Archive for November, 2010

Could the holidays have come at a worse time this year?

I don’t know about all of you out there but this year is just awful to me.  With Hanukkah starting so early this year, us long suffering Jews can add another notch to  his endless belt.  Why?  Because there is almost zero time to buy presents if we want to cash in on the holiday sales.

Option 1 – Shop before Black Friday.  Completely ridiculous.  It goes against my stereotype.

Option 2 – Shop the weekend of Black Friday; something that my God-given temper unfortunately does not permit.   In fact, I have been self-restrained from standing in lines by 15 public activist groups.

Option 3 – Going after work on the week days right before Hanukah.  Yay! Holiday shopping after a long day of work!   Can you feel the sarcasm oozing out of this page?

Option 3 is the unfortunate winner.  Note to the hookup calendar: Please start Hanukkah later next year.

I don’t have, or abide by, a lot of dating rules; however, there are a few courtesies that I try to stick to, one of which is that I make it a point to respond to people’s emails within 24-hours. Even though online dating is often times perceived as being more casual since you can talk with so many people at the same time, I think that if someone is taking more than a day to respond to me then the conversation is probably not worth my while continuing.

Now, I completely understand when someone takes a little longer but redeems themselves by responding with a well-written and interesting email; however, if you take two days and all I get from you is a few lousy sentences then I’m going to focus my energy on other people. Although content is obviously important I think that how long it takes someone to respond to your emails can be a pretty good indicator for how interested they are in getting to know you.

Even though I don’t respond within 24-hours 100% of the time, I always try to reply with thoughtful emails, which include information on why I have been slower to respond. By doing this I am hopefully letting the other person who, keep in mind, I haven’t met in person yet, know that I’m committed to the conversation and not just wasting their time. After all, even though the process is done more casually over the Internet no one wants to have their time wasted.

Guys, we’re in trouble.  There are way too many of us.  Not biologically.  The ratio of men to women, in the world, is roughly even.  That is, if you don’t count China.  The 100hookup community is a lot like China.  It’s large, the population generally shares a common characteristic, and there is an overflow of men.  It is true that because the men of China are outnumbered, many good, eligible men will stay single.  There really isn’t hope for many of them, unless they develop some sort of reverse-polygamy method, which doesn’t sound like it would be inherently popular.  But in China, men outnumber women because of past laws governing the sex of children.  On 100hookup, however, the overflow of men is de facto.  Nobody forced more men than women to sign up.  What has caused this unequal distribution?  It’s simple: 100hookup is a microcosm of hookup culture.

Men, if you are online and do a search for women that are online and in your area, you may find one woman.  That’s fine because she seems pretty and friendly and there isn’t a reason she wouldn’t enjoy a conversation with you.  What you sometimes don’t realize is that there are five other men in your area thinking the same thing.  Though you are handsome, charming and funny, so are the other five men.  You have to think strategically.  You can’t start a conversation by saying “hi.”  Do you realize how many ‘hi’s’ the average woman on 100hookup receives daily?  I do not know the exact number, but it is probably in the billions.  We are like undead zombies programmed to both message ‘hi’ to every woman we find, and eat brains.  hookup women have nightmares about random men saying ‘hi.’  They have probably been conditioned to the point where they can’t even deal with people saying ‘hi’ to them in real life.  Their families have ostracized them so they must live in exile  where they live out their years unable to begin conversations.

There is only one solution, in my mind, to this problem.  It’s simple: Let’s start a campaign to get hookup (or non-hookup) women to sign up to this website.  We can start by making posters on college campuses and community centers.  Word of mouth will be essential.  Go to your synagogue.  Ask your rabbi to mention this growing problem in his next sermon; or you can become a rabbi explicitly to solve this problem.  Call your senators.  Let them know that they will be unelectable in 2012 unless they understand the severity of this disparage.  Finally, find a mate and produce children.  When the women grow up, introduce them to 100hookup.  Tell your sons that they have to fend for themselves.  They will be okay.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Tamar,
I have been on 100hookup for a while and I am not meeting anyone. When I do meet someone all they talk about is sex. How do I find the right guy?

Dear Let’s (Not) Talk About Sex,

If (or rather, when) the conversation turns to sex too soon, the probability of the date turning into a serious relationship is nil to none. Sex is important, don’t get me wrong, but if one of you starts talking about sex on the first date then its because he or she is looking for a hook-up and nothing more. If this happens to you time and time again, then it’s time to take a look at your profile and see what kind of message you’re conveying. Are your photos too sexy or showing too much skin? Is your “About Me” paragraph a little over-flirty? Double-check your profile and make some subtle changes to make sure you’re not the one sending the sex signals. Same goes for when you’re on a date; don’t dress too sexy or be too flirty too soon (and this includes touching your date’s arm or leg early and often). If you’re still getting sex talk then politely let your date know that you want to get to know him or her better before going in that direction. If they’re not on board then jump ship. Good Luck!

