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Jul 1

Hope for the Hopeless

by Tamar Caspi under Relationships

I want to share my friend’s story to give hope to those who are feeling hopeless.

Lila was 36 when her long-term boyfriend (who was divorced with two children) decided he didn’t want to have anymore kids. Since she knew she wanted to be a mother, she broke up with him and decided to go ahead and freeze her eggs. It may seem extreme, but she was, after all, nearing her late thirties and didn’t want to take any chances. After Lila turned 38 and still wasn’t in a relationship she decided to start saving money and researching “donors” – both from friends and those from a bank. Lila could accept being single but she was going to do anything in her power to have a child.

At 39 Lila had selected a donor from a bank but hadn’t yet started the process. And that’s when she met someone. Saul was the same age and also wanted children. The two became serious quickly and their engagement was announced soon after. Lila and Saul knew they wanted to be parents and since her biological clock was ticking and Lila already had frozen eggs they decided to move forward with in-vitro fertilization. A few unsuccessful IVF attempts later and Lila was losing hope. Now she had her Beshert but couldn’t seem to get pregnant. Could she have it all?

Lila and Saul decided to immerse themselves in planning their wedding and buying a home together when much to their surprise they found out they were expecting! After all the medical interventions, it happened the “old-fashioned” way for them, only confirming that they were indeed Beshert. The wedding was supposed to be six months from then but Lila didn’t want to be a pregnant bride. Instead they went to the Justice of the Peace and got married on paper. The baby is due any day now (Lila just turned 42, by the way) and the big wedding is being held in six weeks, with baby in tow.

Lila’s story is so inspirational. All of her dreams did come true but she wasn’t going to wait around for them to happen, she went after them with a vengeance. As soon as she decided she was going to have a family – with or without a man – her entire demeanor changed and then the right man entered her life. True, she didn’t do things the traditional way and some may think her efforts to have a baby on her own bordered on desperation (or even undermined the concept of family values), but for Lila she was being proactive to ensure she had a family… albeit a non-traditional one.

Now she does have it all and she’s an example for others nearing or in their 40s that it can eventually happen for you too. You may not necessarily feel the need to follow her exact path, but there are other things you can do to “complete” yourself which in the meantime will distract you and better you until your Beshert comes along… which in turn will seem to happen much faster because you’re too busy being distracted with bettering yourself. The point is not to let life go on around you while you wait for something to happen, but to actually make it happen yourself. Lila didn’t think she would be a 42-year-old pregnant bride, but then she wouldn’t have this particular husband or be having this particular baby.

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