Archive for June, 2009

God was gracious enough to give us ten commandments years ago – guidelines which serve as a basis by which we can govern ourselves. Unfortunately, he neglected to include the dos and don’ts of dating among that list. Of course it’s no secret that this was done on purpose, something has to serve as holier-than-thou comic relief when the world gets to be too much, and how awesome for us that we’ve been nominated for that job (and no one in their right mind would turn down a job in this ridiculous economy).
So throughout history, guys and gals have endured relationships, often accompanied by several different shades of humility, in order to find “the one” in a world of what, six billion people? This trying task often lured even the purest at heart to indulge in any one of the seven deadly sins, hoping a walk on the wild side would lead them to their significant other.
So in pursuit of Mr. Right, chicks over the years have followed unrealistic guidelines that make fad dieting seem more successful, and for what!? Because someone else says they work? I’m pretty sure my absolute favorite example of this masochistic method is “The Rules” that came out years ago, urging girls to follow guidelines in order to snare someone. Hell, if it were as easy as listening to someone else, hookup girls would all be married thanks to their I-know-everything hookup mothers! And I’m pretty sure that book is responsible for directly defiling the eleventh commandment – “Thou shalt not make false promises.”
So what it comes down to is, you do what feels right to you. The vintage among us gals will wait ‘til said boy asks for their number, the more daring darlings will just ask for theirs – and not because that’s what the newest New York Times bestseller list says, but because that’s what feels right for them. When it comes to commanding love and its deadly counterpart lust – there are no guidelines a gal can follow to make sure she meets her match (hence the tragicomedy of said search for HRH’s viewing pleasure – now available on demand for the creator’s convenience).
I have girlfriends that govern their love lives by rules at a 180 degree difference from my own, and it works for us. Of course, here in the City of Angels, anything goes, but that’s the fun in finding “the one” – you get that one puzzle piece that fits – or you just get tired of hammering the wrong one into place after a while. The point being, if Palin would like another list of books to ban – I can go ahead and recommend a few that cause more grief than good. Life without set rules seems so much more fun! And concealed commandment twelve clearly states “thou shalt not heed stupid advice,” and who are we to defy such revelations? After all, Adam and Eve never adhered to such stupidity, and even though they got evicted, they were fairly happy with each other – homeless and all. So ignore the apple, it doesn’t fit in with your Atkins lifestyle anyways. The Rules were meant to be broken.

I hope Paul Simon does not mind I cribbed some of his words…But summer is an amazing time to meet new people. The sun (okay so it has been raining a lot in NYC – but hopefully that is behind us), energy and Magaritaville attitude makes summer an amazing time to meet new friends and possibly your next lover.

Here goes the first of up to 50 suggestions….

1. Tennis Camp
Whether you are focused on perfecting that serve, looking for a new tennis partner or more.  This past weekend, I went to tennis camp at the USTA headquarters and participated in a one-day camp, met some new friends and improved my game. As well, Total Tennis in upstate New York has a sleepover camp as the name aptly describes the camp of basically total tennis (with meals and evenings to socialize).  Total Tennis also has singles weekends.  TIP FOR THE MEN: the place is filled with cute girls in shape – what are you waiting for?  A common hobby, exercise, Game, Love.

Dear Gems from Jen,
 
I have been dating someone I met on 100hookup for 2-l/2 yrs. and even though he does not access the site he refuses to remove his profile. We argued about this until I gave him an ultimatum.  His answer was ‘If I do not access the site what difference does it make?’  By the way, we are two very senior citizens and this is the only thing we do not agree on. Your view.
 
Dear Profile Remover,
 
My View:
 
Either you are exclusive or you are not. I’m confused about his refusal to remove his profile. Two and a half years is a very long time to be dating someone, and his refusal to remove his profile leaves me wondering about his true intentions. Your job is to protect yourself and make sure you can trust him completely. I’m not sure what your ultimatum was, but I hope you made it very clear that it is not acceptable to be in an exclusive relationship with someone who is keeping a potential option open. Do yourself a favor and make it crystal clear that you are in an exclusive relationship and having a profile, whether active or not, makes you feel as if he is not committing to you completely. If he still refuses to remove his profile I would think long and hard about the reasons as to why he is unwilling to be in the relationship one hundred percent. Remember, do not settle for anything less than you deserve.
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