Dear Tamar,

I am 70 years young, full of pep and in excellent health. I feel like I’m 40! But that seems to limit my dating partners. The people I’ve noticed on 100hookup are old enough to be my mother and I’m not looking for that. I was 12 years older than my wife until she passed away but I don’t know if I will ever have any chance of meeting someone 12 years younger at this point.

Dear Pep in my Step,

I believe age is a state of mind and that is what obviously keeps you young at heart. That said, I don’t think it’s fair to judge a book by its cover. Some of the women your age may be just as young at heart as you are but you need to give them a chance in order to figure that out. At the same time, I think it’s quite realistic for you to have an age range preference as young as 55 and as high as 75. Your active lifestyle needs to be expressed obviously yet eloquently in your profile — you don’t want to come off as egotistical but you also want to be clear that you want someone just as active as you are. An active older gentleman such as you is a hot commodity, and I don’t think you’ll have any problems. Just be open to giving women a chance no matter how old they are or how old they look. Good Luck!

Girls are intimidating enough as it is; please don’t make age another factor of fear.  I, as well as many male 100hookuprs®, have noticed that women typically are only interested in men of their age or older.  For example, if a woman is 24, then she is normally interested in men ages 24-34.  That is a tough break for all of the 23-year-olds that would have been perfect for her; or the 35-year-olds that have gone through realistic-looking facial plastic surgery and look 34, tops.  It’s also not easy for the 18-year-old men that claim to be mature beyond their years (while maintaining the sensibilities of a rugged 19-year-old).

Many times, I find that I am too young for the prospective woman.  For example, if my father and I have both conversed with the same woman on 100hookup, it’s time to rethink my strategy.  Conversely, if I end up chatting with a girl my little sister’s age, strategy must again be rethought.

Of the two extremes, I am more often too young.  Women in their thirties know exactly what they want and they can cut you down to your core in a three minute conversation.  For example:

Me: Hi

Woman: You are young.  Of what value do you have to me?

Me: Um

Woman: Goodbye

On the other hand, if I am the older one, I instantly feel creepy.  I feel like I shouldn’t be talking to this person, even though she’s only two years younger than I am.  Here’s how a typical conversation with a younger woman goes down:

Me: Hi

Woman: Hi

Me: Is your dad monitoring this conversation?

Woman: What?

Me: Gotta go

Is there not one 27-year-old woman whom I can chat with so it’s not weird?

Who doesn’t love Thanksgiving?  What better time of the year than Thanksgiving to prove to the rest of the world why we are the most obese country in the nation!  Being hookup isn’t the only part of our culture that you should be proud of.  Put on those extra baggy pants and be proud of your glutinous over-eating country!

While Thanksgiving is one of the greatest times of the year food wise, some of us may have a hard time surviving the day with our “well-intentioned”  but “I am going to make you wish you were in this turkey’s place” families.  And if we are going to the family of our significant others for the first time, who knows what we might be getting into!

I thought I’d give everyone a few quick pointers for surviving Thanksgiving with the family!

#1 – Stay by Grandpa’s side.  Grandpa is a Thanksgiving survivalist with decades of experience.  He will know all the tricks, secrets, and tools of surviving this day.  Stay close and do not wander far off.  You may even hear some great old-timer stories in the process.

#2 – If there is anything a hookup woman loves to hear it’s that she is a good cook.  No matter what, even if you are about to gag, even if you feel slightly poisoned, even if you are wondering whether you’d rather listen to a Justin Beiber CD than swallow that bite, I’ve got two words for you – “It’s delicious!”  No matter what, you say those two words if you wish to survive the day.

#3 – Eat everything.  If there’s one thing I know from Thanksgiving with a hookup family it’s that I will be asked an average of 343.8 times if I tried (insert food here).  Try everything; too bad if you’re full. You will not stop being badgered until you have sampled everything.

Finally – stay out of the kitchen.  There is no wrath like the wrath of a woman whose kitchen you have just made a mess.  Stay clear and be careful.

And ladies, please feel free to provide us guys with any additional pointers.  We only want to survive!

Oh. My. Goodness. Why do women insist on wearing the skimpiest little outfits to 100hookup and other hookup singles events? I have witnessed woman after woman wearing the tightest, shortest, sheerest outfits I’ve ever seen. Skinny, average, overweight, tall, medium, short, nearly every woman walked in looking like she had only bought half the dress and left the rest on the rack. I so very much appreciate their confidence, but I think it’s actually masking insecurity.

