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Recently, I’ve had a couple of readers and friends reach out with one question that they are desperate to get off their chest: What should I say to spark a conversation? And I find that the easiest way to write out a message and the best way to get a response from someone is to keep it simple. Starting off a first message to someone should be similar to how you’d start off a “hello” to someone in person.

Do: Mention something that sparked your attention from their profile. Use that as your way to make them feel special and connected to your first message. You’ll have a much better response rate if you make them feel special over making them feel weirded out.

Don’t: Write them something generic, or use the wrong person’s name, or try to make your message seem too way out of the box. A first message is just a preview of the conversation to come.

Messaging back and forth with someone is like playing a game of tennis. To keep the game going, you need to hit the ball back and forth. In a world where online conversations take precedence over in-person conversations, it’s important to spruce up your messages with information about you, as well as a question or two that will draw the person you’re emailing into responding. Here’s a few tips!

• Do: Always end your message with a question. That way, the person will be captivated enough to respond. To feel as though you’re not only interested in answering their promoted questions, but also to get to know them in return. End with a question that actually intrigues you, one where you truly want to find out the answer. Most importantly, keep it as genuine as possible.

• Don’t: Answer in lengthy detail! Try to limit how much you reveal about yourself in your messages. Save the long stories, the dazzling details, and the autobiography for in-person chatter. When you’re messaging back and forth, don’t weigh your messages down with long paragraphs or side comments. Keep it short and simple. Most importantly, keep it about both of you.

Read more Jen Glantz here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com

“You can tell a lot about a girl by her selection of photos from her online dating profile,” he says to me after venting about a recent horrible brunch-date he paid for.
“From that picture, alone, you don’t come off as classy and intelligent as you are,” she (my mom) says to me after browsing through my 100hookup account and evaluating my personal profile.

They are both right. We often display the photos we believe make us look outstanding, as we’re always told it’s key to make a fast and memorable impression in our online dating profiles. But sometimes those photos don’t represent us correctly, or make us come off like we harbor the personality of someone else, someone who bears no resemblance to who we really are on the inside.

• Do: Post pictures that are flattering. Upload pictures that represent you at your best and that are true to your darling personality. Use pictures your mother would be overcome with glee to post on her refrigerator.

• Don’t: Make yourself come off as a party animal, or a half-dressed floozy, if you’re not at all like that. Though you may think you’re sending a “cool” vibe, you may be turning off the “right” people.

Read more Jen Glantz, here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com

After a good friend of mine moved to NYC, she got an apartment, a job, a roommate, and then her next logical step was to join 100hookup. And though she’s been on the site before (in other states), she was determined to put together a new profile this time that would launch her into this grand city and it’s chaotic dating scene.

Here’s a few things to know when you are first joining the site.

• Do: Spend time putting together your profile. Pick out 3-4 good photos of yourself (click here for 100hookup’s tips on selecting great profile pics), and then write at least one paragraph for your “About Me” essay question and a few others like the “I’m Looking For…” and “Things I could Never Live Without” questions. If you’re having trouble putting this together, ask for help from your friends. They already know how others perceive you and can help add some color to your profile.

• Don’t: Rush it. Don’t throw up an unedited bio and a single photo of yourself. Don’t sit there and wait for people to message you or view your profile. If you’re serious about meeting new people, then it’s time to take action!

Read more from Jen at www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com

When I first joined 100hookup, I went out for tea with a guy who had me running home and telling the world that I had found “The One.” The over-dramatic monologue I was preaching to my friends was cut very very short, when I never heard from him again after our first date. Almost seven months later, I checked my 100hookup inbox and received a message from him. What’s a girl to do? Go backwards and give someone a second chance after not hearing from them in months? Or keep moving forward and ignore their attempt at seeing you again?

• Do: Listen to what they have to say. Hopefully their message to you “explains” where they’ve been and why they didn’t contact you after the first date until now. Read their message and decide from there if you want to give this person a second chance.

• Don’t: Distract yourself with someone who isn’t right for you by pretending they are. If they are messaging you like they have no idea who you are — and clearly have forgotten ever going out with you the first time — ignore them. They are not worth your time and will easily forget you the second time around!

Read more from Jen at www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com

Last week, I wrote about deciphering the right time to get into a Facebook “friendship” relationship with someone you’ve just started dating. And while that’s bound to happen at some point in your courting, it’s also important not to judge someone based on what you find scattered throughout their social media trail. The other day, I was spitting out lines on the phone to my mom about how I didn’t want to go on a first date with a guy because I didn’t think we were a good match. My only justification for this claim was solely based on what I knew about him from social media. Was that a good enough reason to write someone off and skip out on a first date?

