Archive for October, 2011

Halloween is fun: we get to dress up and pretend to be someone (or something) else — usually a sexier, sluttier version of whatever costume we choose. And playing pretend as if we’re back in grade school allows us to let loose and have a heckuva lot more fun than we usually have in our normal doldrum lives. It’s a win-win situation. Too bad there aren’t more opportunities to get out of our own heads. Whatever you dress up as tonight, take some great photos that show you having a ton of fun and add one to your 100hookup profile. It’s the perfect chance to capture your silly side for all to see!

My little brother (who is 6 inches taller than I am) and I used to hang out a lot. I wanted a t-shirt to read “——> I’m NOT with him!” or “—–> He’s my brother!” so that single guys wouldn’t not talk to me because they thought we were a couple. I know a lot of opposite gender siblings who are very close, as well as some former lovers, in addition to people who are just friends, and I think it’s actually a detriment to them and their desire to meet someone. Of course, I’m not saying you shouldn’t hang out with your opposite gender relatives and friends; I’m just saying not to do it all the time. Or to make sure you’re sending the right signals to the singles and making sure your body language says “relatives” or “just friends” to your +1. Or even go ahead and make a t-shirt; if nothing else, it’s a conversation starter!

In my past blog entries I breifly discussed the importance of a male having a great online dating profile. 

But what about women?  How often have you seen a beautiful girls profile on a dating site that had three sentences or less?  Yet, this same woman is probably receiving HUNDREDS of emails a week.

The reasons behind this is simple.  As I frequently write about, the male and female mind are wired so differently.  While females may be attracted to a male based on many qualities right off the bat, males are completely visual creatures.  For the most part we zoom in on looks first and worry about everything else later.  It is natural instinct, programmed into our DNA.

So what does this mean for these beautiful women?  To put it bluntly, a great profile is not neccessary.  Even if they fill one out with tremendous effort trying to sort out the people that message them, most guys will completely ignore this, feeling powerless to stop themselves from trying anyway!

It may be unfair to us guys out there, but sorry to say, beautiful women just don’t need to put the type of effort we put forth.  Maybe we should start making them pay for dinner to make up for this!

Though my age is relatively young, the emotional toll brought on by an endless number of first dates and missed opportunities puts my soul at a geriatric age. Throughout this journey, I have felt all of the emotions that a jealous, bitter old man with a lifetime of regret has grown to feel. I have felt jealousy of all of the people that find love with the first person they meet immediately after puberty. I have felt anger that I wasn’t born with looks or a specific talent that caters directly to the propagation of females laughing. I have felt remorse that I didn’t utilize my body in the proper way before I started losing (hair, friends, a sex drive).

When it comes down to it, how important is religion when facing a lifetime of loneliness? It seems that the older you get, the less important things become. For example, when you are young, nothing is more important than recess. As you grow older, you find less and less time for physical activity. When you are a kid, sugar is an important content of every meal and snack. As you grow older and diabetes sets in, you are forced to cut out most sugar from your diet. When you are young and idealistic, you know you will end up with somebody who is hookup. As you grow older, you decide that your spouse doesn’t have to be hookup, as long as you two raise your children in a hookup home. As you grow even older, you decide to settle for anybody with whom you can carry on a conversation. As you grow even older, and diabetes and dementia both begin to set in, your only goal is to not die alone.

The saying goes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but can what you order on a first 100hookup actually turn a guy (or gal) off? I’m allergic to sulfites which means I can’t drink wine or eat onions and garlic. That sounds awful to most people, but too bad. When I order I have to make sure to ask if there are onions and to tell them I don’t want onions. So already I can come across as sounding difficult to my companions at dinner. It’s not my fault though. If a guy I dated in the past didn’t like it, then too bad. I believe that says more about him than me. I’ve been guilty of it too — one guy I met on 100hookup asked me out, and when I asked where we should meet, he said anywhere, except he’s a vegan allergic to dairy and wheat. I claimed I forgot about previous plans because I simply couldn’t imagine having to deal with that the rest of my life. Narrow-minded I admit. We all have things we don’t like or can’t eat at a restaurant; just try to downplay your ordering so that it doesn’t come off as difficult or high-maintenance.

Every now and then you will see a profile or meet a girl that says she does not drink at all.  While this may not be a big deal for some people, it can be awfully tough for those of us that are casual drinkers.

But regardless if you care whether or not you have a drinking partner, is this a red flag?

I personally have always been creeped out and wary of people that say they NEVER drink.  Unless they have an addiction problem, I see this as a strange behavior.  And to tell the truth, I am not really sure why.

Perhaps I view this person subconsciously as being socially inept.  Or perhaps I view them as boring without ever getting to know them.

Are these judgements fair?  Probably not.  Call me stubborn, but they will never change.  Am I the only one who feels this way or is not drinking at all a red flag that something is off?!

After my nightly chore to Subway, I am always just as hungry before dinner as I am afterwards. Therefore, I almost always keep the television tuned in to the Travel Channel®, which is always playing something about food. Tonight is a Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern marathon. If you have never seen this show, 90% of its content is about eating animal genitalia. This, of course, is an exaggeration. However, even 1% of a show’s material focusing on eating animal genitalia is far too much.