• Shabbat Shalom JTwitterers! And, for those 100hookuprs out on 100hookups this weekend, we wish you good luck! #
• RT via @Julie_Bush: Looking forward to the spin-off “Kate Plus 8 Hit 100hookup” #
• RT via @hookupBride: @thinksplendid I’m partial to @100hookup I met my hubby on their and so did half of our bridal bloggers! #
• Globe article on how college kids are using online dating sites like 100hookup: https://shar.es/vaU6 #
• “First Comes 100hookup, Then Comes Marriage” — Check out the debut blog post from @hookupBride on JBlog: https://tinyurl.com/ngdwoq #
• 100hookup sits down with Rabbi Alysa Stanton, the first African-American female rabbi: https://bit.ly/bZu9c #

Hi Gems from Jen,
 
I am almost ashamed to say but I’ve been registered on 100hookup for about seven months. I’ve had several nice chats and even one or two dates (yes, only one or two). Now, obviously, I am missing something here and either it’s me or the way I approach all of this and I don’t see it to the extent that I can solve it. I need someone to point me in the right direction. What is your advice?
 
Thanks
 
Dear No Go,
 
100hookup is a terrific way to meet new people and hopefully find that special someone. It sounds to me as if you have not given this the time and attention it needs. I’m not sure if you are not spending enough time looking at profiles or if your profile might need some updating.
 
The first step is to have an idea of what it is you are actually looking for. Make some time to sit down and really consider the qualities that you are searching for in another person. Once you have narrowed down some of the most important qualities commit to dating. Take the time to write to people that you feel would be a good match. Respond to those who take their time to connect with you. If you are serious about using your 100hookup membership to the fullest capacity then the make the decision to take this service seriously.
 
Next, spice up your profile, add more pictures, write down what you are truly looking for, describe who you genuinely are, and keep your options open. Dating takes time and energy and we only get out of it what we are willing to put into it. There is nothing to be ashamed of, we do not have the power to change the past, but we can change the present and future through our actions in the here and now. Embrace the dating world head on and give it your all!
 
Signed,
 
Gems from Jen

So what do you do when a not-so-gracious girl decides to exile you from her friendship circle?  Correspond of course!  This is a tale of tragedy and woe inspired by one vexatious vixen who decided to wake up on the wrong side of life one morning and blacklist me from her life. Here’s a copy of my letter and my ill-fated attempts at resolving the ridiculous issue.
 
To Whom It May Concern:
 
I’ve recently received notice that we are not friends anymore!  I must have missed that memo – although if you sent it via snail mail, well we all know that the USPS is about as reliable as finding anything at Forever 21.  Now, I’ve been patient, but I think I’m more than deserving of an explanation as to why we suddenly don’t mesh.  Reasons that seem most feasible to me are a) you’re prejudiced against people  in possession of lives (sex, social and a hybrid of both) b) you are currently suffering from abandoned child syndrome due to  solicited time spent with your bff, or c) you’re simply an irrational and chemically imbalanced  babe.  Now, I believe I’ve exhibited a tremendous amount of effort on my part, going so far as to show up at estrogen fest 2009 the weekend I had a prior engagement.  Now even though I invited a boy (heaven help us) to the mix, I do not believe that this particular incident entitled you in any way to behave like such an ill-mannered minx.  Not only did you deem it appropriate to whisper to co-mademoiselle about me, in front of me, you decided to turn that debut performance into a three-peat show.  News flash luv – your audience was less than amused.  Had it not been for the fact that I treated myself to a manicure the day prior, I would have introduced your face to my fist without any hesitation.  Understandably catfights are frowned upon, but in certain scenarios the bitch-slapping ban is lifted in the hopes that a girl can knock some sense into the other, or at least off that pedestal she decided to perch upon. Furthermore, and last but certainly not least, we have mutual friends.  This is a statement, not a question.  Being that the aforementioned is true –  I think it’s necessary for you to remove your head from your nether-regions and learn to act in a civil manner in the midst of company.  If you need help executing this endeavor, I believe Charm School (VH1 prime time trash tv) is looking for a new contestant, I would be happy to recommend you.  I sure hope we can manage to behave like polite princesses again post-haste.  These continual catfights simply aren’t good for a girl’s complexion. 
 