I watched as these women kept readjusting their tops as their dresses fell, pulling down their skirts as they rode up on the dance floor- I saw way more than I ever asked for. Not only did they look ridiculous but, needless to say, they were uncomfortable, as well. Of course, the men weren’t complaining. But what these ladies didn’t realize is that the men weren’t looking at them with the “That’s my future wife, I want to marry her” look in their eyes. No, they were thinking something very different, thoughts that didn’t include respect or commitment. All the women saw, however, were eyes on them and the attention they were receiving, not realizing if it was positive or negative.

I’m not saying women should dress like nuns in order to be taken seriously as marriage material. I’m just saying to put a little more thought into how you’re representing yourself. You’re obviously going to a 100hookup event because you’re hookup and single and looking to mingle, so why not dress a bit more, say, unadventurous, but less, say, provocatively? Think about the thought that goes through your mind when you see a girl on the dance floor shaking her tushie while wearing what adds up to about two band-aids worth of material. You would look at her with disgust in your eyes while being appalled by the taste of all the men checking her out. Don’t become that girl. Show respect for yourself by dressing elegantly. A sexy dress is actually sexier when it covers more skin rather than less. Leave something to the imagination.

Being sexy, showing your feminine side or showing some skin for that matter, doesn’t make you un-marry-able; that’s not what I’m saying. But when you’re single and looking to find your Beshert, just think twice about what you’re putting on when you’re getting dressed and about the kind of message it will send. When you’re looking for something to wear to a 100hookup event, or even on a 100hookup, make sure you’re comfortable and confident. That combination is what makes a woman sexy!

As a blogger for 100hookup I certainly have no problems expressing my opinions on the virtues of online dating. During the time that I’ve been on the site I have benefitted greatly from how it provides a forum to meet people and get to know each other, as well as making dating easier for people who are very busy or don’t thrive in the bar scene. In addition to those reasons, and others I’ve talked about in past blogs, I can honestly say that I’ve had a very good experience with online dating. Even though I was already sold on the online dating experience, recently I discovered yet another reason why it is such a great option for me.

Last week our team embarked on a week and a half long road trip (for those of you who don’t know, I’m a college basketball coach) to play games in Utah, California and Texas. In past seasons I would have completely disregarded my social life and been forced to focus solely on my job since it’s difficult to meet women on the road. However, since I can meet women online no matter where I am, on this current road trip I have continued to be active online emailing and chatting with women I am interested in.

Furthermore I have continued to try to make plans for when we get back from our trip so, in actuality, because of online dating, I have continued to be able to try to meet women in spite on my being across the country for work. Just like when I talk to women while sitting on my couch at home in Chicago there’s no guarantee that I’ll go out with anyone I talk with while I’m on the road, but at least I am continuing to be social and trying to date. As someone who is constantly trying to achieve a balance between their personal and professional life, I am grateful for online dating since it has once again provided with me the opportunity to continue that pursuit where in the past I would have conceded all my focus and energy toward my job.

I have lived my entire adult life under the auspices that everyone I know (and don’t know) feels that I owe them something.  This started, as stated, around the time I was eighteen.  I did not feel psychologically ready for college, though I knew it was the expectations of many for me to attend.  Though I know now it would have been beneficial for everyone involved if I didn’t go straight to college, I feel that that is where the majority of my guilt originates.  My parents were putting a lot of money and expectations on the premise that I would go to college and do well in every aspect.  ‘Every aspect’ basically means that I would have a wife and child by the time I was/am 27.

My road toward marriage-hood, fatherhood, and the absence of both hit its first barricade before my first day of classes.  I had a nervous breakdown in the hallway of Dobie.  Dobie was the dorm where my parents first met.  My first dorm room in Dobie was in the same suite as my mom’s dorm during her freshman yeah.  Dobie is also an overpriced prison that thrives on providing facilities that promote social ineptness as well as athletic prowess (to get to the lobby, you have to walk up 45 steps.  If you live on floors two through four, you are expected to take the stairs up again, in order to decongest the elevators.)

So while I was struggling through my first year of school, my parents were not only paying for my tuition, schoolbooks, room & board, and my meal plan, they were also giving me plenty of spending money.  I felt immensely guilty that they were paying for this, but at the same time I never thanked them.  I just blindly went forward.  I think because of this guilt, I was very prone to apologizing to everybody (but my parents) that I was around.  For example, I would repeatedly say “I’m sorry” to a friend who treated me to dinner on my birthday, while Mom and Dad got nothing.

My apologizing got so out of control, I got a small tattoo on the top of my arm that said “I’m sorry.”  It was partly a joke and partly a plea to the tattoo gods to get me to stop apologizing.  Though I still feel enormously guilty because of what my parents have done (or given) to me, I don’t overuse the ‘I’m sorry’ to friends and everyone else in my life; but the tattoo remains.  Tattoos are permanent.  Nobody tells you that when the artists are giving it to you; yet they seem like such trustworthy people.