• Do: Practice self-control if you have access to someone’s social media accounts before you’ve met them — and refrain from doing a thorough investigation on them. If you can’t control yourself (which, power to you if you actually can), try to digest the information by reminding yourself this is just a small representation of who they are. Think about what someone might think of you if they read through your 1,000+ tweets before meeting you. It’s worth giving someone an in-person chance.

• Don’t: Cancel a date because you’ve seen too much on someone’s social media accounts. If you’ve stalked them to the point that you’ve seen photos of their ex-girlfriend or you know what they looked like at their Bar Mitzvah, that’s your fault. Ignore the fact that you just freaked yourself out and go meet them in person. Then, you’ll have the information you need to judge if you’d like to continue seeing them in real life… or just through the internet waves.

Read more of Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com
or follow her on Twitter: @tthingsilearned

After reading someone’s online dating profile and feeling enough of a burst of interest to meet them in person, you may find yourself on the steady track of getting to know them and seeing them weekly. But when is it time to finally connect with them, or easier said, be their Facebook friend, perhaps follow them on Twitter and begin to press the “heart” button on their Instagram photos?

Do: Wait to meet the person in real life before connecting with them across all or any social media platforms. If you’re able to figure out their first and last name before meeting them or after the first date, it’s fine to go ahead and innocently explore their profiles but don’t add them.

Don’t: Add that person on Facebook in the middle of your first date or before you have actually been out with them. If they ask you, before meeting you, to be your Facebook friend, consider going against that. It’s never a good idea to have someone look through years of your online information and photos before meeting you. Let the majority of their first impression of you be made in person, if possible.

Read more of Jen Glantz: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com

Online dating would be much better if people just started chatting with each other like they were talking in real life. Eliminating the creepy or the overly flirtatious first messages and replaced them with something respectable and conversational.

I hope you wouldn’t walk up to someone at a bar and give them a wink face or compliment their looks, before even saying hello or introducing yourself. Treat your online dating messages in the same fashion, please.

• Do: Make the person feel special. Spend the same amount of time (or more) that you’re allocating to browsing their photos to read their profile. Find out their interests and what it is that makes them stand out. If you sprinkle that throughout the message, the person will be more inclined to respond and give your profile a read.

• Don’t: 1) Copy a message you sent to one person, and then paste it into an email for several others. This shows you’re mass messaging people on the site and no one wants to be another victim of your messaging spree. People want to feel special.  2) Send a one-word email. It’s hard to start off a conversation that way and shows that you didn’t take the time to read their “About Me” section.  3) Be negative. Telling the person you’re not a fan of online dating and your mom is forcing you to be on the site can make them feel bad about this process and also your intentions. Don’t start off a message in a way that makes them feel like you are forcing yourself to chat with them or take this process seriously.

Read more Jen Glantz, here: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.

One of the first arguments or questions that may float through your head after going on a few dates with someone you’ve met online is, when should both of us cancel our membership or stop checking the site? Is it okay to get mad at someone for logging on the site after you’ve been on three dates with each other and you’ve found yourself developing feelings? Should I feel like a bad person for going on the site to check my messages and search around, even though things are starting to move toward a potentially serious relationship?

• Do: Have a conversation with that person. Before (or “after” in most cases) getting mad about finding out that the person you’re dating is still active on the site, talk to them to see where your relationship stands. Are both of you ready to be exclusive and take things more seriously? Or, are both of you okay with going on other dates with new people? This status type of conversation is not one that’s meant to put pressure or titles on anyone, it’s just to clear the air and keep the honesty flowing. It’s important to be on the same page as the person you’re seeing.

• Don’t: Get mad and/or ignore the person you’re dating. They might not actually be seeing other people or keeping up with their profile. Instead of assuming, bring it up. If it’s too awkward of a conversation to have, or you’re too nervous, take a step back.

To read more Jen Glantz, visit: www.thethingsilearnedfrom.com.

Things may have gone well at first, they always do. But after going on several dates with a person, you may start to feel as though there’s no future with them and the annoying voice in your gut is telling you that your feelings no longer exist. That’s okay, and normal. It’s important, however, to let them know. Dragging it out only makes the situation worse and it puts them in the unfair position.

• Do: Craft something honest and appropriate to say to the person. Try to muster up the guts to tell them in person that you don’t think this is going to work out. If in person does not work out, a phone is warranted. Avoid texting or just plainly saying nothing at all to them.

• Don’t: Start to ignore them. This person invested their time in you as well. After going on a handful of dates with a person, they’re no longer just a stranger to you. You’ve gotten to know them through their personality traits and intimate personal stories. It’s only appropriate and respectful to break things off with them the right way. Ignoring their texts and acting cold to them is not right and overall just plain immature. Put yourself in their shoes, will you?