Sincerely,
Annoyed in Angeles

I love setting up people.  And from past blogs you probably know I’m a huge fan of recycling.  Just because someone does not work for one person, does not mean that person will not be a perfect fit for your friend.  Trying to do a mitzvah, I recently set up two friends.  The set up went beyond the normal ‘you are both hookup, breathing and single…L’chaim.’  I view both friends as accomplished, bright, attractive and funny individuals and thought they would enjoy each other’s sense of humor.  Although reportedly the date was a very nice night and they were both attracted to each other, one part of the equation did not feel enough chemistry to motivate a next time.  Chemistry is intangible and although all the check boxes may be present, it is just “the feeling” – excitement, yet calm – that motivates us to give up our limited extra time to put extra effort in for the next time.  Some may argue that this feeling is not instant and it develops over time.  For me, I have experienced both the initial fireworks and the quick demise, and the slow-burning candle. What amazes me is how often two people are on the same date but can have different versions of the date.  He may have thought it went amazing; and well, she said, not so much.  I guess that is why we are on 100hookup and in the search to find the perfect proverbial “right” lid to fit the pot felt by both parties.

I recently turned to my husband and thanked him – thanked him for inspiring me to create a website for those who have fallen in love and decided to get married.

It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was nursing a broken heart and considering starting a site for those who were scorned. It’s a good thing that my husband and my chance encounter on 100hookup changed both my life and my career direction!

My tossing bouquet made out of 100hookup profiles

A funny thing happens when you meet your spouse on 100hookup – you find out how many other couples met on 100hookup too. Some stats: Nearly half of my married hookup friends met their spouses on 100hookup. I recently attended my high school reunion and learned that four out of five of my married hookup classmates met on 100hookup as well. After I launched hookup Wedding Network, I started receiving submissions from bloggers, and when questioned on how they met their fiancés, nearly half of them answered, you guessed it – 100hookup. Those are some pretty amazing statistics!

Why am I telling you all this? For those of you who have met your beshert on 100hookup, I say “Mazel Tov.” For those of you who have not yet met anyone, I say “hang in there.” I know how hard it can be to feel as though you may never meet “The One.” I was in that position too, as well as many of my friends who are now married. Over the next few weeks, I am going to be sharing some incredible stories of couples who met here on 100hookup. I hope to one day share your story too.

Dear Gems from Jen,

Met a great guy on this site. We live in different cities. After a month I visited for the weekend and we had a wonderful time. 6 weeks of talking/im 2 to 3 times a day. Then out of no where he said he needs to take a break, two weeks after our visit. What gives and how should I handle this. I am giving him the space he asked for and have not contacted him.

 

Dear On A Break,

The internet is such a wonderful way to expand our dating horizons It takes us to places that only a relatively few years ago seemed impossible. We get the opportunity to meet and date people that live near and far. New experiences, new people, and at times heartbreak and disappointment, all thanks to the boom of the World Wide Web.

100hookup is an amazing tool that connects us to people who share a common thread. However, online dating can also leave us feeling as if we are living in a reality, when at times we are living in a fantasy. Talking/im-ing 2-3 times a day speaks volumes about how quickly one can fall into the fantasy of what could be, even before you actually meet. Human interaction is the underlying factor that will determine if two people are truly compatible. All of the electronic communication in the world cannot account for the chemistry that two people share. You either have it with someone or you don’t.

It sounds to me as if the both of you were living in a fantasy. You had spent a month electronically communicating and building ideas about the other person. My suggestion would be to let this guy know you are missing him and if he still insists on “taking a break” chalk this experience up to one you can learn from. Meeting someone on 100hookup is fantastic, but remember, until you meet face to face nothing can be determined. It is the meeting that will let you know. Don’t give too much until after you meet. This way a fantasy will be removed and you will be living in the reality of the situation.

Signed,

Gems from Jen

When I think about relationships and the numerous books, movies and discussions had on the subject, it is a little overwhelming with the abundant and sometimes conflicting views.  It should be easy…nothing is easy…it takes work… I’m already confused.  I’m not sure whether a relationship is easy or requires work is an accurate indicator of great love or success.  What I do know, as cheesy as it sounds, is I want someone who “just gets me.”  Period.  Though trivial (but an indicator of something larger) someone who remembers I like the yellow packet and not the pink packet in my coffee, someone who is willing to ask the difficult questions and someone who is willing to be emotionally vulnerable. Someone who knows my idiosyncrasies (being fastidious has a calming effect on me) and those quirky traits makes that special someone even more endearing.  For me, everything aside, you just get someone, you understand them, you are able to see things from their viewpoint – even though it may not be your own or you may not even agree – but you are willing and able to put yourself in their shoes and appreciate it for what it is.  It is all the imperfections and quirkiness that someone else embodies that makes this person “the right wrong person” for you.