Tonight, Andrew is eating bull penis. As I watch him both encounter and attack the penis, I think to myself that that is the exact same emotional roller coaster I go on before, during, and after a date. Before the date, I am characteristically nervous. I know that in only a few hours, I will have to eat and keep down a bull’s penis. I shower, and get as clean as I can for the upcoming bull penis. I get a haircut, so that I will be presentable for my date with the bull penis. I take my anti-anxiety medication so that I will not look nervous in front of the bull penis. I practice my conversation skills so that I can keep the bull penis entertained. Please keep in mind that I am in no way comparing women to a bull’s penis. I am only saying that the experience of dating is, to me, similar to eating a bull’s penis.

This far in my post, I am now realizing that I have said ‘bull penis’ too many times. From now on, I will refer to it as ‘BP’. However, I don’t want to disparage the oil company of the same name. Wait, why would I care about doing that? I’m sticking with ‘BP’. Once finally out on the date, I liken the experience to actually eating the BP. When you first bite into a BP, it is probably nerve-wrecking. You have bitten down, but have yet to experience whatever it might taste like. You know what it is, and that thought pervades your mind. Similarly, at the beginning of the date, you realize what you’ve gotten yourself into and you want out. You want to spit out the BP and run away. However, you can’t. You’re stuck with the BP and have to chew it thoroughly before digesting. The chewing is the worst part. In a similar sense, the conversation before the meal is the worst part. You just have to sit there, with no food, and prove to some person you’ve never met that you’re not dead inside.

Once the BP is in your stomach, you ponder the date later while at home. You try and pretend that it went well, but you know it’s about to reappear in a very horrible way. And that is how dating is similar to eating a bull’s penis.

What happens when you’re newly dating someone and find out they’re dating someone else – but not just anyone else, someone you know? Do you have the right to get mad? Should you just act cool? Should you keep dating the person or end it?

Way back in the day, I was on a third date with a guy, and we went to a concert. It was there we ran into a guy I had just gone on a first date with, and it turns out the two knew each other. Can you say awkward?  The guy I was on a date with didn’t seem to mind much, but his old friend would never speak to me again.

I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal, as I was newly dating the both of them and didn’t know they knew each other, but I obviously broke some sort of guy code. In the end, you have to do what feels right for you – if feelings have developed or if you see potential, or if you’re still dating others or if you want to keep it casual for now, whatever your reason you have every right to keep dating the person without feeling guilty or wrong about it. That said, you also have every right to end the relationship. Just do me a favor and give the person an explanation. There’s nothing worse than not knowing what you did wrong, especially when neither of you really did anything wrong.

Sorry guys, but its true: girls pass gas, burp and use the bathroom just like every other human being. I know there’s a rumor going around that we women are immune to those natural occurrences, but it ain’t so. We may be able to hide those bodily functions better than you, but we still do them. And the longer you hang out with us, the harder it gets to hide.

Being in a relationship means spending a lot of time with another person: days, weekends and hopefully, eventually, forever. That much time together means there’s going to be ample opportunity for your natural bodily functions to rear their ugly heads in both noisy and smelly ways. And there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You drink some soda, you’re forced to burp. You eat beans, you’re forced to fart. You eat too much too fast, you’re forced to belch. Holding back any of these gases will only make you uncomfortable and bloated. Letting these gases out will only make you feel uncomfortable and bewildered.

There are some tried and true techniques to do what you gotta do without it being heard, seen or sniffed. It means you have to use your time and opportunities wisely. Excuse yourself to go to the restroom and turn on both the fan and the faucet to stifle any sounds. Use the public restrooms at the movie theatre, in a hotel or at a restaurant instead of the one in the apartment which doesn’t have any ventilation and has a toilet that tends to clog. Excuse yourself to go outside to make a “phone call” and pass wind in the wind. You can also carry around a few helpful items in your overnight bag: antacids, Gas-X, deodorant, mouthwash and face wipes always come in handy.

It’s when you feel comfortable doing those things in front of your new guy or gal that you know you’re in a strong relationship. Unfortunately it takes an awkward conversation once somebody drops the (stink)bomb but usually this will force your relationship to the next level and will only lead to further exposure of all your disgusting habits.

If you don’t think your new boy- or girlfriend is ready to handle you in all your natural glory, then maybe you should hold off for now on introducing him or her to all the different “noises” you’re capable of. It’s when your significant other thinks your farts and burps are cute that you may have found yourself a keeper. Just don’t overdo it – nobody likes to be smoked out of their own bed because their lactose intolerant lover decided to eat pizza and ice cream even though they didn’t have their Lactaid® pill with them.

We all come to online dating for different reasons. Some of us are looking for a mere hookup, others are looking to casually date, while others want relationships and more.  Whatever the reasons are, each person is entitled to use online dating for whatever purpose they wish.

However, what do you do when you are meeting lots of people, have never made any intentions to commit yet, and an important day comes up?

For example, let’s say your are dating a couple of women casually, and it’s a big holiday. Even though you may have never made any intentions to fully commit, women you are dating will expect you to be around on this day regardless of whether or not you are exclusive yet.  This isn’t exactly fair to those of us who are honestly trying to find the one we are looking for while dating various people.  They may say they don’t care, but they will.

The only way to avoid these difficulties is to get out of town! Disappear for a day and avoid the unnecessary drama. This will keep you from avoiding any potential bad situations and is the only solution to this dilemma. And remember, you’re not doing anything wrong unless you made your intent to commit clear!