Friends with Exes
by Tamar Caspi
under Relationships
Are you still friends with an Ex? I’m not, and I never have been. Not because it necessarily ended badly but because I just had no desire to hang out with someone I used to be romantic with. I shared things with this person, intimate things — be it emotional confessions or something more in the physical sense — and I don’t feel the need to hang out, and I don’t understand people who do. So many TV shows have exes hanging out: Friends, Seinfeld, Happy Endings, Grey’s Anatomy, even CSI and Law & Order. It’s just not realistic! A flow chart trying to keep Private Practice hook-ups straight looks more like a spider web, and these people work together too? Yeah right! It doesn’t happen, and it shouldn’t happen. Do you really want to be sitting around with a bunch of friends and be discussing your dating life with your ex? No. When you bring a new date into the fold, and you’re making introductions, how are you going to deal? You can’t lie, but the truth will make everyone uncomfortable.
Some exceptions: you went on one date and didn’t even kiss because there was absolutely no chemistry or you dated more than ten years ago but for less than a year.
It might seem weird to close the door on someone you were involved with, but what can they contribute to your future? Shut that door and leave the past in the past. The only thing you need to take with you is the lessons you learned from that relationship.
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