimistically, spreading the gospel I constantly remind all -“It only takes one” and you just never know where that encounter will take place.  I do truly believe that.  Yet, I more so believe it is a mental/emotional choice each individual makes that they are “ready” to build a relationship.  Of course, attraction needs to be present, but at times that can grow.  As can chemistry.  You may have the endurance like Isner and can juggle 11 dates a week, but when nothing is sticking perhaps the real question is to look at yourself and ask why.  Expectations of people too high?  Are you looking for something that doesn’t exist?  Are you ready?  There will always be another bus around the corner and someone better suited for you that you haven’t met yet, but really isn’t that exhausting… Wouldn’t it be more fun to develop a fun bond of familiarity. Even if  he/she doesn’t become your life partner, substance over quality seems like the real endurance test to me.

Recently, I have been bombarded by emails online.  Maybe it is the arrival of summer.  Great weather, less clothes, people are out and about and in good spirits wanting to do fun activities.  The potential suitors range in age, geography and now sexuality.

One of the emails I received from a gentleman asking me if I would ever consider “a real, long term relationship with a bi-curious guy.” For those who know me, let’s just say I can’t wait to meet my beshert.  I’m open and not judgmental as to who may be a good partner for me, and I try to not only date “my type” in this dating journey.  Yet, at the same time I’m pretty traditional, so my jaw opened and I laughed as I read the bi-curious proposal.  Is this what my dating life has come to??   I feel like the protagonist in the 2001 Indie film, Kissing Jessica Stein.  Granted this emailer was extremely handsome per his photo and a VP of a Media Corporation, but I think I’ll take a pass.

Then of course everyday there are those emails that come from San Diego and though I love California it is kind of hard to develop a relationship through email unless there is already a solid foundation.  GU “Geographically Undesireable” is a real challenge in cyberworld.   Unless it is a Bi-Cycle lover perhaps I’ll stay away from the Bi hyphenations for now.

Recently, my girls and I have met a plethora of really really fun guys!  Guys I would choose to hang out with, dance the night away with, run through Thailand with and do fun, daring and exciting stuff with.  But to marry and raise a family with any one of these guys is another question.  It is a different set of criteria.  I guess it is the Peter Pan vibe and concerns associated with the world of Neverland.  Real world challenges, responsibilities, crises, extended commitment during the boring monotonous moments…I’m not sure how these “fun partners” would fare.  What is ironic I have found, is that it’s usually the Peter Pan types that express their desire to settle down and be in a committed relationship with family, kids and a picket fence but in actuality, I’m not sure I buy it.  I wonder if society imposes the norm of settling down on these otherwise would be lifelong bachelors.  Let me clarify, I’m not judging anyone and there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting children or marriage or being less traditional and not wanting to embrace society’s traditional norms, as long as you are fulfilled as a person.  It is sad for those Peter Pans who don’t want to grow up and prefer Neverland, but feel they must do so, to appease their family and society.

My friend is beaming..brighter than headlights and I couldn’t be happier for her.  She deserves it, we all do, but I’m giddy just hearing how happy she is ..almost a transferred aphrodisiac living momentarily vicariously through her sweet adventures.

Although I think the success of relationships generally come down to at least 65-70% timing, my general thoughts are only on occasion do relationships work the 2nd time around.  Usually the same issues/problems still exist unless they have really been attended to and dealt with, etc. (i.e. can’t fry the same egg twice).  BUT once in awhile it does happen successfully.  My friend’s case seems to be frying sunny side up and hopefully will continue to sizzle at the same heat for months, even years to come.  As for the future who knows, but all we have is the Now, and it looks bright and that is a great start.

Here’s to new beginnings!! Yes it is June and not December 31st but I’ve moved into a great new trendy apartment with a great view and there is always a feeling of new beginnings that come with a move (even one of 6 blocks). I think I’ll just have to find a cute neighbor to assist me in hanging up my pictures. Or does “may I bother you for a cup of Splenda” still work.  Keep you posted.

“You’re not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense, she’s not either. The question is whether you’re perfect for each other.” (Robin Williams to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting).  As the quote acknowledges we all have our issues and we all have our baggage (and if you don’t I would contend you haven’t truly lived).  The most important aspect of having issues/baggage I believe, is how you “deal” and how YOU allow it to affect your life.  This distinction is everything.
 
From being EU (Emotionally Unavailable) to Mommy issues, these obstacles have the likely ability to destroy relationships.  Such issues affect both genders I imagine differently, but as I date men I see it more frequently in men verses my women friends. These issues are displayed  in numerous ways, but generally ends with a self sabotage-like behavior based on the belief that the latest romantic interest will never measure up to mom’s expectations.  A recent date even told me he didn’t cut his hair short because he wasn’t sure his mom would like it.  And yes, he was in his forties…
 
Like I said, we all have issues that come in a variety of baggages.  But it is how you let them affect your life and how you deal, that is key. Oy Mommy.

It is like Groundhog Day…yes it is a rough life. Tennis and then the big decision of the day, beach or pool? I won’t hold you in suspense…ultimately I split my time between the two. Pure craziness, I know.  Floating on a raft up to a swim up bar is hard work after all.

After a fun dinner to celebrate my friend, Lori’s birthday, we headed to the “White Party” on the beach. Always fun dancing on the beach. The sea of white was a cool vision. Fun dancing and new friends getting to know each other under the stars…we all had a great time.

There will always be critiques and areas of improvement, but overall, this was a great trip and the resort was top notch. As the adage goes, it is hard to make everyone happy all the time.

Though my goal is to meet Prince Charming and retire from 100hookup trips, the journey of singlehood is an absolute fun experience to bide your time with some great folks until Mr. or Mrs. Prince Charming walks into your world.